The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who has reasons to go on.

I got deferred to Regular Decision for Cornell, btw. It's not really bad; it's quite an accomplishment to be considered by an Ivy League and not denied on the first try. It's just infuriating to wait until April for a final decision xP.

But anyway. I'll go on because of all the reasons on the wall to the left side of my bed.

But what about that wall is so special?


I'm glad you asked, voice that prompts my next paragraph! The wall to the right of my bed is my Wall of Reasons. Reasons to, well, not give up and die. I get really down sometimes and question if I even want to exist anymore. But when I open my eyes in the morning the first thing I see is the stuff on that wall, and  it gives me just enough hope to carry on for one more day. On my wall currently hangs:

-A baby animal calendar. Because death would upset a baby animal and I mean come on how can you upset that face. 
-Three different cards from Devon: One thanking me for the cupcakes I made for his birthday, one with "You're a good friend and person!!!" in really big letters because he knew I was down, and one from his fish as a thank-you for fish-sitting him. Because Devon is the best friend I could ask for, and I know that no matter what happens in my life, I'll always be able to give him a call and he'll always be there for me and make me smile again. 
-A piece of paper from my World Lit II class from Sophomore Year where everyone wrote nice things about me (there was a similar page for each person). Because some of the people I wasn't even close friends with wrote the sweetest things. They complained about running out of room because everyone else wrote too much :). It helps me remember that sometimes even people who don't always say it out loud are still rooting for me and still care.
-A prom picture of me and Sal and our prom invitation. Because it was such a magical night and the memory always brings a smile to my face. I can't think about anything sad when I remember prom.
-A letter that a girl (now graduated) put in my Psyche Box for the musical last year about why she thinks I'm great. Because she followed me on Tumblr and knew how I was feeling about things, so she wrote really personal and thoughtful sentiments that made me cry my stage make-up off. I miss her, the musical won't be the same without her. With her talent and strength and bubbliness she's been my role model for years and what she said meant a lot to me. If she never gave up then I won't, either.
-A cartoon that Ash drew me while he was in the hospital last February, and a letter he wrote me before I left for Australia. Because even when I remember the bad things and I hate him and consequently hate myself for ever staying with him so long, it reminds me that he wasn't always all bad, and I wasn't entirely stupid for liking him at the time so I can't blame myself. Things just changed.
-A picture of me, Devon, Sal, and Fred at the NHS induction. Because it means a lot that these friends that I've had since 8th grade have stuck with me, and that we've all grown and become successful. We're recognized nationally for having good character, service, scholarship, and leadership, and that's nothing to sneeze at. Plus we're all dressed up and we look flyyyyyy.
-My punch-card for the 5 surfing lessons I took in Australia. Because I'm a hot surfer chick, dammit, and that makes me cooler than any bitch that tries to put me down. How many world-champion surfers have YOU met because they were just chilling out on the same beach, hmm? Yeah didn't think so, move along.
-A menu from the Apple Pie Bakery Cafe at the Culinary Institute of America, and two dried leaves that I picked from bushes at Cornell (they even had my favorite shrubs at Cornell, they're like these green bushes with oval leaves that turn a deep pink, my favorite color, in fall.) Because I have the potential to reach these dreams. I've worked so hard, why give up before I can reach the reward I've earned? It would be such a waste to die before getting there.
-The review from the Rampage of One Acts last year, a picture of our One Acts cast at Prom, part of the program from this year's One Acts, and a couple other pictures of the cast from this year's show. Because when I think about the high, the absolute euphoria that directing gives me...that's what I live for. Because if I can do that, think what else I could do. But only if I don't give up.
-A picture that DJ drew for me. It's a drawing of me baking, playing Pokemon, being in Les Mis, speaking French, and just standing and smiling, all in her adorable cartoon style with hilarious captions like, "Davana is a kickass Pokemon trainer. 'Bitches don't know 'bout my Pikachu.'". Because I couldn't bear to hurt friends like her who care so much about me. She's such a great girl and she has enough on her plate as it is; I'd be selfish to do something that would stress her out more when she does so much to make everyone happy. Plus the pictures make me smile :). 
-My SAT score. Because dammit I've worked hard to be smart and no one can take that away from me. There are enough morons in this world, we can't afford to lose any smart people. That number means a potential for future success, it means I have a lot of worth to the world; I'm not worthless or dumb like I can get in the habit of thinking.
-The postcard that Stephen brought back for me from MoMA. Because I was depressed that week and then he gave me that. I had never expected it but it made me so happy to think someone was thinking of me. Random acts of kindness can happen unexpectedly anytime; maybe the day I don't get up is the day I was going to get one, and why would I want to miss that? You can never tell what's coming around the bend, so don't quit before you even see what it is. 
-Two really good colored-pencil drawings by Sal; one of a leaf pinned on a framed board for my birthday, and one of a rose for my performance in Midsummer's. Because Sal exists. And he loves me enough to spend lots of time drawing me things. And also because he exists and that's enough reason right there. When I bring up the bad times in the past he gets really upset because he came "far too close" to losing me. If I hadn't kept going, we wouldn't have ended back up together. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.




And that's why I'm still here. So thanks, anyone that was involved in any of that. Thanks a whole bunch :).

*: "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who wrote and directed a winning One Act play.

That's right. I did it. We did it. 

Running up onto the stage to claim our victory was one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Trying to hold back tears of happiness and pride and tell everyone how grateful we were…that’s something I’ll never forget. 

I love that cast so much. We worked so hard. Just about everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong, but we pulled through. I did everything I possibly could and it paid off. If we decided we needed a severed limb as a prop I’d be the first to take a saw to my arm, this show meant that much to me xD. After four years we just needed this; if we had lost I don’t know if I could have lived with myself, knowing that I let them down every year. But it doesn’t matter, because we did it. It’s really a feat, too, the other grades were all awesome but we still pulled it off :D. 

We have so much fun together, too. Like my favorite memories aren’t just of the show, but of blaring Glee music in DeMeo’s room and everyone (even Jack and Calvin!!) dancing like crazy people and having a good time, laughing and just enjoying each other’s company. They’re genuinely such great people :). 

Being a director is one of the most rewarding feelings there is. Just the amazing process of sitting on my bed typing up a script on my laptop, then distributing it to the cast, guiding them as they learn and rehearse, and finally seeing what I had imagined on paper suddenly be real right before my eyes…it’s incomparable. Although, it wasn’t even what I imagined on paper; they took each part as I wrote it for them and made it even more their own, made it better than I could have ever dreamed of.

It’s not easy, though, to keep a confident and level head even when inside you’re terrified. Watching the sophomores last night, I’ll admit I got really scared. The audience laughed every minute of it and I didn’t know if my cast was going to be able to top that kind of reaction. I was freaking out for like 5 minutes to Jack and a couple others, but when we came back into the room for a meeting we talked about all the strengths we have, and how it’s good that the audience will be prepared to laugh and enjoy our show even more. We got so excited that we broke into a stampede singing “OLE OLE OLE OLE! OLE, OLE!” and running through all the basement hallways during intermission xD. We took our cast pictures and then dispersed and I found myself talking to Jack. He made a comment that he was glad that I didn’t let the cast see how nervous I was and I simply replied, “Well of course.” Director’s can’t show fear. Directors take fear from the actors and turn it into motivation, that’s our job. I’m sure Chico and maybe others that know me well enough might have picked up on something but for the most part, I’d call a screaming running skipping stampede of excitement a display of some pretty good morale xD. 

(And for the record, although I think I was justified in being concerned because it’s my job to prepare for and preempt the worst-case scenerios, the cast shouldn’t take that a lack of confidence in their abilities. I know they were awesome, I just didn’t quite know how awesome they would have to be to win. Obviously they did :D.)

I don’t know if the cast ever really truly understands what it takes to direct a show. I sure as hell didn’t until I tried it freshman year, and not even then until really sophomore year in our first year that we actually performed. It’s all the little details that need to be taken care of, all the tasks and stresses that no one else ever really has to concern themselves with that are necessary to put on a good show. And the stress of such a responsibility…it’s certainly not for the light-hearted. But oh when it works how it pays off. :)

Tips I’ve Learned (that might the younger grade directors with their shows next year if they don’t do these already):
-If people can’t or aren’t going to be committed for at least 85% of the rehearsals, give them a small role or tell them to reconsider auditioning. Learned that one the hard way :P.
-Just stop talking then talk softly when you want to make a point about something, yelling just makes everyone else yell louder; talking softly means they need to listen.
-Don’t take just criticism notes, take positive compliments too. I just personally love the look on an actor’s face when you give them a positive note. They really value it :).
-One of the coolest things I love doing with our cast is before each performance, I have them think of a song that embodies their character to keep stuck in their head during the show. They seem to really like it and the song choices are always really spot-on. It helps keep you thinking in character and focused. Like mine last night was Party in the USA, [character names!] Amin’s was Sexy and I Know It, JenJen’s was Ours, Raphael’s was I Want It All, Steven’s was Hard Knock Life etc, etc.
-Don’t take competition too seriously: love everyone! Feuds are a waste of time. I love the post-show hugging between all the grades, everyone congratulating one another, it’s so awesome. No one likes the, “_____ SHOULD HAVE WON!!” guys :P. 

