The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is has come to terms with her weirdness.

I got asked an interesting question on Formspring today and I wanted to address something. 


PEOPLE. ARE. WEIRD. If you AREN'T weird, then you're weird. Or at least boring. 


The question was simply, 'do you realize how weird you are?'. And just reading it my stomach still dropped hearing that word. Because I HATE that word. All through elementary school and all through middle school, i was the "weird" one. That one kid that was kind of different so she was the scapegoat when the rest of you wanted to feel like you belonged by making fun of someone. You know exactly what I mean. 
See, the problem was always that, I quote, i was "too smart" or "too perky" or "too talkative" and when i did talk, i talked "too fast, too much, and too loud". I was "annoyingly happy" and an "overachiever". I wasn't even the smartest kid in the class. But I made the mistake of signing up to be a tutor during our study hall and they hated me for having to let me teach them. This was 7th grade for the most part, mind you. 
So i tried to fit in. I bought prettier shoes, more normal clothes...nothing worked. I had some friends, I wasn't a complete loser, but even they couldn't protect me from well, the rest of the grade, basically. I continued to go through the school as the weird one. I just refused to stop wearing my hand-made earrings or doing my nails fancy every week. I remember distinctly walking down the hallway one day, thinking, 'but i AM smart and i'm sort of pretty and i'm nice...someone else has got to see that someday too, right?'


Well. I WAS right. 


This is where i'm going to elaborate more on Devon and I's relationship. I've mentioned him before-he's my absolute best friend in the world. We started chatting on AIM in the beginning of winter, 8th grade, and got to be pretty close. We opened up to each other, really showed each other who we truly were...and we still accepted each other. He didn't mind that I was an 'overachiever' or 'weird' or 'perky'...he was too. And once I had that, I had that one home base i could always come back to, and know I was never really alone...then I wasn't afraid anymore. I had gone from wanting to jump off a bridge to being able to jump off a bridge because I suddenly had found a bungee cord. He was the first who helped me not be afraid to be who I was, and I'll never be able to thank him enough for that. Eventually like most middle school friendships we started going out for a while (we were each other's first loves :)) and eventually it fell apart and stuff was bad, but soon enough we realized how much we needed each other, and to this day we're biffles. 
Once I had that base though, that I knew I could be loved for what I was, I found a new friend, the one and only Sal. We started going out, and as I've mentioned before, I made friends with the *nerds*, his friends. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made, honestly. Because with them, I could be as smart as I wanted and they'd still have to help me with math homework, I could be as talkative as I wanted because they were shy and preferred to listen, and I could be as weird as I wanted, because they were all just as weird and outcasted as I was. I found a place where I could really be myself, and I didn't care if I was getting looks from the Poptarts (have I mentioned that before? it's my word for popular people who dress like tarts) because I had friends who accepted me. And I'd rather be accepted by friends for being myself than having to change myself to be accepted by jerks. I still hang out with that group and it's still better than fitting in.
That's not to say they're perfect. They thought my bellybutton piercing was weird...Ash doesn't. So it may take some fiddling around with friend groups, but eventually everyone finds someone who will love every inch of their weirdness and match it perfectly. I couldn't be luckier to have Ash and Devon :). 


So there you go. Weirdness is only a matter of perspective, and it's up to you to decide whose perspectives matter. 


"We're all a little weird, and when we find those people whose weirdness is compatible with our own, we join up with them and fall into a mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love." -Boy Meets World. 


♪: "I Can Do Better" by Avril Lavigne
♪♪: "Pretend" by Scott Porter
♪♪♪: "A Moment of Silence" by Streetlight Manifesto

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who happens to love love.

Today wasn't really that great. Lots of quizzes (no one informed the teachers it was the second day back from break) and Ash has an upset tummy :(. Stuff still happened though.

I was in the bathroom today washing my hands (I did this like, 5 times today because I'm so paranoid about not getting the stomach bug too xD) and I noticed that carved on the ledge above the sink was "I hate love" in a heart. And it just stunned me for a second.

How could anyone possibly hate love?

I mean, it hurts a lot, and it's rarely fair, but that's no reason to hate it. Humans need love! It's a basic human necessity; food, water, shelter, love. Think about where you'd be if you hadn't been loved at some point in your life, especially by your parents. It just appaled me that anyone could mean that. I mean even when Sal broke up with me and I was depressed, I never blamed it on love. I could never. Love had given me so much happiness, it was lack of love that screwed me up. I didn't hate love, I wanted it. So i think that's just what the person truly feels, whoever carved it, however long ago. They wanted and needed love but didn't have it, I guess. And that's a shame, that they would give up because of that. No one should ever truly give up on love. Aphrodite's a crazy gal but she knows what she's doing. I never gave up on love, even when i had just about lost all hope, and I ended up with Ash, a guy who loves me more than i knew I could even BE loved. It's magical, honestly. Love is absolutely amazing if its given a chance. So if anyone reading this is thinking about giving up on love because of a break up or any other reason...just don't. You'll get proven wrong anyway, so you might as well enjoy the fact that you have hope. Love love, and it'll love you back :).

