The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who loves loving others in love.

Happiness is contagious.

Okay well not all the time. But sometimes it's enough to get you through the day when you see someone else happy and can be happy for them :). Now before I start let's get some codenames sorted out.

We're talking about that-girl-from-my-math-class-last-year that I've mentioned a couple times before. But she deserves a better name than that, and she's not in my math class anymore xD. So she'll be Lia. And her boyfriend that I mentioned when it was his birthday back in August is in my physics and Latin classes this year, we'll call him Paul because for whatever reason his face has always reminded me of Paul McCartney xD. Kinda like how my International Business class today decided a kid in our class looked exactly like Sid from Ice Age. BUT ANYWAY BACK TO MY POST.

So Lia and Paul have been going out for months now and personally I adore them as a couple. Lia is a sweetheart as I've mentioned and Paul is just hilarious, our Latin teacher always picks on him because he calls himself a pseudo-intellectual :P. And although I don't know either of them too closely personally, I know they're both really cool people, and they seem really, really happy together.

Like just today I saw them both at her locker, and later walking together in the hallway. I WAS NOT CREEPING. They were on the way to my classes xD. But I saw them and just at a glance Lia looked so happy and Paul looked so happy to see her happy and it just made me happy too :).

And I was in like, a really shitty mood, too, I had a bad day and I miss Ash at school like crazy. So you'd assume I'd be more resentful and jealous that they're happy, but strangely it's the exact opposite. Lately I've been reading LGMH and even that can't cheer me up, because my reaction these days is honestly "yeah right", because they're still just some silly love story that I can't even believe in anymore. But seeing some friends being genuinely happy is like LGMH times a bajillion because it's right there and you know it can and is happening so it means more, I guess :).

I feel like this is coming off really weird cuz I sound like a creeper. Like HEHEHEH I WATCH PEOPLE HOLD HANDS IN THE HALLWAY AND IT MAKES ME GIDDY HEHEHEHEH. I promise that isn't actually the case xD.

Point is, I think that's a better way to look at things. Even when you're down, don't curse happy people to bring them down to your level. Be happy for them too, and then everyone's happy instead of everyone being miserable! :D. Don't be jealous, because I can assure you from my perspective at least that not every relationship is as happy and perfect as they'd like to make it seem. If you see a couple happily hugging tomorrow, don't roll your eyes; they may have just made up from a big fight. You never know, they both really may need that happiness right now, so don't begrudge them for it. Even if you'd still give anything to be them. It's only a matter of time until you will and then you'll wish people were happy for you, too <3.

[P.S. Please heal soon, Ash.♥]




♪: "Details In The Fabric" by Jason Mraz
♫: "Song For A Friend" by Jason Mraz

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who had the sweetest of sixteens!

I've decided I might actually like people.

I turned 16 yesterday (FINALLY...my friends are getting their driver's licences already...) and it was quite a day to remember. Because I realize that by 16 you really understand who your friends are and are not.
Three different situations occurred yesterday amongst lots of party planning and decorating, and my eyes were opened greatly by each so Imma explain them now :).

Situation 1: I had sent out invitations to most of the 50 people I invited to my party back in mid-September. That included, of course, Tawny and John. By Friday I was down to about 37 definite yes's. Kinda a shame. So at one point in between setting up balloons I got a text from Ash telling me to check Tawny's Facebook. And surprisingly, her status was about how she was going to the Trail of Terror with John and some other people. Ash, being the awesome boyfriend he is, commented, saying, 'I thought you were going to [my] party tonight?' Tawny started making up excuses and whatever about not having a dress to wear etc and not knowing enough people. I texted John too, asking what was up, and he said, 'Oh, i thought [Ash] told you weeks ago I couldn't make it...' etc, etc. So they ended up all hanging out, with another friend of mine that had been invited, and ditching my party that they had known about for a month. Keeping in mind Tawny has thrown parties where Ash and I were some of the only two to commit to going, and I've never missed a Halo night at John's.

Situation 2: Some backstory on this; Ash got his second lung surgery (the same as in July) on Thursday and was in the hospital for a few days because of it. Naturally he was in tons of pain (but doing surprisingly well, texting me all day on Saturday telling me I was amazing and he loved me and missed me :)) so they were giving him crazy amounts of painkillers. Apparently at one point in the day, they gave him a little too much oxy or morphine or SOMETHING cuz he was texting me saying silliness like, 'im really attracted to youiuuu yourw really pretty' etc. Clearly trippy xD. But shortly after that he took a nap, slept it off, and texted me. He had apparently been texting none other than Cissa the same (and worse!) stuff! Like realllly coming on to her strong. All crazy typos and stuff but nevertheless very questionable. Obviously I couldn't be mad because he apologized like CRAZY straight after (to me, and her), swore he never meant/remembered any of it, and even sent me screenshots of the texts so I knew everything. So I wasn't mad at all; in fact, reading the texts, I was really proud :). Because unlike most of Ash's other girl friends that flirt with him like crazy (although he's gotten better at not reciprocating :)), who would have taken advantage of what he was saying, Cissa continuously said stuff like, 'You're being stupid right now, you're supposed to be saying this to [me]' 'Okay what drugs are you on right now because the [Ash] I know loves [me] and would NEVER say that to anyone else' and 'seriously, stop. you don't mean any of this, you love your girlfriend and we're just friends.' Never let up once. And I was just taken aback. It's not that I didn't totally trust her before, it's just that i never totally trusted ANY girl before because I'm always uneasy. With all the issues Ash and I have had (have...)with other girls who are 'just friends' blatantly being flirty to him, I just don't trust many around him anymore. But after that there was just this total flood of relief that like wow, even if my drugged-up boyfriend is throwing himself at her, Cissa would never betray me that way. She's proven 100% that I can actually fully trust her :).