God I am so proud of them. The more I think about it the more I just want to keep giving big cast group hugs. 

So yeah. That’s pretty much my reflection on One Acts and directing this year. I'm going to miss it so much, it's easily been my favorite activity that I've been a part of in High School.

*: "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson
**: "Hey Soul Sister" by Train

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who hasn't forgotten her annual Thanksgiving post!

This year I am thankful:

-For my wonderful family in Australia, and the fact that I had the opportunity to spend time with them in February/The fact that I'm a dual Australian citizen.
-For the doctors, technology, and pure luck that's saved Ash from dying again and again. Just because he screws a lot of stuff up doesn't mean he deserves to die.
-That Sal agreed to go to prom with me.
-For the most fun prom I could have imagined.
-That I was cast as the parts I was in both South Pacific and A Midsummer Night's Dream; both were perfect for me.
-That Stephen appeared in my life, and especially for the conversation that we once had about how he liked desserts, which was essentially the beginning of my cupcake and baking hobby.
-For everything on my Wall of Reasons (I'll write a post about that later).
-For a stable family that loves me and takes care of me the best they can. They're far from perfect, but they care about me and that's all that really matters.
-That I finally found the strength to tell Ash goodbye for good.
-For my driver's license and beautiful car.
-For Mr. Rood: because the sentence, "Have you looked at Cornell? They have a hospitality school that you might like," may just be the start of the rest of my life. I'm also thankful he got through his heart surgery okay.
-For Devon, because he got me a really thoughtful (and useful!) gift for my birthday, and he was SO helpful with looking over my college essay/supplement essays. I'm thankful he's stayed such a good friend for all these years.
-For Chico, because he's the best co-director of One Acts I could ask for.
-For Tomas Kalnoky and Streetlight Manifesto, and Jason Mraz.
-For the internet.
-For Sal. For everything he's done and does and hopefully will continue to do to make my life better and keep me feeling safe and happy in any way he can.

Oh, and my new pea coat. It's frickin' adorable and I got it 60% off on Black Friday. Booyah :D.

OOH AND COMPLETELY UNRELATED TANGENT! Because I said I'd keep you guys posted on this. Nivea A Kiss of Milk and Honey may just be my new favorite lip balm. I haven't had a single issue since I started using it two weeks ago. It's nice and smooth, smells and works great. Finally a solution! :D

But yeah I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Gotta love a country that celebrates giving thanks one day and obscene greed the next xD.

*: "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who thinks thou wilt enjoyeth "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

So thou should cometh to see it. :D It's this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at 7:30pm at CHS.

Rehearsals for that and One Acts have been keeping me on my toes so I have little to no free time anymore, but I guess it's fun. After it's all over and I have some time I'll write a longer post about my opinions on Shakespeare and performing it and why it is NOT SCARY OR DIFFICULT AT ALL if you just approach it with an open mind. Right now I just wanted to explain my absence and encourage you to come see it because it's really a hilarious show. I'm playing Quince, the director of the Mechanicals (a group of tradesmen who want to put on a play for the Duke) and it's quite the fitting part for me, being a director and such, so it's a fun role.

There's cross-dressing, lovers quarrels, magical fairy face-offs, a talking wall, and a guy named Bottom whose head gets turned into that of an ass...what more could you ask for? :D

*: "Stereo Hearts" by Gym Class Heroes. It's been on the radio a lot lately and it's one of the few songs on the radio that I actually enjoy.

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's a big fan of Newton's Third Law.

Or like that Seinfeld episode where Jerry realizes he's always in equilibrium, things always equal out for him. This weekend has been entirely HOORAY!-booo-HOORAY!-booo but so far it's all worked out in the end :).

Exempli gratia:

The snowstorm on Saturday meant Sal couldn’t come over…but school being cancelled on Monday meant he could stay all afternoon and evening on Sunday!

The power at my house has been out so it was freezing…which gave me a good reason to stay at Sal’s overnight because they have a wood stove that keeps the house warm!

The Halloween parade is cancelled or postponed…because we got another 3 (so far) days of school off!

No one was out trick-or-treating last night…so we’re probably going to get to get dressed up and do the whole thing again on Saturday!


I finally had to go home...but my dad had the generator hooked up to the water pump and water heater so I could take a nice hot shower when I got there.

There’s nothing to do at home…so I have an excuse to hang out at Dunkin Donuts with wifi drinking a peppermint hot cocoa. Yum :D.

~

There aren’t even words for how perfectly lovely last night was. Hanging out with the guys, then later snuggling by a warm fire, just talking until we fell asleep. I’m still not convinced it was real life and not a dream. Definitely the best Halloween I’ve ever experienced. And it was MUCH better than being stuck in the same house with my parents for yet another day xD.

Oh, and Sal’s dad built a Snow Jack-o-Lantern and put one of those flameless tealights in it. Just one more reason to love that family.

So yeah now I’m chilling here at Dunkin Donuts using their wifi. Or rather burning, because this peppermint hot cocoa is scalding my tastebuds. It's yummy though :).

Probably should get more work done on that poetry project for Chorn-To-Be-Wild. Good lord she's going to be furious when we get back to class about missing school...not looking forward to that xP. 


Stay warm :).

*: "If My Heart Was A House" by Owl City
**: "Stay The Night" by James Blunt

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who has submitted her college applications.

It's a beautiful, beautiful feeling.

Things I'd advise to juniors and such after going through "the process":

-Chill the f**k out. Tell your parents to chill the f**k out. I started researching colleges and visiting them in like, April of my junior year. I visited more in the summer and I was FINE. This starting in sophomore year shenanigans just prolongs the stress.
-Write an essay as soon as the occasion strikes you as soon as you can. Something awesome happens to you? Write an essay about it. Something horrible happens? Write an essay about it. Something that comes naturally comes out better than when you force a college essay because you need a college essay.
-VISIT VISIT VISIT. I actually considered applying to UConn until I visited the campus and saw 4 people I knew in like 3 hours. Knew at that moment I was going out of state. You have to find the places you can really picture yourself in, the places you walk around the campus smiling the whole time.
-Take SATs and SAT IIs as early as you feel comfortable in Junior year. Personally I regret taking the SATs the same week of AP tests and the NHS application; it ended up working out fine but it was a lot of stress in a short amount of time that I wouldn't like to repeat. Plus the earlier you take them the more chances you have to retake.
-When you do take the SATs, CHILL THE F**K OUT (detecting a pattern yet?). A lot of my friends who bought the review books, took the prep classes, and were freaking out and getting no sleep before the test did significantly worse than I, who said, "eh, I'll do the SAT question of the day for a few months, get sleep the night before, then try my best and if I don't do well I have plenty of time to retake it so no worries." I really think the lack of stress helped me focus better than if I was freaking out and overthinking.
-When you decide where you're applying, get those transcript request and recommendation forms in ASAP: if you leave it to the 15-school-days-before, you risk your application not being complete on time. There was such a rush in mid-October this year that Mrs. Flood was turning people away because Guidance just couldn't handle it. Getting your act together sooner than later and makes life easier for everyone.
-Did I mention chilling the f**k out? Seriously, you should not be coming into study hall crying from stress. It's ridiculous and means you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Relax, have some faith in yourself, and just do the best you can.
-Just apply to schools you want to go to. So many people have been telling me they're applying to 10 schools but only even liked about 5. Um, no. I applied to 3, and will apply to one more if I don't get into ANY of those early decision. Some of those are easier to get into than others but I don't think I'll get denied from all 4. And applying to extra schools that I wouldn't even go to if they DID accept me is a waste of time and a $70 application fee, so why bother?
-Interview! It's really helpful and gives them a better idea of who you are. I know personally I'm a lot more charming in person than on paper so it certainly can't hurt :P.
-RRRREEEEELLLLAAAAXXXX.
-Don't lie about your SAT scores. Particularly if they're just unreasonable. And you magically received them a full day before they were released to anyone else. You just make yourself look silly.
-When you finish an application, go eat ice cream. That's an order. And pat yourself on the back. You done good, kid. :D

So yeah. Now we wait :O.

*: "Make It Mine" by Jason Mraz

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who can sleep when she's dead!

The whole "relax" thing is kind of a foreign concept to me. In the last 10 days I have:

-Visited Cornell University, been interviewed by the School of Hotel Administration, toured the SHA building, and toured the main campus in a two-day trip

-Been inducted into the National Honor Society

-Memorized my lines in a scene in Midsummer Night's Dream

-Attended 6 hours of rehearsal time and an additional 3 hours of cast bonding for Midsummer's

-Won an apple fritter eating contest! :D (Against a group of 13 teenage boys and Naomi!! It was awesome. Apple fritters from the Southington Apple Fest are one of my favorite foods ever, they're like happiness and apples deep fried in smiles and coated in cinnamon sugar and crack. I ate 12 for the contest and won $30 :D)

-Wrote the 30 page script of a play

And there's still a huge list of more things that I could have been doing but have put off for the next 10 days xP. BUT Lia made me feel bad for not posting so I'm here anyway :D. I'm far too exhausted to come up with anything horribly witty but here are updates on the most important/prevalent things in my life right now:

-Cornell University School of Hotel Administration. Think about your favorite food, freshly homemade. Think about how delicious it would be. Think about how much you want it right now. That desire, to the 10th power, is how badly I want to go to the SHA. It's PERFECT for me. Their alliance with the Culinary Institute makes it possible for me to do everything I want, while still going to an amazing university to get the best possible hospitality training I could. The campus is BEAUTIFUL, the SHA building is really modern and gorgeous, and everything about the school was just amazing. My interview went well so the last thing I have to worry about is my essay but I have a plan for that so I think I'll be okay. And funny story: I love the song "Hey, Soul Sister" because it reminds me of happiness and Australia and the person I want to be and the way I want to feel. And while we were visiting Cornell, guess what song just *happened* to be playing from their bell tower between a class? :D IT'S SERIOUSLY MEANT TO BE. If I get in Early Decision I'm probably going to make carnelian and white sugar cookies and mail them some in gratitude :D.

