Cornell is beautiful, and lovely, full of friendly people, and I love it here. I'll probably cry more leaving here than I did leaving 'home'. My friends are awesome, my classes are interesting, and the food is FANTASTIC. There are people here that I actually have stuff in common with.
I hope all my other friends reading this are having fun moving in too, I'll try to keep up with you guys on twitter :).
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's going to sleep in her bed for the last time for a few months.
Am I an emotional wreck right now? Yes would be an understatement. This post is going to be pretty all over-the-place but so is my mind right now.
I don't understand this. I don't like this town, I don't like most of it's people, the thought of Cornell has made me euphoric for months...the only way to explain this is fricking graduation goggles.
For those of you not familiar with the How I Met Your Mother episode, "The Exploding Meatball Sub", 'graduation goggles' is a term for that feeling you get when a horrible experience is ending and then suddenly you look at it with these magical goggles that somehow distort it and make everything seem better than it actually was. Kind of similar to Stockholm syndrome, I guess.
I won't miss the town, or the boredom, or the high school. I'll miss my brook, my privacy, and a few of my teachers. And goodness knows I'll miss my friends.
Hold on I have to set a reminder for myself or I'll leave my retainer at home.
I feel like I should have done some epic stuff in my last few days and I didn't really, I just spent time with my friends doing what we do best and I think that was exactly what I needed. Like, Keith made fun of me so I poured a water bottle on his head, because that's what we do. Ash and I played Halo and ate candy because that's what we do. Huck (oh, you guys don't know Huck...he's awesome. That's the best way to describe him, just awesome in every way) came over and I cooked dinner then he played guitar, because that's what we do. Devon and I watched Very Mary Kate videos and laughed because that's what we do. Sal and I took a walk, laughed a lot, and hugged a lot. Because that's what we, as friends, still do.
Well shit now I'm thinking about all the awesome people in my life and how I'm not going to see any of them until like, December. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit.
That's another thing I realized, I tend to curse like a sailor when I start to cry because I hate crying. Just a fun fact.
Just to elaborate quickly on Huck because I kinda just threw him in there...I knew him for months because he was in the musical but we didn't really start being close until we spent most of a summer party just sitting and talking. He's easy to talk to and in a word, interesting. He's cute, has lots of cool talents, he's really sweet, he's smart, and he makes me laugh. One of those people I just clicked with and so we started hanging out more. And by more I mean twice, and now I'm leaving. WOO.
I'm getting through this by telling myself that there will be more awesome and interesting people to click with on Friday and they'll all be living down the hall from me all year. Which is entirely true. I'll make it.
It's incredibly annoying that I finally made girlfriends just in time to leave them, too. Reggie and Hilary and Solay better clear their schedules for winter break because I don't care how fricking cold it is we're going on a reunion froyo spree and that's that.
Devon and I are kind of used to communicating mostly online so I guess that's okay. I'll just miss his laugh :/.
I'm so freaking grateful Keith will only be an hour away in Rochester.
Sal. Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal.
FuckingshitgoddammitshitdamnshitshitshitshitTITSIFUCKINGHATECRYINGDAMMIT
Pardon mon francais, je pleure. Ca c'est difficile.
It's just really hard to be safely snuggled in the chest of your best friend feeling all warm and safe while his arms are around you one minute and be waving 'bye' the next. But I'm not the only person to have to deal with that and I'm sure it would be even worse if we were still together. I should be handling this better. Honestly Lia, I don't know how you guys did it but I have even more respect for you now that I understand what it's like. You deserve some sort of award.
I'm sure in a couple days I'll post again saying how happy I am at Cornell and how much I love it there but right now this is a rough night and I should probably go to sleep.
I don't want to be judged, and I won't be.
I don't think I'm strong enough, but I am.
I'm scared, but I shouldn't be.
I have all the weapons I need--
Time to fight.
♪: "The Great Escape" by Boys Like Girls
♫: "This Ain't Goodbye" by Train
I don't understand this. I don't like this town, I don't like most of it's people, the thought of Cornell has made me euphoric for months...the only way to explain this is fricking graduation goggles.
For those of you not familiar with the How I Met Your Mother episode, "The Exploding Meatball Sub", 'graduation goggles' is a term for that feeling you get when a horrible experience is ending and then suddenly you look at it with these magical goggles that somehow distort it and make everything seem better than it actually was. Kind of similar to Stockholm syndrome, I guess.
I won't miss the town, or the boredom, or the high school. I'll miss my brook, my privacy, and a few of my teachers. And goodness knows I'll miss my friends.
Hold on I have to set a reminder for myself or I'll leave my retainer at home.