P.S. I changed the feedback buttons on the bottom to emoticons in case anyone actually used them and was interested. I do enjoy your thoughts, by the way, so I know what to do more/less of :).

♪: "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles
♫: "Love Makes The World Go Round" by the Powerpuff Girls, that episode with the clown turned creepy mime. Oh you know exactly what i'm talking about don't even pretend. ;)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is coping.

That's all any of us can really do, isn't it? There's just a lot going on right now that I'm currently learning to cope with. I'll write it all out and see if that helps.

Situation: Ash
Not so much Ash, as Ash's mother. She's kind of crazy. I mean, she's always been nice to me, but for some twisted reason, she absolutely adores tormenting Ash. She tells him frequently that she wishes he wasn't her son, that he's a failure, that she hates him. She kicks him out sometimes so he stays at a hotel with his dad. And somehow, he deals with it without losing his mind all together. But I'm not quite as good at it. Last Friday, she flipped on him for no reason because he asked what time his friends could come over after she agreed they'd talk about it when she got home from work. Basically it ended as him being grounded for 2 months, so I haven't seen him since Valentine's Day, when she only let him come over for a few hours while she went grocery shopping. (Better than nothing though, at least). It's been horribly boring and horribly painful. I miss him so, so much. And I just don't know exactly how I'm supposed to deal with this. She'll say he can make plans, then change her mind at the last moment because she finds it funny. Which is kind of inconvenient when my mom and I are on our way to his house. She also likes yelling at him a lot. Even when I'm in the room. Yeeeahhh...But I'm not going to break up with him. If i ever do it won't be because of this. I just don't know how to, [word of the day!] *cope*. He can't run away then stay at my house for a while...that's illegal or something according to my mom xP. I just don't know what I can do to help. I hate seeing him treated like this. And dammit I'm pissed that she ruined my winter break! It just kills me to see Tawny's statuses always like, 'with Jim <3' and i'm sitting there alone. I miss him like crazy and I absolutely despise this situation.
How I Cope:
I cry a lot. That helps me get it out, at least. And I wear his hoodie around the house. Thank goodness for Skype so I can at least see his face, and we IM and talk on the phone. I still miss his hugs, though. :(

Situation: Rayne and Sal
I wish I could say I was over it. I'm not. I went to a party last night (Dana's 17th birthday!) and they were both there. It's not so much that they're all over each other and I can't take it. They're actually a really awkward couple to watch xD. Devon and I have a really funny metaphor for it but I won't say it here in case either of them read this ;). It's the fact that I really, really miss Sal's mom. She. Is. AWESOME. She's the kind of mom who would make cookies for us and include me in family game nights, she even had me over for Christmas Eve dinner. Hell, I liked her more than my own mom! And so seeing them together, I know what it's like to be in her shoes and have that kind of second mom who's always kind and polite and treats you like family...and I miss that. When I'm dealing with all this stress from Ash's mom, I really miss that. THAT IS NOT TO SAY I MISS SAL. At all. I actually see him doing the same bad-boyfriendy things to Rayne that he did to me, trying to make her not swear, etc, and I laugh because Ash is so much better than that. I just miss the convenience of the relationship, how it all worked out really well. Can't have it both ways, I guess. I'd still rather have the better boyfriend even if he does come with a crazy mom. And stuff is still awkwardish with Rayne. It doesn't really matter because she hangs out more with her friends from Archery anyway, but even still. I just feel like a total outer on the group now, by my own design, so I don't mind, I just don't like it either. I'm okay with Sal at least, it's actually easier for us to hang out as friends. I don't really know how to explain that, but it's the case. Either way, It still pains me to see them together.
How I Cope:
How CAN I cope with that kind of jealousy? I can't change Ash's mom. At least I know that I got the better deal boyfriend-wise. I can't bring myself to be besties with Rayne. So I just have to suck it up, really.

Situation: Formspring.me
I actually really enjoy this website. People ask me legit advice questions or tell me I'm nice, it's quite lovely. But at the same time, there are still jackasses. I don't even bother answering their questions anymore, I just delete them. They still pop up on my friends' pages too, though, so i gotta keep an eye out so I can troll them right back. My mom has a habit of pulling the plug on my wifi router randomly though so I feel bad if I can't get to it until the next day xP. And it just bothers me that everyone can't be nice.
How I Cope:
Delete the bad questions and stick up for my friends as best I can. It's not too hard.