-One Acts and Midsummers. I'm the director in One Acts, and I play the director Quince in Midsummers, lawls :D. Both are really fun. I'm glad the One Acts script is finally settled (AND AMAZING) and Midsummers is a lot of fun. It's cool being in one play while directing another, because it really makes me appreciate how hard it is when I tell the actors to be off-book in a week xD. 

-Sal. Our one-month was a few days ago, and he's awesome, basically :). I mean we have issues sometimes with basic stuff, like the ratio of relationship to family to friends, or when it's okay to spend more time with your deck of Magic cards than your girlfriend (jokes!!) but I think that's fairly normal for the beginning of a relationship and we're figuring it out okay. We're having a romantic birthday dinner on Friday (I'm turning 17 on Sunday :D) which we're both really looking forward to :). 

-The whole eating/body-image thing. Eh..It's getting there. It's a lot more frustrating for Sal to deal with than I originally realized, and I feel pretty terrible causing stress for him and fights for us, so I'm working on being a little more accepting of myself and less obsessive with food and appearance and such. 

-Did I mention Cornell? Sorry it's kind of one of the only things I talk about anymore.

-The Haunted Effing Hayride. Ooh this is going to be a fun long rant xP. Here's the deal because I want to make sure you know what actually happened. I'm a class senator, and we're having a Haunted Hayride fundraiser. So Smasher assigned me to come up with ideas for the Haunted Hayride to scare people. I did, and presented a long list of scary, inexpensive, and easy to execute ideas to the class officers. They loved them, thought they'd be really scary and great, then gave me a map of Bishop Farms that the senior class used last year, and asked me to write a story for the hayride that would fit with the scare tactic things I came up with. That was my assignment. (That and to make cookies to sell as well but that's unrelated) I was given no guidelines or restrictions except the map. So I spent three hours one afternoon writing the whole fricking thing and putting it all on the map and writing up a list of volunteers needed, materials needed, everything they asked and beyond. I then presented it to the class officers, and they (except Smasher who was busy with Twerp but I'll get to that) loved that as well! They said it was creative and really scary and would be great. Awesome, right?

NOT AWESOME.

Because see TWERP just decided to show up to the meetings because he was a volunteer for the Hayride last year. He isn't an officer, he just decided to show up. When I went over my plan, he said that he had some materials from a Haunted House he and his family used to do that would fit into my plan. Great, I thought, even if he's pretentious and arrogant maybe he can be of some use. Then after that meeting, I went to rehearsal, and unbeknownst to me, Smasher and Twerp went to the farm to show the plan to the farmer guy there. Who apparently rejected the entire thing, because it sounded dangerous, and the map was wrong because things had changed since last year. Now let me just say of COURSE it sounded dangerous, danger is what SCARES people. If i had been there to explain just how the danger was only SEEMINGLY dangerous and the plan I had for executing it could not actually potentially harm anyone, it would have been fine. If Smasher had been paying attention to my initial presentation and listened to how I verbally explained the safety precautions (aside from the written script, which is what they showed the farmer), it would have been fine. BUT NO so my entire idea got canned. This was the weekend I went to Cornell. So I get an inbox in the car on the way up from Smasher asking me to call him about the hayride, no specifics. I explained I couldn't, I was busy, but if he just inboxed me what I needed to do I could do it. He said it was fine, he'd take care of it, and that was the last I heard.

I returned from Cornell on Monday evening and went to Senate where I was talking to the other senior senators. They were telling me about the meeting that afternoon where Twerp had presented his new plan. New plan? I asked. Yes, they said, they can't use your idea so Twerp rewrote a new one. Clearly I was confused, so I asked Smasher the next day after Lit. He didn't have much time to talk but said something about the danger liability thing. The day after that, I was walking in the hall and found myself next to Kevin (who I'm talking to again now :D) and Twerp himself. So I said, "So, I hear you're in charge of the Haunted Hayride plan now?" And arrogant as always, he said, "Oh yeah, [Farmer] hated it, there's no way we could do [scary awesome but safe stunt] or [terrifyingly epic but safe stunt] and he just didn't like it at ALL, so I stepped in and wrote a new one with all my old haunted house stuff." Fantastic, I thought. I was really upset that I had basically been completely replaced without my knowledge or consent, and by this TWERP of all people, so I inboxed Smasher as politely as I could explaining that I wish he had just let me know what was going on. Because really I can't blame him at all, he's busy with too many things to worry about one person, so if something needs to be done and someone is right there that says they can do it, they're doing it. Plus with Twerp donating all the decorations he's pretty much cornered Smasher. So (as much as I wish he had come to ME to edit the script once they knew the restrictions, or I wish he had just TOLD me when it happened) I hold nothing against him at all, just the arrogant little Twerp. Who STILL has the balls to try to sit with Sal and I at lunch. The other day I made it VERY clear he was not welcome and he still didn't leave, just sort of turned around and was reading the Hayride script. So naturally I was curious so I took a glance at the script over his shoulder and OH LOOK AT THAT HE USED THE INTRODUCTION FROM MY VERSION ABSOLUTELY VERBATIM. HOW FREAKING CREATIVE OF HIM. Asshole. Like seriously it's not that he replaced me because like I said, I totally see Smasher's logic. It's just that some annoying NON-class officer would just swoop in, tell me they hated my script and it was awful, then use half of it anyway, and just give me such an intolerable attitude AGHH I want to scream just thinking about it. And I'm not the only one who feels that way, I was talking to the senators on Monday and they aren't too happy with him either xP. So that's that. I've kinda gotten over it since I'm just doing the cookie sale now but it's just his arrogance I can't tolerate. I'll be glad when this is all over. 

-Homework. Which after spending an hour writing this I should probably get back to xD. 

*: "Make It Mine" by Jason Mraz

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's addicted to lip balm.

I have no problem admitting that. 

It started back in the winter of 8th grade, when it was incredibly dry and I had no concept of moisturizer or Chap-Stick. My hands got so dry they cracked and my lips were a mess of bleeding flakes--It wasn't pretty. Rather disgusting, actually, I'll come right out and say it. After that I vowed never to let myself get into that state again. 

And I haven't! Since then, I put on moisturizer every morning. Plus my backpack/purse/pocket has always contained hand lotion; I can identify nearly any scent in Bath and Body Works with a sniff. But lip balms...lip balms I've gone a little too far with. There are currently three varieties in my backpack, one in my wallet, and another five on the bedside table next to me. Four of those I've bought in the last month in a desperate attempt to repair the damage that was done in the past few months (lots of sun plus constant Ctrl+Z'ing does quite a number in making lips scaly and gross, who knew? That's actually the reason I stopped, which is a tad superficial but still probably good) so I've really broadened my expertise. Anyway, I've become quite the connoisseur on which brands and flavors work the best and smell the best, so I figure now that we're coming up to the drier part of the year I could make some recommendations! 

EOS

Aka "Evolution of Smooth". I love this brand, and have tried nearly all of their flavors. The balm comes in a little smooth sphere (google it if you don't know what I mean) and it's all natural and mostly organic, without parabens or any other icky chemicals. I find it really soaks into my lips fast and feels smooth but light. "Summer Fruit" and "Honeysuckle Honeydew" are really fruity for summer, "French Vanilla" is sweet and delish, "Sweet Mint" tastes a lot like the Orbit Sweet Mint gum (which I happen to adore) and gives you a nice cooling feeling. "Tangerine" is their medicated variety but it actually didn't do as good of a job in repairing chapped lips as I had hoped, and it tasted pretty disgusting. It's an excellent brand if your lips are already in good shape and you just want them to stay that way, but that's about it. Finding all the varieties is also a little hard (I ordered mine online from Target) and they spheres can get a little annoying to transport since they don't fit in your pocket easily. But overall this is probably my favorite brand, and once I get some birthday money I'll probably end up buying their new "Strawberry Sorbet" balm and new hand lotions as well. 

Blistex

The medicine-y one. The "Mint" flavor is a little less that way, though. This does a better job at repairing damage, especially cracks from dryness. I use it the same way I use Neosporin on a cut. Not every day, but if you get a boo-boo it'll fix it up nicely. It didn't really help the summer damage either, though. Apparently it's also good for cold sores but I've never needed that so I'll just take the packaging's word for it. 