Situation 3: So yeah, Ash was in the hospital since Thursday morning. I knew he wasn't going to make it to my party and it had been making me sad for a month. BUT Saturday his doctors thought he was doing well and took some new X-rays, and decided they could actually send him home!! Now yes, he was still incredibly sore...it was still only 2 days after surgery. But, on his way home from the hospital around 8, he made his parents not only drive to the hall where I had my party, but he STOOD UP OUT OF THE CAR to give me a gentle hug, loving kiss, and to tell me I looked beautiful. Then he came inside for a few minutes to see the cake and say hello to people before giving me a beauuuuutiful necklace as a present and then going back home to rest. I couldn't believe it. He was in so much pain but he did the impossible just to make sure I had a perfect birthday. And I did, and seeing him was the icing on the cake <3.

So there you have it. Three different occurrences that helped me learn a lot about my friends on my birthday. Some are just flakes that no one really needs anyway. Some can prove even the most stubborn cynics wrong. Some will do the amazing just to see you smile because they love you. That night was just amazing, I had so many close friends there who were all so kind, and fun to be around, and just amazing, and it's something I'll never forget. If my year as a 16-year-old is half as good as my first day was, I'll be a happy chicka :).

♪: "With A Little Help From My Friends" by The Beatles.
♫: "Catch Me" by Demi Lovato

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's hesitant.

Trust and hope are delicate, fragile things. They're not easy to get back once broken.

It's hard, because if you trust someone/something, and they break that trust, it's always harder to believe them the second time around no matter how much you want to.

And after a while, if you're constantly hoping things, but get continuously disappointed or proven wrong, it's also more difficult to keep trying to force yourself to think positively, believing in something that you have no reason to anymore.

It's like a balloon; when inflated, it'll float around like no body's business. But poke a hole in it and it deflates in a second, and is a lot harder to pump back up. Because the thing is, even when there's air going in, and everything is being done right, the hole is still there. Disbelieving. Leaking out the happy as soon as it receives it. Getting bigger if it's forced to be stretched even a little bit...it's discouraging. Idk if anyone's been in that kind of situation but if so you know how disheartening and seemingly hopeless it is.

But.
The past few days it's like something's starting to patch up the little hole. Suddenly my pessimism is being proven wrong, just a little, here and there. I start wanting to really believe again, to hope. But it's like this wall in my mind keeps popping up, with all these reasons, valid examples, of why I shouldn't. It blocks my way. And it's logical, hard to ignore. But then there's that whole love thing. Where I WANT to just knock down the wall and let myself let go like I could before. Not caring if I'm setting myself up for more hurt. I kinda just wanna punch the wall of skepticism in the face. But it keeps screaming at me, 'NO. You're STUPID. You're GOING to get hurt again. Try to run past me and you WILL just slam your head again.' And maybe I will. But then, maybe it's just a hologram and I'll get to the other side and be fine. It's a matter of just letting myself do that.

Will that be easy? No. But is it worth another shot anyway, though? I think, just maybe, that it is. Some really fantastic stuff has been happening the past couple days, and whether I had been hoping for it or not, it's exactly what I needed.

So what do you say to taking chances? <3.

♪: "Catch Me" by Demi Lovato.
♫: "Taking Chances" by Celine Dion/covered by Glee

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who spent one entire year with the same boyfriend.

Happy Anniversary, Ash <3.

Just a few quick thoughts on the concept of anniversaries in a teen relationship.

-I think one of the first things I noticed was that it wasn't a huge event like I guess I had sort of expected. Like, when you're in your first few months of a relationship, the idea of your anniversary seems so fantastical, and romantic, and magical. And it is, the idea behind it is. But I think one of the things about being with someone for a year, is that after you're with someone for that year, all of that doesn't really matter as much. It just seems like one more great day with this best friend that you love. It's more about being a big milestone, and an excuse to spend some special time with them. I may not be explaining myself well. It's not that this isn't special; it's incredibly special. It's just I guess that we're just so used to assuming that we'll be with each other now that it's not a big surprise. Which is actually more of a good thing, we're just so accustomed to sharing our lives with each other and we're accustomed to the idea that we'll continue to do so :).