I feel like I should have done some epic stuff in my last few days and I didn't really, I just spent time with my friends doing what we do best and I think that was exactly what I needed. Like, Keith made fun of me so I poured a water bottle on his head, because that's what we do. Ash and I played Halo and ate candy because that's what we do. Huck (oh, you guys don't know Huck...he's awesome. That's the best way to describe him, just awesome in every way) came over and I cooked dinner then he played guitar, because that's what we do. Devon and I watched Very Mary Kate videos and laughed because that's what we do. Sal and I took a walk, laughed a lot, and hugged a lot. Because that's what we, as friends, still do.
Well shit now I'm thinking about all the awesome people in my life and how I'm not going to see any of them until like, December. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit.
That's another thing I realized, I tend to curse like a sailor when I start to cry because I hate crying. Just a fun fact.
Just to elaborate quickly on Huck because I kinda just threw him in there...I knew him for months because he was in the musical but we didn't really start being close until we spent most of a summer party just sitting and talking. He's easy to talk to and in a word, interesting. He's cute, has lots of cool talents, he's really sweet, he's smart, and he makes me laugh. One of those people I just clicked with and so we started hanging out more. And by more I mean twice, and now I'm leaving. WOO.
I'm getting through this by telling myself that there will be more awesome and interesting people to click with on Friday and they'll all be living down the hall from me all year. Which is entirely true. I'll make it.
It's incredibly annoying that I finally made girlfriends just in time to leave them, too. Reggie and Hilary and Solay better clear their schedules for winter break because I don't care how fricking cold it is we're going on a reunion froyo spree and that's that.
Devon and I are kind of used to communicating mostly online so I guess that's okay. I'll just miss his laugh :/.
I'm so freaking grateful Keith will only be an hour away in Rochester.
Sal. Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal.
FuckingshitgoddammitshitdamnshitshitshitshitTITSIFUCKINGHATECRYINGDAMMIT
Pardon mon francais, je pleure. Ca c'est difficile.
It's just really hard to be safely snuggled in the chest of your best friend feeling all warm and safe while his arms are around you one minute and be waving 'bye' the next. But I'm not the only person to have to deal with that and I'm sure it would be even worse if we were still together. I should be handling this better. Honestly Lia, I don't know how you guys did it but I have even more respect for you now that I understand what it's like. You deserve some sort of award.
I'm sure in a couple days I'll post again saying how happy I am at Cornell and how much I love it there but right now this is a rough night and I should probably go to sleep.
I don't want to be judged, and I won't be.
I don't think I'm strong enough, but I am.
I'm scared, but I shouldn't be.
I have all the weapons I need--
Time to fight.
♪: "The Great Escape" by Boys Like Girls
♫: "This Ain't Goodbye" by Train
Saturday, August 4, 2012
The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is going through the best breakup ever.
I know, I know, that sounds sick. Just because it isn't so bad doesn't mean it's good. Like saying you have the best flu ever. Maybe your fever is only 101 instead of 104 like last time but it still sucks.
Sal and I's romantic relationship is now over. Does it suck? Sure. Next time I see him I'll have to break my habit of the 'Oh hi sweetheart! *kiss!*' thing and that'll be a hard habit to kick after almost a year. But this is still going surprisingly well, because we basically took all the factors that make break-ups suckish and eliminated them. For example:
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: The sudden unexpected nature of it. One minute you're happy in a relationship, the next you're kicked on your ass and alone and you never saw any of it coming.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: This has been the plan since we started officially dating back in September. We knew it was happening so we made the most of our time together. Thursday we went to his grandparents' beach house and spent the day enjoying each other's company and laughing and singing in the car and appreciating each other because we knew time was short. It was a perfect grand finale :). Being mentally prepared helped a lot.
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Things left unfinished or unsaid. Like that song "What Hurts the Most" or whatever :P.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: Again, because we knew it was coming, we made sure we finished everything we had planned to. We spent tons of time in his pool, we learned how to do the Marshall-Lily-Over-Head-High-Five, we went to the beach, we went on our bike ride to Hamden...Everything we said at the beginning of summer we'd do, we did. Same goes for saying what we needed to say. We had a really great talk where we reminded each other how we felt about each other, reminisced over memories, all that stuff. We didn't hold anything back and that left me feeling much better about everything now.
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Wondering what you could have done differently, what you could have changed, what you did wrong, why you weren't ____ enough, etc etc.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: This was simply the only option that made sense for us, and we both knew it. Neither one was to blame, it's just the circumstance and we have to deal with that. Neither of us could have or would have done anything differently, and we both know how highly we think of each other, so there's no reason for either of us to feel unworthy or wrong or like we messed up. He was a fantastic boyfriend to me and I'd like to think I wasn't half bad for him either. We made each other as happy as we could. This is just how the cookie crumbled and that's no one's fault.