Chap-Stick and other Chap-Stick Knock Offs

I actually don't know how people use this stuff. The other day I was in the car with my mother and I didn't have any balm with me because I left it in my backpack in my car. She offered me her Chap-Stick and like...ew. It coated my lips with a thick waxy layer that just sat there until it got crumbly in the corners of my mouth and I wiped it off anyway. That goes the same for Lip Smackers balm, and the collection of flavored Chap-Sticks I bought a couple years ago because they had flavors like "Whoppers" "Cherry Jolly Rancher" and "M&Ms". They smelled amazing but did next to nothing. Apparently Chap-Stick does have like a trillion different natural or shimmery or colorful types now, but I'm still not willing to try. It's cheap, but you get what you pay for. 

Vaseline

The most basic of lip treatments. I use this mostly for after exfoliating lips (using an old toothbrush; I found the tutorial on Tumblr once and it works great), when I want something that'll really soak in. It's petroleum-based though, which means the oil can cause more breakouts around your mouth, so I use it sparingly. 

Dionis

I picked this up at a gift shop in Cape Cod back in August and OH MY GOODNESS it's probably the best tasting lip balm ever created. The flavor I have is called "Chocolate Caramel Macchiato Coffee" and it's AMAZING. It has goat's milk and vitamin E and other relatively natural ingredients (beeswax, sunflower seed oil, jojoba seed oil, ooh and there's caffeine in here too, sweet!) which make for really nice smooth moisturizing too. Plus the label says it's made in the USA, not tested on animals, and asks you to please recycle the tube! Yayy going green! (Oh and that actually reminds me, I once got a balm made from bamboo. It worked fine but smelled horrible. Just a side note.)

Softlips

I got this because it's a really skinny tube that fit nicely in the crease of my wallet so it was easier to carry. I have it in vanilla and it's nice, nothing special except it's especially convenient. Neither this nor the Dionis helped with damage repair either, they're like EOS and better for maintenance. Plus this has SPF which is always good.

Baby Lips by Maybelline

I actually just got this one the other day at Rite-Aid, it's brand new and I love it. One caveat: the color of the balm is the color it makes your lips. I had to return the cherry flavor in favor of "Quenched" because it was clear instead of bright red. I actually really love this so far. I got it as a last resort to fix up the summer damage because the package guaranteed "Clinical Strength: 82% visibly less dry, 94% less rough (that's what I was going for), 77% more supple, and 77% better looking lips." I've been using it for only two days now and I'm already noticing a difference and loving it. There's no distinct flavor to "Quenched" but it isn't bad or anything, just neutral. The only downside is I'm not a fan of the huge list of unpronounceable chemicals under Inactive Ingredients, it's nothing like EOS's list of shea butter, various fruit extracts, and beeswax. I'll probably just use this one until my lips are back to being healthy and nice again and then go back to EOS or Dionis.

So there you go! Hopefully this is helpful and doesn't just make you think I'm hopelessly obsessed with lip balms. Because I am, but I mean I don't need people thinking it ;D.

Off to write more application essays and a One Acts script and a Haunted Hayride plan and study for the SATs!

*: "Fabulous" from High School Musical 2

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's going to say hi to Kevin on Monday.

Sal and I have both always supported the idea that everything happens for a reason. We're living proof of it. Today he used that same idea (plus some comforting cuddles) to help me come to terms with something that's been eating away at me for a while.

I've mentioned Stephen before. Codenamed after a photographer he loves. He's the super individual hipster that I fell hard and fast for back in March until he left to move back home and never contacted me or replied to my attempts to contact him since.

The reason it bothered me so much wasn't necessarily that he totally shunned me and most of his other friends from Cheshire once he left. It was more that I was angry--furious, even--at myself for throwing myself yet again into a daydream that meant nothing to the other party, thus setting myself up for failure once again. I mean even if he acted like he liked me for a time...clearly if he actually did he'd at least have tried to continue a friendship, that's all I would have wanted since I knew he was going to college anyway. Anyway, I was furious at myself for allowing myself to get hurt again, dangerously furious, and I tended to take it out on the obnoxious junior in my French class who had at one point in June taken it upon himself to tell Stephen that he should ask me out xP. I liked to pretend it was that kid's fault for scaring Stephen off and that's why he won't talk to me, so I could direct all my hatred to him when truthfully it should have remained aimed at myself.

Or, maybe it shouldn't. At least that's what Sal came up with. Maybe my desperation to impress Stephen was the best thing that ever happened to me.

One evening, Stephen and I had been chatting on Facebook about traveling and why we both love it, and how other countries have such awesome foods and awesome desserts. He mentioned how he loves desserts and cakes and such. So the next evening I had nothing to do so I figured why not throw together a batch of cupcakes to impress him? I picked out a new cook book that my mom had bought but never touched and made a batch of vanilla cupcakes with purple and yellow colored raspberry/lemon/vanilla frosting flowers. (And for the record, that same book is now stained with numerous splotches of batter because it's the best vanilla cake recipe I've ever found). I brought them into Physics the next day first period and offered him one which he seemed to enjoy. I thought that maybe I should try a more impressive cupcake, like coffee cupcakes with creamy frosting and a munchkin on top, loosely based on a cupcake I had seen on Tumblr. He really enjoyed that one, and so did the other friends that I offered the cupcakes to. The next weekend I thought I'd try another recipe. Then another, and another, until soon enough I realized I had quite a talent and passion for baking.


Now, several months later, I'm applying early decision to Cornell School of Hotel Administration because they offer a degree program where one can get a Bachelor's degree in hospitality management, and in the middle spend 9 months at the Culinary Institute of America earning an Associate's degree in Culinary Arts, thus graduating in 4 to 4 1/2 years with all the knowledge needed to own, run, and cook in any restaurant in the world. Then likely I'll return to the CIA to earn an Associate's in Baking and Pastry Arts as well, because that's my true passion.

And that very well may not have happened without Stephen.


So Sal's theory is that the reason Stephen was a part of my life was to introduce me to a passion I was meant to discover. I shouldn't hate myself for allowing myself to become attached so fast, I should be glad I did; if I hadn't, I wouldn't have been so intent on impressing him and wouldn't have started all the baking. It's still pretty shitty that he just left without a single look back and I'm not sure about the reason for that yet, maybe it was just to remind me again that I need to be careful with who I trust.

Regardless, tonight I finally came to terms with the fact that maybe jackasses who ignore your homemade cookie care packages are really blessings in disguise. I don't feel as angry anymore, at myself or at the dorky junior, and it's a really nice relief. So yeah. Sal tames the crazinesses that are my emotions once again. At least this one I know I'm not making a mistake by trusting :).

Oh, and for the record I'm pretty awful at Boggle.
Also for the record Pokepark Wii: Pikachu's Adventure is one of the most adorable and fun games ever.
Also also for the record things with Sal are going great and I couldn't be happier to have him :).
Also also also for the record my interview with Cornell is next Monday. If anyone else has done Ivy interviews and can give me tips or pointers please comment! I'm so nervous, I want to get into that program so badly :(.

*: "I Don't Wish You Were Dead Anymore" by Bowling for Soup
**: "If My Heart Was A House" by Owl City

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen from a wealthy small town in New England.

I'm trying to keep up my daily posting but nothing terribly interesting happened today, soo...FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!

[Wait I lied. Quick update, I'm in Young Democrats this year and it's actually really awesome so far, I'm really glad I joined so special thanks to those who helped me get involved, I'm really looking forward to all the meetings and events and stuff!!]

Okay now here's the list!

Best of First World Problems (They're hilarious because you know at least 5 things on this list have irritated you in the last two days)


I want to drink some coffee, but I also want to take a nap later.

My mom just started following my twitter feed.

I typed 5318008 in the calculator on my phone, but I couldn't flip it over and see 'boobies' because the screen automatically corrects itself.

My mom didn't buy the orange juice with Vitamin D in it, so now I have to go outside.

My hoodie drawstring got pulled too far on one side and now one end is way inside the hood

My flat screen TV takes a second to turn on. Sometimes I get confused if I actually turned it on and turn it back off by accident.

I really want breakfast at McDonalds, but I can’t get up before 11.

The croutons in my salad keep breaking when I stab them with the fork.

I keep dropping my phone on my face when I am texting in bed. 

My graham cracker didn’t break along the perforation.

I’ve been hitting “reboot later” every 4 fucking hours for days now.

Something just beeped, and I have no idea what.

When I put my spoon into my empty pudding cup, it tips over.

I can never find the matching Tupperware lids and containers.

I woke up at noon and don't know if I should eat breakfast or lunch.

I dont have enough dip for my chips...but if I open another container, I wont have enough chips for my dip.

I keep thinking I got a text because everyone has the same iPhone ringtone as me.

It was raining today so I had to drive to school with my convertible roof up. 

Starbucks has better coffee than Dunkin’ Donuts, but Dunkin’ Donuts has better donuts than Starbucks, so I had to go to both.

I wanted to buy a hotdog at the fair, but I didn't want to break a $20.

*: "Rockin' the Suburbs" by Ben Folds

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who should go back in time and tell her ninth grade self to chill the f*** out.