-But also, I can't say it's easy to get to. Anyone who's been following this blog knows that. But the fact that you can make it through an entire year with someone when we're this young astounds me. Because like, Ash has been my boyfriend for a year. Every single one of those three-hundred sixty-five days, we've talked. We've learned things about each other. We've dealt with problems. We've had good days, we've had bad days. But we were there for each other through every single one, and we're still together now. He knows everything about me; he knows what I'm like in January, what I'm like in spring, what I'm like in July. I know all of that about him. We know all this stuff about each other, and we've still decided that we love each other. That, I think, is what's fantastic about this. When you first start a relationship, it's really all about getting to know each other. Finding things you like, don't like. Most of the time, along the way, those things become deal-breakers. So after a year you know all the little ticks and faults of that person; you're not ignorant to anything. So I just think if you do know all those things, and you can still love that person with all of their faults just the same, then that's when you can really tell how real something is.

-It doesn't even seem like that long ago. This afternoon, Ash and I were hanging out in the yard of the Yellow House exactly the way we were a year ago. It was sunny but windy, just like then, and we sat and kissed and talked just like then. And it didn't even seem that far away ago, he even said, "I feel like it could very easily have happened just last week." But then thinking back, all the stuff we've been through, it feels like eons, like a time WITHOUT Ash seems like forever ago. It's just a strange perception of time.

-I couldn't be happier, basically. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, and I'm so excited to start year number two with him <3.

Sorry to any of my single readers for the lovey-dovey post, I just wanted to blurt it out somewhere :). Hope everyone's enjoying October!! It's still definitely my favorite month of the year! :D.

♪: "The Only Exception" by Paramore
♫: "Pretend" by Scott Porter and the Glory Dogs
♪♫: "Catch Me" by Demi Lovato.

-

So here's the deal.

Dearest Darlingest Loyal Bloggity Followers,

It pains me greatly to say I'm taking another hiatus from posting again. I'm sorry. But it appears that every time I get a little bit more personal in my posts because I'm upset and I need to vent, I get flooded with dumbass Formspring brown-nosers who all of a sudden think they know everything about me and feel the need to tell me how to run my life and relationship. And I'm really not okay with that. So if you ARE one of those people who came here curious what everyone's talking about on my Formspring because you think I'm pathetic, or too intense, or dumb, or not fun, or because you want to spread another rumor about Mike being a horrible person (which he is NOT), or because you want more information on how to advise me to live my life, then I would advise you to GO AWAY. I hate you. 

For those of you checking back here because you like reading what I post, or you relate to it, like I've gotten other comments about in the past, I'm really sorry if this is a disappointment. I'll get back as soon as I, once again, clear my head a little and can post more about actual situations I found funny or ironic that point out things about people that I notice...the stuff I originally wanted to post about. 

What I hate the most, I guess, is that I feel like I have to always watch what I say now. I can't just let loose about what's on my mind, because as soon as I do I get a million FS Q's about how I'm messing up. I HATE that that's the case. Even if it got me more viewers I wish I had never posted this on my Formspring to link my identity to it. That was the idea of having codenames and stuff...whoops. I've decided to at least attempt to undo that, I'm taking the link off my Formspring and won't tell anyone what it is if they ask. 

Soooo I'm sorry guys. I just don't really feel comfortable posting for a while, at least until those morons lose interest and forget the URL. I hope you can understand. I'll be back as soon as I feel comfortable, promise <3. 

Love always,

Your Favorite Geek in the Pink. 

♪: "They Provide the Paint (For the Picture-Perfect Masterpiece That You Will Paint On the Inside of Your Eyelids) by Streetlight Manfiesto 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNhBI9Hwwmo (the lyrics are in the description, check them out if you can't understand what he's saying first time through. I LOVE this song.)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who went global?!

SO I've had this blog for over a year and only recently discovered the 'stats' tab xD. 


Basically it gives me a bunch of information about how many people view my blog per day/week/all time, at what times, and from what browsers, and in what countries. But chill--that's all it gives me, so I can't get names or IP's or anything like that :P. BUT it's still really cool. 
Because according to Stats, just this past week I got views from not only the USA, but also Denmark, Iraq, the UK, Canada...and this MONTH I got some from Brazil, France, and Russia, and all-time I've even gotten some from China and Singapore!!


Like WHAAA?! How did you all even find this blog? xD. Regardless, I think that's freaking amazing. I had no IDEA I had readers that diverse. But welcome! Or should I say:


Hi!
Hej!
Halaw!
'Ello!
Salut!
Olá!
Bonjour!
привет!
Neih hou!
Ho bo!


[Terribly sorry if I just swore at someone but I did my best xD]


So yeah, especially my Denmark viewer(s) that checked this even today, introduce yourself! I'd love to meet someone from a different country!


OOH AND ALSO! My next post will be my 100th on this blog! What do you guys think I should do to make it special?? :D. Leave a comment if you have ideas :). 


♪: "It's a Small World" by those creepy animatrons in Disney World that scared me when I was a kid :P.