Okay, writing everything out plainly did help. I don't think it counts as an Axiomatic Musing so much as a journal, but still. I still go by the premise that if someone else has a similar situation, at least you know you aren't alone. Also I'd like to welcome any new readers that I gained since posting the URL on formspring :).

♪: "Check Yes Juliet" by We The Kings
♫: "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World
♪♫: "If and When We Rise Again" by Streetlight Manifesto
♫♫: "Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City (I'm trying to learn this on piano. It's freakin hard! I mean were 5 sharps REALLY necessary? xP)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen with backup.

Oh the joys of formspring.me.

I really enjoy it, actually. I like the idea of being able to ask someone anything you want anonymously. It's one of the amazing things about the internet. When used correctly, it's a really nice service.

But, there are always the jackasses.

Ah yes, the jackasses. Seem to pop up everywhere. Except this time, you can't even smack them because you don't know who they are. Lovely. This is where some people may decide to start a drama, or have their ego smashed, or report it to the authorities. I got trolled yesterday and considered all of these. But, it turns out it was not necessary :).
The mystery person wrote (basically) that it was gross to see me and Ash kissing in the halls, it makes them want to puke, and that the person who previously asked me how i look so cute everyday (a friend of mine from lit class :)) was blind. So I replied back wittily. They asked again that it was disgusting and they don't want to see a 'dyke and a little boy' kiss. I replied back again then blocked them maturely. I was still a little shaken though, i mean no one wants to be talked to that way. BUT!

I then recieved 6 other questions from my friends and Ash all with the theme that mystery person was 'pathetic, blind' and, 'fuck them, you guys are adorable, none of what they said is true' etc, etc.

I love nice people :).

See, these people aren't even my best friends. It was one of my buddies from a theater thing I do every summer, a friend from the musical I'm in now, and a friend of Ash's. And yet they can all have my back when I'm being bothered by a jerk. I love that. I appreciate that. I think everyone should be like that. When you see someone dealing with an idiot online, help them out. Cuz you know what? That person isn't going to bother me anymore. It's easier picking on a single person than a group that'll fight back, as much so online as it was on the playground in elementary school. Just seeing I have that support made me smile. Everyone needs a back up sometimes, and being that to someone might just make their day. So don't be shy! In a world wide web of trolls, us nice people gotta stick together :).

And for the record; ask away :).

♪: "Because I'm Awesome" by the Dollyrots

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen with a valentine.

I love him. I truly, truly love him. I couldn't love him any more than I do right now. It's a lovely feeling :).

I didn't get to spend the entire day with him as originally planned (his mom is meeeeean :(. he's grounded for 2 months apparently too, we'll see about that...) but I got to see him for a couple hours in the morning which was nice. We kissed a lot and took some cutesy couple pictures and that was nice :). He's the ultimate guy for me, there's absolutely nothing I would change about our relationship. I'm so happy I have him <3.

But, I just want to say to anyone out there celebrating Singles Awareness Day that it's only a matter of time, ok? This time next year you may be full-on snogging a total hottie :D. Until then, just chill out and enjoy today like any other Sunday afternoon. But never, ever, EVER give up on love. It works in mysterious, heart-breaking, incomprehensible ways, but it'll always work out in the end.

I'm going to tell you a little about the history of Valentine's Day, that I learned from a movie but just reconfirmed with the History channel website, cuz I think it's cool. Saint Valentine was originally a priest during the reign of Claudius II in Rome. Claudius II decided that he didn't want his soldiers distracted by wives or families, so he outlawed marriage. Valentine, however, continued to marry couples in secret. A small-time priest rebelling against the Roman Emperor because he believed in love. Isn't that just sweet? Amor omnia vincit :). I like that story. It's nicer than thinking Hallmark came up with the entire idea of it.

Also wishing a very happy birthday to Earos. I don't love the boy that gave you to me, but I'll always love you and what you stand for :).

Sorry I haven't come up with many legit axiomatic musings lately. I've just kinda been posting when I get bored xD. I'll think of something witty soon :).

♪: "The Only Exception" by Paramore
♫: "If My Heart Was A House" by Owl City
♪♫: "I Don't Wish You Were Dead Anymore" by Bowling for Soup
♫♫: "Today Was A Fairytale" by Taylor Swift <3.

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who isn't that affected by the Facebook changes.

So can we stop complaining? It seems like every time Facebook changes their layout, there's a host of new "Join to get rid of the new Facebook!" groups and fan pages that disappear after about a month and it's kind of getting old. So let's put on our big girl panties and embrace changes, mmkay? Little ones like this aren't the ones you need to be worrying about xD.

Also, I got my bellybutton pierced a week ago, but I don't think I mentioned that yet. It's pretty. I love it. Ash loves it. Sal hates it. It's pretty! :D. And it has not turned me into a slut contrary to my mother's beliefs. So if anyone out there is considering it, go for it, it doesn't even hurt badly :).