[P.S. This is a shoutout to Hope and an apology for keeping her waiting :P]

Sal and I are back together. Third time's the charm, right? :)
Okay I've been debating how to present how this happened and I think I'm going to just write it like a story and then explain it. So here goes!

It was a beautiful and warm early September day (9-10-11 to be exact) and we had been spending the afternoon strolling around the Fall Festival either alone or with our friends, chatting and enjoying the day. Eventually after a very pretty sunset (idk if anyone else noticed but Saturday night you could see the sunset and the moon in the sky at the same time, it was really cool) we bought overpriced tickets and waited in line and boarded the Ferris wheel. As we neared the top and were looking out over all the pretty lights, we kissed and I snuggled into his shoulder. We hadn't hung out at all since the last day of summer, and I was really happy to finally be alone with him again, even if only for a couple minutes on the ride. The ride continued to turn as I was nestled against him when out of the blue in a very low voice he asked the same heart-skipping words I'd heard from him twice before:
"Will you go out with me?"
I smiled.
Blinked.
Gave him a puzzled look.
Smiled again.
Paused.
"...what?"
Granted not the most eloquent or romantic of responses, but he caught me off guard! And I knew he knew me well enough to understand what I meant and wouldn't be offended so I wasn't worried. He smiled back and I continued.
"Didn't we agree that was kind of a bad idea for right now?"
"Well yeah, but I was thinking about it and like this last week was just great, we might as well have been a couple by how we were interacting, and I don't really think this will change much."
"Okay...we should like, figure this out."
"Exactly, let's talk."
And we did. For the rest of the Ferris wheel ride we just talked out what we were thinking, the way we always do. No awkwardness, just discussing. It's not something that I think I could do with anyone but Sal, but we're just so comfortable around each other that it works perfectly. We continued the conversation across the street to our cars (to get blankets to sit on while watching the fireworks) until at 8:30 (NOT 9:00 like the paper said :P) some of the first fireworks went off while we were still getting blankets from his van. So the conversation went on hold for a minute while we burst into a full-on sprint back across the street to the field where we lay down the towels (not that they helped, the ground was 80% water at least) and watched the fireworks. And kissed again, because he's adorable and we're cliche like that.
"So did you wanna keep talking, or just watch the fireworks for now?"
"Just the fireworks if that's alright?"
"Yeah totally!"
He leaned back and I lay perpendicular with my head on his stomach and we watched the fireworks. It was actually a really great show, I have to admit.
*Turns head to look at him smiling*
"Hey stop that, watch the fireworks."
"But you're attractive!"
"But these fireworks are only once, maybe twice a year!"
"But but but!"
"Watch the fireworks!"
"Nyeeeeahhh!"
*Verrrry slowly turns head again*
"I see that."
"Fiiiiiiiiiine."
I just included that because it's a pretty good picture of how we interact xD. Anyway after they finished we stayed where we were and chatted a little more. We got up to leave and as we were walking he turned to me.
"So, what do you say? About like, this?"
"It seems like a pretty darn good deal to me. So yes. :)"
"Awesomeee!" (There are no fonts for the adorable voice he made when he said that but it made me crack up because it was too cute, just take my word for it xD)

So yeah basically after that we met back up with our friends, told them, enjoyed the rest of the evening, put it on Facebook when we got home, etc etc the rest is history!

If you're wondering what we were talking about so much before we reached an agreement...it was basically a verbal constitution for our relationship xD. We wanted to make sure we got any possible irritations out of the way early so we wouldn't stress ourselves out by being in a relationship (the original reason we avoided it). We worked out what things bother us in a relationship and the things that ruined us last time and how to avoid them, how a break-up would work if/when it occurs, and basically that nothing much is going to change except that it'll be more public now. And honestly it's working great so far, it's really a relief to have any potential stresses removed before we even started. And if all else fails, we agreed if it doesn't work out how we're hoping we'll go back to being friends without a big fuss. Because clearly we realize it's pretty hard to avoid being friends with each other, it'll end up happening one way or another :P. Our first day of school as a couple was really lovely (I almost forgot how nice it was to hold his hand :)) and I'm really genuinely happy with him :).

Oh, and random note: Fred told me on the day that Sal and I broke up in 2009 when I was crying on his shoulder and whining about how I wanted him back, "I don't think you two will be able to work again until you both date at least one other person."
I dated Ash, Sal dated Rayne, and now, BAM! Working great. Shoulda known that little rascal's always right ;).

So yeah, that's basically the story! Wish us luck this time!! :)

*: "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift (this song reminds me of him, if that wasn't obvious already)
**: "Rhythm of Love" by Plain White T's

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is loving senior year so far.

But then I still have over a month until college application deadlines start, so I can't be too sure just yet. Anyway. Today I was inspired to make a list.

THINGS ONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO BY THEIR SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL:

• Identify the quickest route to each of one's classes on the first day by simply looking at one's schedule.
• Identify the cleanest bathrooms and the coldest water fountains in the school. 
• Know which bathroom stalls lock and which ones haven't been fixed since your freshman year. (Any girls reading this right now know exactly what I'm talking about, although obviously I don't know about the guys' bathrooms)
• Successfully BS responses in class even when one hasn't done the homework.
• Forge a parent's signature. (Okay I know this is very wrong but let's be honest here, no one wants a 0/10 on the first homework assignment of the semester for forgetting to show your parents the list of class rules)
• Stay up until 1am or later doing homework but still be at least 80% compos mentis by 7:30am.
• Text without looking.
• Hackey-sack. (Because we all looked out our Comparative Cultures class in freshman year watching the super-cool seniors playing hackey-sack on the senior walk and couldn't wait to be them)
• Correctly use your and you're. (Yeah I'll go there)
• Multi-task (I currently have 9 open tabs in Chrome right now. Granted 5 of them are ear cuffs on Etsy that I want but I digress)
• Write an essay the night before it's due and still get a good grade. 
• Take off a hoodie while carrying a backpack without dropping the backpack (Extra points if you don't have to put down your coffee, either)
• Laugh at how stupid one was in middle school.
• Relax once in a while, because by now one has figured out that not everything is the end of the world, and sometimes things end up pretty damn okay. :)

*: "Good Riddance" by Green Day

**: "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift

Songs for the Sitch

LOTS OF SICKLY SWEET EMOTIONEY GIRLY SONGS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen whose going to have an awesome Senior Experience Project.

I just thought of this and I'm so freaking excited right now I can't even contain myself.

Okay. So. Originally I was just going to teacher assist my French teacher because I love teaching and I love French. I was then informed last spring it would be bundled into this new program called the "Senior Experience Project" with a bunch of other kids. Basically an SEP is a project that a senior can do about literally ANYTHING. Any interest, any topic, anything. You just have to write some reflections along the way and make a presentation at the end. Like, Sal is building a remote control car that you can control with your brain waves. Calvin's translating the entire Phantom of the Opera into Latin.

So as you can imagine, once i heard about these awesome things, I felt like I was missing out by just doing a study in teaching. Plus, it didn't incorporate cooking in any way which was a little disappointing. So I talked to Mrs. V and she basically said I can change it however I want to include whatever I want. Thus, brainstorming began. AND THIS IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH!

I'm going to learn French history and enrich my understanding of French culture through researching and making French cuisine. I'll cook different French dishes then research when they became popular, and why, and if they were a favorite of any historical figures (Like Marie and her cake), and thus get a deeper understanding of culture. Because let's face it; food has always been a pretty big deal when it comes to human life. Once I have some knowledge on the subject, I'll use it to teach lessons to French classes in the school. Like the French II's I'll be assisting for in the second semester do a unit on Quebec, so I can teach about some Quebecois food and bring in samples and such. I'm pretty sure Canada gets a whole lot more interesting when gravy and cheese-covered french fries are introduced.

Basically I'll get to cook, learn French and French culture, and then teach people about it. Essentially baking three cakes in one oven, then eating and having them too. Can't wait to tell Madame about it on Monday!!

*: "Destination Ailleurs" by Yannick Noah (favorite French singer :P)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen as she goes through her first day of Senior Year.

Basically, if was *that* girl who tweeted her thoughts every few minutes, your twitter feed would look something like this, starting from as soon as I woke up.

alajsdkjrelkajsdf alarmmakeloudnoise...oh, phone..new...messag--HOLY MOTHER OF JELLYBEANS THAT SCREEN IS BRIGHT!!1!one!


two days without power makes me appreciate my hot showers so much more <3. 


ew, makeup. 


OH MY GOD I SHOULD TOTALLY BEDAZZLE MY SENIOR SHIRT. #youcantstopmyshinin'


ow, walked into a doorframe #itsreallyearly


hmm, is freezing my ass off worth driving to my first day of senior year with the convertible down? ...i think yes!


now let me just pull into my parking spot...wait um...hold on...just a..if i just...FUCK THIS I'M BACKING IN #greenlightdrivingschool


YAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY ITS SAL!


oh hey little underclassmen, don't mind meeee, just walking in jingling my keys...you know, cuz i drive and such...#ivehadmylicensefortwomonthsthisisstillexcitingforme


HI ASH'S LITTLE SISTER!!!:D :D :D ...hey ash...


whoa my foot is kinda bloody OH HOT DAMN HOW THE HELL DID I GASH MY FOOT BEFORE 7:35 IN THE MORNING. #limpingacrosstheWalk


YAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY ITS JACK AND CALVIN!


god i'm so psyched to be a senator, we have such a great group of officers and it's gonna be an awesome year :D


ow, walked into a wall.. #notusedtothismanypeople 


reading on the walk is the bomb diggidy. 