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Having to adjust to the lack of cuddles and kisses and affection. Not automatically having plans every weekend by default.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: ...Okay admittedly that is the case now and it kinda sucks :/. At least soon I'll be overwhelmed with plans with my new college friends? 12 days!
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Uncertainty about the future, feeling suddenly like there's no one there for you and you have to face the future on your own.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: PSHHHH if he thinks he can get rid of me that easily he's got another thing coming! ;) We know we're still going to be friends, we know we'll still talk a lot and hang out when we're home on break, we know we'll never truly expel each other. We've gone from a couple to a couple of great friends before and it worked out then, we know it'll work out now and we both want that. To be honest, I need to keep him around. There's no one else who knows me quite like he does and will always be honest like he will even when I don't always want to hear it. I hope he knows I'll always do the same for him, too :). Sal and I aren't over, our romantic relationship is.
So that's why this isn't so bad. We've watched enough Seinfeld (like what, 6 seasons worth? He's got all 10 seasons on DVD xD) to know that exes can still be close friends and hilarious comedy partners. We already have Fred whose code last name might as well be Costanza (if you knew both of those then you'd be laughing right now) so we'll be set :). Even if it's not the best situation, it's the best solution. I wouldn't change a thing and when it comes down to it, that's really all that counts.
♪ (YAYYY SYMBOLS WORK ON MY MAC): "Some Nights" by fun.
♫: "No Rain" by Blind Melon
Sal and I's romantic relationship is now over. Does it suck? Sure. Next time I see him I'll have to break my habit of the 'Oh hi sweetheart! *kiss!*' thing and that'll be a hard habit to kick after almost a year. But this is still going surprisingly well, because we basically took all the factors that make break-ups suckish and eliminated them. For example:
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: The sudden unexpected nature of it. One minute you're happy in a relationship, the next you're kicked on your ass and alone and you never saw any of it coming.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: This has been the plan since we started officially dating back in September. We knew it was happening so we made the most of our time together. Thursday we went to his grandparents' beach house and spent the day enjoying each other's company and laughing and singing in the car and appreciating each other because we knew time was short. It was a perfect grand finale :). Being mentally prepared helped a lot.
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Things left unfinished or unsaid. Like that song "What Hurts the Most" or whatever :P.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: Again, because we knew it was coming, we made sure we finished everything we had planned to. We spent tons of time in his pool, we learned how to do the Marshall-Lily-Over-Head-High-Five, we went to the beach, we went on our bike ride to Hamden...Everything we said at the beginning of summer we'd do, we did. Same goes for saying what we needed to say. We had a really great talk where we reminded each other how we felt about each other, reminisced over memories, all that stuff. We didn't hold anything back and that left me feeling much better about everything now.
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Wondering what you could have done differently, what you could have changed, what you did wrong, why you weren't ____ enough, etc etc.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: This was simply the only option that made sense for us, and we both knew it. Neither one was to blame, it's just the circumstance and we have to deal with that. Neither of us could have or would have done anything differently, and we both know how highly we think of each other, so there's no reason for either of us to feel unworthy or wrong or like we messed up. He was a fantastic boyfriend to me and I'd like to think I wasn't half bad for him either. We made each other as happy as we could. This is just how the cookie crumbled and that's no one's fault.
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Having to adjust to the lack of cuddles and kisses and affection. Not automatically having plans every weekend by default.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: ...Okay admittedly that is the case now and it kinda sucks :/. At least soon I'll be overwhelmed with plans with my new college friends? 12 days!
Why Break-Ups Usually Suck: Uncertainty about the future, feeling suddenly like there's no one there for you and you have to face the future on your own.
Why That Isn't The Case Now: PSHHHH if he thinks he can get rid of me that easily he's got another thing coming! ;) We know we're still going to be friends, we know we'll still talk a lot and hang out when we're home on break, we know we'll never truly expel each other. We've gone from a couple to a couple of great friends before and it worked out then, we know it'll work out now and we both want that. To be honest, I need to keep him around. There's no one else who knows me quite like he does and will always be honest like he will even when I don't always want to hear it. I hope he knows I'll always do the same for him, too :). Sal and I aren't over, our romantic relationship is.
So that's why this isn't so bad. We've watched enough Seinfeld (like what, 6 seasons worth? He's got all 10 seasons on DVD xD) to know that exes can still be close friends and hilarious comedy partners. We already have Fred whose code last name might as well be Costanza (if you knew both of those then you'd be laughing right now) so we'll be set :). Even if it's not the best situation, it's the best solution. I wouldn't change a thing and when it comes down to it, that's really all that counts.
♪ (YAYYY SYMBOLS WORK ON MY MAC): "Some Nights" by fun.
♫: "No Rain" by Blind Melon
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