♪: "I Belong to You" by Muse

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who believes in Girl Code.

So I haven't updated in a while. But stuff has been happening. So hi! :D

Girl Code is quite simple, really. It's just a natural set of rules that governs girls and their friendships. It isn't set in stone anywhere, it's just a natural, "You don't do that" thing. Most of it is common sense.

Stuff like,

-It is your duty to inform another Girl if her necklace clasp is in the front, her tag is sticking out, etc.

-It is perfectly acceptable to request a bathroom buddy.

-When one Girl is dumped, it is your duty to bring her chocolatey or various other sweet things.

-[Generally] hoes before bros.

And, of course, possibly the most important, "Thou shalt not date thy best friend's ex." It's just not okay. It makes things awkward, screws up friendships, and should just generally be avoided.

Unless, apparently, you're Sal and Rayne. The happy couple of 3 weeks.

Now what you're getting here is my dulled down version, because I have cooled off. I specifically haven't posted about this yet because I knew most of this would end up in size 36 caps had I done it when it happened. Honestly, even thinking about it now, I feel angry. But that will just help me make my point.

Just. Don't. Do it.

Basically nothing good has come of it so far. Not only do they make a horribly awkward couple (they don't even sit next to each other at lunch), but they screwed up multiple things. See, firstly, it screwed up me and Sal's "friendship". I mean he's a dick to me. Frequently. For no reason. So that wasn't helping, but we were starting to get to a point where we could tolerate each other. Then throw THIS wrench in the works, and I couldn't even go near either him or Rayne for a week. It's just awkward now. It's nothing to do with the fact he's actually in a relationship. Now that I have Ash, I could care less. Sal could be dating ANY OTHER GIRL IN THE WORLD and I'd be nothing but congratulatory. But really?! My best friend?! Is he THAT uncreative?! So yeah. Now it's just making it harder for us to be friends because I hate the relationship he's in. Which sucks.

It also fucked up Rayne and I's friendship. Firstly, once it became obvious she was flirting with him, and hadn't talked to me at all, I got all stressed. She never tells me anything, see, even though we were "best friends". She talks to her mom. Whatever. So once I was seriously freaking out, she finally started talking to me. And we'd chat and I had to be supportive. Now see, this is where the friendship starts falling apart. Of COURSE I knew then that I'd be upset if it happened. But if I had said that, she wouldn't have said 'yes'. And it would have just been putting off the inevitable, meaning more long-term stress for me. So I lied, so we could get this whole thing over with. She was on the rebound so it was bound to happen. (That's probably the main reason, actually, I can't think of any other she'd want to go out with a guy who made me feel the way I did for all those posts over the summer...). Then, once it HAPPENED, I didn't even acknowledge her existence for a week. I stopped hanging out with that posse altogether. It was like she didn't exist to me. Which, honestly, I was quite okay with. I was content to just end the friendship there. In a way, I did.

See, I can't tell her anything anymore. Because if I ever want to confide anything to her, chances are I won't want Sal knowing. But, since they're dating now, I don't really have a choice. It's just a relationship thing. You tell them stuff you hear about your friends, etc. It's expected, so I'm not MAD, it's just sad now. She isn't my best friend anymore, and probably won't be. I mean we'll be nice to each other, I just can't trust her anymore like I did before. C'est domage, mais c'est la vie.

So how does one deal with this? When I sit next to Sal in History and Rayne is still very much a part of that posse and increasingly unavoidable?

Well I've come to an agreement in my head. I can deal with Sal on his own (he's been more tolerable which is nice) and I can deal with Rayne on her own (as more of an acquaintance now). It's just when I see them together that I can't deal. I either avoid them all together, or only acknowledge one by themselves, as if the other isn't there, as if they aren't REALLY a couple and my social framework hasn't REALLY changed all that much. It seems to be working so far. It's just a tough situation, is all, but there's nothing I can do about it at this point.

Thank goodness I have Ash, is all I can say. He has not only been supportive this entire time, but he's introduced me to his friends too, and they're AWESOME. They're couples too, which is great for double-dating. I really like one of his friends, codenamed Tawny, and her boyfriend Jim. They've been dating for like, 2 years, and they're fun :). Tawny's a sweetheart too, we get along really well. So possibly a replacement best girlfriend? We'll see :D.

Basically...honor your sistahs. I mean after being dumped like that by a guy, the last thing any girl needs is THAT. It's just...you just don't DO that!

But you know what? I have Tawny, and I have Ash. And with friends like these, well, who needs enemies? :)

♪: "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera

♫: "The Bird and the Worm" by Owl City (whom i've gotten to be obsessed with xD)