WOOOOO STUDY HALL WITH SAL AND JACK!!!!!!!!!! #lifeisgood


jack is actually offering to participate AND act in One Acts this year?!?! #WOOOOOOOOOO #DAYISMADE #HAPPYDANCE #TOOMUCHJOYFORONEHASHTAG


goodness gracious i missed ms sarlo <333 #terrifictuesday


dammit, another fricking doorframe!! #lostmydepthperception?!


tech theater?! with austin, aaron, the frosh with the big hair, and Ash's little sister?! #bestsecondchoiceever!


ohgodchorneysgonnaeatusalive.


woo i have lunch with sal!! ...and none of our other friends...#onlyslightlyawk


hmm, maybe chorney's not actually that bad. #chorntobewiiiiild #calichornication #chorndog


ap psyche+jack+fred=definitely going to be my favorite class in all of my high school career


there is like, a zero tolerance bullshit, shenanigans, and arrogance policy in this room. #mrroodismyhero


oh how i missed miss swan <3 #latinclubisgonnabegreat


dontlethimseemedontlethimseemedontlethimseeme...oh, heyyyyy...i actually gotta gooo...


GODDAMMIT! #doorframe..


aww hes so cute bein' all captain-y :) #definitelynotgrinninglikeanidiot


#wowihavelonghashtags,sorry


okay i need a new CD for my car with less embarassing songs..#blaringtswiftonroute10


creamsicle coolattas are the best way to celebrate :D


..."i should attend my study halls so that i can use them to study"??? WOMAN YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO SIGN MY SENIOR PRIVILEGE FORM BEFORE THIS GETS NASTY.


hmm i should probably finish jane eyre now...#orminecraft #probablyminecraft #minecraftminecraftminecraft


OH MY GOD LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN.


#seniornaptime


"what time is it?" "like an hour until pretty little liars" "what?" "...seven, mom."


i'm gonna go blog!


and there we have it :D. i'm really looking forward to this year. so a warm welcome to all the freshmen (thank you for not getting in my way), a warm welcome back to the juniors and sophomores (except for the ones i hate, including the smart-ass who wrote "Class of 2014. U mad??" on the senior walk) and a BIG FREAKING HIGH FIVE TO MY FELLOW SENIORS :D.

Let's do this.

*: "Raise Your Glass" by P!nk

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who appears to be living in some alternate universe.

Compared to how things were even a year ago, at least.

I maintain that people don't change. Not dramatically, anyway, and never quickly. But damn do things change.

Operating systems you know and love crash your laptop. But Ubuntu is pretty cool too.

People you love and want to spend every waking moment with become hurtful, toxic, and downright irritating. And you end up drifting more than you ever thought you would or wanted to.

The last female friend you thought you really liked flirts with your ex-boyfriend and blames you for the end of your friendship. I haven't talked to Cissa in a while. Except for that time I went to her brother's going away party and I got dirty looks from her all evening. Fun stuff, fun stuff.

The person you thought was insensitive and stubborn and infuriating becomes the kind, understanding best friend you can be 100% comfortable with and never want to live without. This summer with Sal was amazing. We aren't together. But it was fantastic, I'll leave it at that.

The happy, friendly, confident girl who promotes love and long-term relationships develops an obsession with her weight, becomes very guarded, and runs the other way from unfamiliar guys. Yeah that's still an issue :\. Again though; I'm so lucky to have a guy like Sal to talk with through all that. I'm getting by okay.

The person you thought could potentially be the one who changes everything, the one who's really different and interesting...leaves, doesn't return your calls, and doesn't even thank you for the cookies you sent for a dorm-warming present. Then he becomes vegan. *facepalm*


The life plan you've had for the past 4 years suddenly has a catalyst. Maybe I really do want to pursue baking and pastry for a career.

The region that's known for having literally nothing happen suddenly gets hit by an earthquake and hurricane in the same week. I mean really what the hell xD.

So yeah, just a reflection comparing last summer to this summer. It's eerily different. Anyway. Gonna go do more AP reading (thanks again to Irene for the extra day :D). Everyone stay safe during the storm!

*: "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift
**: "Good Riddance" by Green Day (well, maybe in another 10 months or so..)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALI!!!!!

I hope you have a fantastic day. Stay awesome :D.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who would like to share a personal story with you.

It’s a chilly January night in 1999. The building of their house has been prolonged for weeks and they’re still living in the two-bed single room of a nearby Travelodge, waiting for it to be completed. Each day, the small 4-year-old girl would amuse herself by playing with her plush Pokemon toys and learning to write her name in cursive with crayon. Her parents would microwave her dinner, a treat of Kid Cuisine, and she’d eat well and behave. They watched TV often to amuse themselves and pass the time as the weeks dragged on and still their new house went unfinished.

Then, one night, the small girl’s mother brought home a new book for her. The small girl loved to read, as she had been doing so since 18 months of age. Her mother, however, made it clear that this book would be one the small girl would have to listen to her mother read, because it seemed thicker than her usual books and had more complicated words. Her mother reminded her that it was always okay to stop and ask, “what does that word mean?” and the small girl held no reserves in doing so. As they made themselves comfortable on the starchy bed of this makeshift household, the small girl’s mother cautioned her: “Now, this book is about a magical boy,” and the girl smiled, as she loved stories of magic and fairies, witches and wizards, “but it’s a book for kids that are a little older than you, so there might be scary parts. If it gets too scary or you don’t like the book, just tell me and we can stop and read something else. Okay?” The small girl nodded in her agreement and watched as her mother opened to the first crisp page. “Ready?” she asked, and began to read.

“Chapter one, The Boy Who Lived. Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much…”

And the small girl never said “stop”. 

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's been attending way too many grad parties.

"I can't wait to leave!" "When's your move-in date?" "My roommate is so cool!" "It's like 4 hours away from here." "I've already bought so much stuff for my dorm!" "I just picked out my classes, they all sound so fun." "None of my classes start before noon!" "I'm so excited to go, I love the school."

WHY
CAN'T
THAT
BE
ME
?!?!?!?!??!?!?!


One more year. One more year. I can make it.
Maybe.

♪: "Save Me" by Shinedown

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is not a slut.

But I am a fool. Because that's the best thing a little girl can be in this world; a beautiful little fool.

Just saying.

Songs for the Sitch

"Dirty Little Secret" by All American Rejects

Let me know that I've done wrong,
when I've known this all along.
I go around a time or two,
just to waste my time with you.

Tell me all that you've thrown away!
Find out games you don'tw anna play.
You are the only one that needs to know...

I'll keep you my dirty little secret.
Don't tell anyone, or you'll be just another regret.
My dirty little secret...

Who has to know?
When we live such fragile lives, it's the best way we survive.
I go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you.

(But then...time enjoyed wasting is not wasted. So. No waste of time here.)


(Today was a good day.)

♪: "Stay the Night" by James Blunt

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who aasdlkjadfalksdfalkj.

Most of my night at Relay was pretty shitty. I spent a lot of it alone, only partly by choice. I was really lonely and Sal seemed to be really frustrated or sad at me and then it was raining and everyone was sitting on someone else's lap all snuggled away from the rain and I was sitting there like...heyguysdontmindme. Ash was off pursuing some new victim (at least she's in our grade this time and is actually a nice girl) and everyone was just kinda scattered. Then we lost the volleyball tournament in the finals FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW at a score of 13-12 because of the stupid time limit and no win-by-two rule. Bleh.

But then. This morning. Was like.

Alkjadflkjlasdfhjarejhwdafkjhsdlkjvhalukausydfakwehfakljdncalksjdalksdjhfakldjbvlakdjhfaljhedlakwjeralwieuriaudglaufgasdgadsfjahsdlkhalkejbwergewbasdhfaksufdyivrewakfhakjdhfaiuyfaweuyraroivaoifdugaosieraoewoafidulfakdfjalseelaklksebriesalaiuweliejlsjalsjelisaeingiawleirouwqleehevioaudvahjvalkdfakjsdhfacaaliuealskdjf :):):):):):):):):):).
I have not the slightest idea how I feel (mainly because right now all I feel is exhaustion) and I have not the slightest idea where this could go but like...a;lsdkfja;sldkj. Wow. Just like...wow. In a good way :).

I should go take a nap, do some reading, and then I'll figure all of this out. Tata :).

♪: "Falling for the First Time" by The Barenaked Ladies

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's playing a seemingly endless game of tag.

[Just a quick reflection.]


I really like that his voicemail message is the same one that he's had since 8th grade.

I think I used to make fun of how he sounded in it. He does sound a little silly, especially considering his voice was a few tones higher then than it is now :P. But I really love it. I love that if his phone is off and I'm disappointed I can't talk to him (and it frequently is off...idk how he does it, my phone is never off unless I'm rebooting it for some reason :P) I still hear that voicemail. Because it's the same comforting voice that I've heard for 4 years, still there. And unlike many other people in my life, that voice doesn't bring back scary thoughts or haunting memories. It brings back memories of DC, and parties at Fred's house, and of course Prom. Even if there were times inbetween when he's hurt me, or irritated me, or frustrated me, it's never been anything bad enough that I couldn't bounce back from, and he's always still been there for me regardless. More importantly, I've always still wanted him to be there for me. Even when I say I don't.
And that one little "please leave a message after the beep!" reminds me of all of that and is just enough to give me a little smile and keep me going through the night.

It's a small pointless detail, but sometimes that's all we have to hold on to. So yeah. Stay my friend for always, please. :).

♪: "Stay the Night" by James Blunt

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen in the Form of a Second Occasional Paper

I'm really sorry for not posting. But you know I try and steer away from depressing and/or personal posts and there really hasn't been much going on that wasn't either or both. However, I did just finish my Occasional Paper for semester 4 so I'm going to share it with you guys again :). I'm not sharing it until tomorrow so any comments or critiques until then would be greatly appreciated!!

Occasional Paper 2
Preheat to 350

People often ask me why I bake so much.

I just…I love each ingredient, and how it waits patiently on the shelf. There’s the flour, the blank page. With it, you can add sugar, eggs, butter, baking powder…anything your heart desires, really. Each ingredient has its niches and roles to be filled (pun intended). Each holds its breath, waiting for its chance to be part of something incredible. And I, with my bowl in one hand and mixer in the other, have the power to bring that potential to life.

I become the conductor. I can make them into anything I want them to be. For example, the simple white of an egg. If I whisk egg whites for one amount of time, they will be soft and marshmallow-y, a bite of a cloud that you squish against the roof of your mouth. But, if I whisk them for longer, they can become hard and crackly when baked, but dissolve into thin air upon contact with your tongue. If I mix them with sugar and water, I can make an icing that’s runny enough to write a name, but will dry solid enough to support the eaves of a gingerbread house. If I pour boiled sugar and butter into them, I can make a frosting that’s fluffier than air and more delicious than any other butter cream you can imagine. If I mix in Tylose, I can make a paste that I can mold like taffy into life-like flowers whose dainty opaque petals you’d have to touch to be sure they weren’t real.

Is that not incredible?

The possibilities are endless, and the ingredients are anxious to begin. Anxious to mingle. Then to dance. To jive, or to waltz. But then to bicker, and fight, and brawl, and wage war. To sing to one another, and harmonize…or create a cacophony that will curdle your sanity. To rhyme in time, or step off the beaten path and         skip. Some melt into each others arms and become one, and bind in a resolution of differences.  Some need to be pummeled and scorched before they can make peace. Some will float, becoming so fluffy and light they could be skimmed from a cloud as the foam is off a latte. Some will become so stubborn and obstinate they need to be forged with immense effort. They all wait to see which fate will become of them. They wait to rise, to simmer, to thicken. To brown, to bake, to sear. They wait to become a part of something more. Don’t we all?

Then there are the endless possibilities of decoration. As Lindsey sees the blinking cursor and Kiki sees an empty canvas, I see a freshly baked cupcake. Will this one have a filling, or icing, or frosting? Or do I dare attempt fondant? Sweet, rosey, and pliable, this playdough of the pastry world drapes across a frosted cake like a silk tablecloth with a surface as flawless as a blanket of new-fallen snow. And from there, what? Stripes? Dots? Plaid? Flowers? Swirls? Rose swirls? A tiny mushroom fairy house, perhaps! Or simply whipped cream and fresh fruit? There’s really no wrong answer.

It’s incredible, to just let the creative possibilities run wild. I can take all the stress from the week and let it flow out of my mind and my heart through the 4B Star Tip onto the comforting cushion of a cupcake. I arrange the sprinkles until it’s perfect. It’s a sensational feeling, to create something beautiful and perfect, even when I feel far from it myself. Then I’ll arrange it, wrap it, and give it to someone that I think could use some love.

And then they smile. A blissfully naïve smile. They don’t know that what that smile is tasting behind those teeth could have been any of an infinite number of possibilities and combinations, and yet that one single cupcake was chosen and beaten and poured and baked and cooled and frosted and sprinkled just for them at that very moment for that very smile.

They don’t know it, but I do.

That’s why I bake.

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who finally gets to give an acceptance speech.

[If this is sparse it's because it's late and I"m exhausted. Will elaborate more tomorrow night.]

Dearest Darlingest Classmates,

I'd like to thank firstly everyone who voted for me. Quite literally I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks especially to those who said, "I voted for you!!" because it put me in a really good mood all day to feel like i had so much support.

I'd like to thank Mr. Goffin who inspired me to never give up from the start, because of that story he told me of the girl who kept losing until her senior year when she finally won a class election.

I'd like to thank Sal, who since 8th grade has had my back in these elections, and is a fantastic friend in general.

I'd like to thank Devon. Goodness knows what I'd have done without Devon. He was always there encouraging me before I ran, hugging me when I lost, making snide comments about those who won to make me laugh, and keeping me going. I'm so happy I could make him proud.

I'd like to thank Ash, for getting me especially through the loss last year, and encouraging me and celebrating with me this year.

I'd like to thank anyone who smiled and said, "Congrats!!" to me at dismissal today, and/or the 30+ people that liked my status thanking everyone. I've never felt so loved or accepted by my class...ever. But it feels amazing to feel like I really have support.

As for anyone who didn't vote for me (like most likely Cissa and Holli): Shoutout to my haters, sorry you couldn't faze me!

Thank you. Thank you so very very very much. You can't imagine how much it means to me, really. Thanks.

Love and Cupcakes,
Your Newly-Elected Senate Representative :)
The Geek in the Pink.

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's home doing math homework on a Friday night...again.

Because I actually haven't had actual plans since Junior Prom. It was awkward to explain this to my mom.

Mom: So if you have some free time this weekend, you could go to the movies with some friends!
Me: More like if i had friends, I could go to the movies with some friends.
Mom: Did all your friends just like, leave?
Me: I guess. Most of them sucked.
Mom: Oh.
Me: Yeah. Um. Good-night.

Although it's not as hugely pathetic as I make it out to be...honestly, I don't know what I'd do if I did have plans. I'm like, not used to hanging out with people, it'd probably be really awkward :P. I'm content just chilling here working out and doing math, my abs and GPA could use the help.

And a realization. Although I feel horribly terrible about this, I've determined that there is a definitive bubble of comfort around me. Where if a friend stays outside the radius, everything's hunky-dory. Even on the radius is cutting it close but I can deal. But, if they start to try and help me, or tell me what to do, or become too involved or focused on my life, I freak. I absolutely freak. I just can not even deal with it, I just shut down and don't want to talk to or be around them in case they try to come any closer. So then I do everything I can to push them far back out of my bubble until I feel comfortable again. And I know it's so not even fair but like...there's nothing else I can do. I do NOT want a hero, I do NOT want dependency, I do NOT want one of those "You broke past my walls and proved you cared so now I love you" stories, that's disgusting. I want to be left alone.

Although, in the words of the lovely Audrey Hepburn, "I want to be left alone, I don't want to be alone."

I perplex myself. Anyway. Back to math homework. I hope you're all having a lovely weekend, and I hope anyone attending Senior Prom has a fantastic night!! I can't wait to see pictures!!

And any juniors: Vote for me for Class of 2012 Senate! :)

Tata <3.

♪: "Burned" by Hilary Duff
♪♪: "Haunted" by Taylor Swift

Just because I love you guys.

If you're reading this on Sunday, May 8th, I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU!

Inbox me on Facebook or text me the password "Omnomnom" by tomorrow at 6:30am (cuz that's when I leave for school) and I'll be sure to save you one of the cake pops that i made this weekend and will be bringing in tomorrow morning. (Members of my AP Lit class excluded because I'm bringing some to the review session tomorrow night).

If you don't get to inbox or text me you can obviously still have one, but it's on a first-come-first-serve basis. This is the only way you can reserve them :).

Love,
The Geek in the Pink

♪: "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who loves new baby spring leaves.

Something I took on a walk this afternoon in my woods with my favorite silver leaf ring. Today was a fairly nice day. Sal is still being a darling, I told Ash to never speak to me again because he doesn't deserve a friend like me, and Devon keeps telling me about this new girl he's crushing on, it's adorable :). Only thing that was a little disappointing was that Stephen (codename for this guy I may or may not find very very attractive) wasn't at school today :P. 

SAT'S TOMORROW WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :'( :'( :'(. 

And I'm gonna write my next occasional paper sometime soon so once that's done I'll post it up here too! :D

So good luck on the SAT's tomorrow if you're taking them and have a lovely weekend otherwise :).

♪: "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City
♪♪: "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift
♪♪♪: "You Got Nothin' On Me" by Demi Lovato

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who had an unforgettable time at prom!

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!

SAL CAN DANCE! :D


Prom was just a great day. I got my hair done beautifully (in a style similar to the link I posted, but i think it looked better than that picture), and my makeup came out just right (and I did it myself :P). Sal looked great too, he cleans up very nicely :D. The corsage he picked out was perfect, and I pinned his boutoniere on the first try! The pictures came out absolutely beautifully. I had a great time taking them at Chico's too, lots of people were there, the food was great, and his parents are some of the nicest, most genuine, most hospitable people I've ever met. I got a zillion compliments on my dress from both the kids and the parents, my favorite was when they told me it was the absolute perfect dress for me :). I really thought so too, and even if it wasn't the same long style as most other people's, I think it was just right for me. So that was nice.
Prom itself was great. The venue was very pretty, the food was yummy, and everyone was in such great spirits. The music was iffy, too much bad club music for my taste. BUT! Mr. B (who runs the ballroom dance club) was there, and he suggested that some of the songs had cha-cha beats. I went out on a limb and asked Sal if he remembered how to cha-cha from when I taught him back in like, freshman year. After a little review, he totally did! And we cha-cha'd to a bunch of modern hip-hop :D. And he wasn't half bad!! Then when the slow song came on, I asked if he remembered how to waltz too, and he did!!! So while everyone else swayed side to side, we had our own little section of the floor to walz and spin and dance and he didn't miss a single step and it was just perfect. That's one of those picture-perfect moments I'll definitely never forget.
I also wanna comment on something I was talking to Sal about because they'll probably read this and i hope it makes them smile. My friend Hope and her boyfriend (I've used his real name before but we'll give him a code one and call him Leo) were dancing together and whatnot last night and every time I looked over at them, I couldn't help but smile because just the way that Leo looks at Hope is just so incredibly sweet. Like you can tell at a single glance how much he cares about her and it just makes me so happy. I'm really happy for them and I hope they continue to look at each other that way for a long time :).
I also did dance with Ash a few times briefly, it was nice. He said I looked gorgeous and he looked quite dapper himself :). Definitely too good to be dancing with her. So be it, though. Karma works ;).

Afterwards, my dad picked up Sal and I and we just went back to his house. We watched "The Other Guys", some other shows they had DVR'd, and had a really really nice long talk about stuff. I could go on and on about what a sweet and caring friend he is and how grateful I am that I have him, but I've posted about that before so I won't bother :P. It was just a really perfect evening. And then when I woke up we had pancakes, waffles, strawberries, and bacon. Like a legit full-on family breakfast, it was awesome :D. And now I'm just sitting at home, chilling out. I'm thinking of going outside to read in a little while, it's a beautiful day.

Life right now is actually pretty darn good :).

♪: "Down" by Jay Sean
♪♪: All the other stuff on Sal's CD that I need to download :)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen WHO'S REALLY FREAKIN EXCITED!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LESS THAN 12 HOURS UNTIL JUNIOR PROM!!!

-Sal has been such a good friend the past week and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with him!
-Getting my hair done! :D. Maybe like this?
-Uncannily conveniently, Sal told me he lives 2 houses down from a cute guy I may be a tad interested in. Instead of pictures I may just happen to take a stroll around the neighborhood in my pretty dress ;).
-Pictures at Chico's!! I'm psyched, he has a beautiful house and a bunch of my friends are going.
-PROMPROMPROMPROM!!!
-Afterwards, I'm not going to some crazy party to get drunk, Sal and I are just gonna spend a chill night watching movies at his house :). Yes, seriously, just watching movies, not "watching movies" :P.

AND UNTIL THEN I'M LISTENING TO PSYCHE UP HAPPY SONGS! WOOOOOO! :D

♪: "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train
♪♪: "Raise Your Glass" by Pink
♪♪♪: "Waka Waka" by Shakira (Shoutout to Naomi :D)
♪♪♪♪: "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga

Songs for the Sitch

"December" by Collective Soul
"One Last Breath" by Creed
"Roll To Me" by Del Amitri
"My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson

Thanks, dude.

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who wants to be a good friend!

You all have that friend.

The one who is happy to tell you allllllll about their problems, their issues, their joys, their stories...then thank you for listening and leave.

What the actual fuck, people.

I made friends with this girl recently and she's great. At first I thought it was awesome that she confided so much stuff to me in such a short space of time...until I realized that's all she did. I think maybe once or twice in the past month she asked how things with me were going. She'll literally IM me like, 'I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU!', tell me all about what happened, I'll comment and whatnot, and then it'll go to an awkward silence with me resorting to making conversation by asking more questions about her rather than her asking me, "and how was your day?" Sure, I have stories too, but I don't want to just be that guy who's like, 'WELL, that's great, but guess what happened to ME...' That's just rude. It just sucks that so much has been going on lately that I could have used a good friend for and would have been relieved to talk to her about...but she never asked, and I'd feel whiny for volunteering it. At one point she had been going on this whole long poor-me scenerio about this guy she likes (who's obviously flirting with her back but she denies it) but instead of trying to "be there" and placate her yet again I just stopped her like, "Look, there's a whole bunch of really bad shit going on at home right now and I just heard the garage door opening which is a really bad sign so I need to go." And signed off. (That actually wasn't a lie, either.) But anyway I thought maybe she'd get the message then that other people have problems besides her that maybe she could try to be more sensitive to. But nevertheless the next day she texted me because she was "miserable" because she has little scars on her face. That I've never even noticed. But she was having a panic attack about for being "gross" when she's one of the prettiest people I've ever known. I didn't even know what to say at that point. I mean she's a sweetheart and everything but just like...look around sometimes. There's more to this than you.
So I retreated back inside my shell and have all but given up on getting into any sort of deeper friendship with her. She's almost as bad as Cissa. Ash was friends with  her too, he warned me about this, but I didn't pay attention. Whatever.

Whereas, there are friends like Sal, who make an effort to actually ask me how my day was, or if I had fun at the college fair with him and my other friends, or even Ash does that as well. It's such a nice change. I always make an effort to ask them in return because I know how nice it is to be on the receiving end of it. It's a simple question but it might just give someone a chance to really get something off their chest.

So, my darling readers, I'm asking you: How was your day? Genuinely, I want to know :). Leave a comment, anonymously or not, and I promise I'll read it and reply!

Have a nice night :).

P.S. To anyone else that's been doing college visits as well, talk to me after vacation so we can compare notes! I was at Northeastern this morning, I loooooved it :D. I know a friend of mine who got accepted there (And I think he might be going? Not 100% sure on that) so I'm gonna ask him if he thinks I'd have a shot at getting in :).

♪: "Hello, I Love You" by the Doors
♪♪: "One Last Breath" by Creed

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who would miss you if you were gone.

I've successfully pushed away most of my friends because I simply can't express feelings anymore. I have no patience for people that I can't trust and I've shut out anyone that I feel like is laughing at me behind my back (like Cissa) or they're insensitive (like Keith or Jack) or anything like that. I'm just so done so I just don't want to deal with people anymore so i removed them from my life. 

Sal, however, is a stubborn little bugger as usual. And I kinda love him for it. 

We were talking last night. Just about stuff in general. First he tried prying a little but just like with everyone else I changed the subject to get them to talk about themselves which 99% of the time anyone will be happy to babble about for ages and forget you have feelings too so it works out lovely. So we had a lovely conversation about things in our lives but he wouldn't let it go that something was bothering me. I was in a fairly good and rational mood by then after talking to him and as hard as it was i decided to, against my better judgement, actually tell him what's been going on the past week or so. Why? I guess because I know Sal is the sole person I know that wouldn't lie to me. Sure sometimes that's harsh but I will always appreciate that. Everyone else has some sort of ulterior motive, some plan of manipulation, some personal goal, that drives them to lie and deceive and betray. But Sal...he just seems to not care about that, so he doesn't need to lie, so he doesn't. And that's really great, I think. 

After I told him everything and i asked what he thought he said that I "scared" him. Sal doesn't scare easy, let me just put that out there now. He isn't big on expressing emotions at all. But he said I really scared him. He said that he's glad I got through that night and I'm slightly better now because he'd really miss me. 

He'd miss me, you guys. 

I actually wanted to burst into tears and run to his house and give him a hug. Because I don't think you can really understand how much those words can mean...I didn't even realize how much I needed to hear that until someone said it to me. Because I always felt like Ash could easily replace me, Cissa could care less, Fred is always busy, Devon doesn't really understand it at all anyway. So to hear I'd actually be missed by someone? That was just like, wow. (And don't take this as it means I have feelings for him, i don't, it's just really nice to have a good friend like that. I'd rather have a kind prom date like Sal than a skanky bimbo. Just saying ;).)

So my advice to you today is as follows. If you care about someone and you think they may be going through a rough time, or even if they aren't, just tell them you appreciate them, and that you'd really miss them if for whatever reason they weren't around. Even tell your parents, you never know if they've been having a rough week too, tell them that it's important they stick around. They may just look at you funny like 'duh', or you may give them a reason to keep pushing through every day. Never ever underestimate the power of a few genuine words.

And never, ever, ever make jokes about suicide. Especially on the Day of Silence. Goodness, people like that are the reason we need a Day of Silence. Ugh xP. 

So yeah. Sorry for the lack of posts. I kept writing ones but I could never finish because I honestly find it so hard to share my feelings anymore. Stuff has been weird lately. :\. Anyway hope you're having a nice Spring Break :). 

♪: "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne

♪♪: "A Better Place, A Better Time" by Streetlight Manifesto