The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who has girlfriends.

Yeah, you read that right. I found real live female humans that I enjoy spending time with, seriously.

And it's freaking me out.

I mean, I've mentioned my issues with girlfriends before. Most of the girls I know are catty, shallow, or boring, or they could be perfectly lovely people, we just don't have enough in common to maintain a real friendship. I'm starting to realize that the case is the same for most of my guy friends these days too, but at least they never get to the point of being bitchy. (Except with politics, but I'll mention that later).

POINT IS that these girls are none of those things. See if this description of Reggie sounds familiar: She's loud and chatty, funny, but fiercely defensive of her friends. She's in a long-term relationship (more than 1 year) with a runner. She loves to dance, organize stuff with student senate, and eat frozen yogurt. She adores Pokemon, old-school Disney Channel, everything from the 90's (hence the codename), How I Met Your Mother, and pictures baby animals. She loves to bake, and even has a double oven for doing so (something I'm actually really jealous of xD). She moves and jumps around a lot and isn't really ever afraid to blurt out whatever pops into her head.

So yeah. We have a couple things in common. Hehe :D. The real thing that sets us apart is that she's so much more spunky. Like, the word spunk was invented for this girl. Also spunk doesn't look like a word when you write it enough. Spunk spunk spunk spunk spunk. Lulz.

Anyway. Then there's Hilary. She's more quiet than Reggie but absolutely hilarious when you get to know her. She's a dancer, and we really bonded over that during the musical this year. She is sweet and I guess the best word to describe her is level-headed. That's not to say she doesn't get stressed, it's just that when she does, she doesn't flip out like me. She just seems to handle things really well. She's funny and smart and clever, and good at conversation. Like despite the fact that she's pretty chill and we don't have quite as much in common as Reggie and I do, we can still find anything to talk about and it's not awkward, I just like chatting with her. People like that are hard to find, so I tend to stick with them.

Then lastly is Solay. Because literally she exhales sunbeams xD. She's one of those people who greets you in the hallway like you haven't seen her in 5 years and she's missed you every minute of it. She greets her friends as "love" or "beautiful" and gives great hugs. Just being in her presence for a few minutes can lighten any mood and brighten every day, I just love it. She's genuine, too, I think that's what sets her apart and why I appreciate her. Plenty of people are nice, but it's so refreshing to find someone that is nice and means every word they say. So she's great too.

So here I am, now with these 3 great girlfriends, with less than 3 months to move-in day at Cornell. Figures my luck :P.

This post didn't really have more of a point than that, just to tell you about these girls that prove that it is physically possible for me to make friends with people who have the same number of X chromosomes as myself.

AND NOW FOR MORE RANDOM MUSINGS!
-Yeah, it does kinda bother me that 98% of my friends are republicans. Especially when they have no qualms about discussing how Obama sucks and liberals are dumb right in front of me. I just think it's unnecessary. By all means, have opinions that are different than mine, just don't tell me I'm an idiot for having them.
-THIS IS A SHOUT OUT TO LEONARD AND HOPE. Today Hope is awesome because she plays Scramble With Friends with me, and today Leonard is awesome because he introduced our psych class to Three Minute Philosophy and it was hilarious xD. Also they asked me to blog about them. So here you go, guys!
-Has anyone tried the new Taco Bell Dorito taco shell yet? I really want to try one.
-I don't like my prom dress. It's poorly made and it makes me look huge but I should have expected that when I ordered online. Nothing about prom so far has turned out quite how I hoped, but I guess that means by the actual evening of prom I'll be due for something that'll really exceed my expectations, right? Woo! :D

Okay Sal's calling so I gotta go. Hope you all have lovely evenings. Sorry this post was kind of random and sucky, it's been a long and rather unpleasant day. More decent posts soon.

*: Anything on the new California 37 album by Train

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who just got back from her dream school.

Someone pinch me. There is no possible way I actually got into my dream school, attended their accepted students day, and have parents that will be mailing in the deposit tomorrow.

Spending two days at Cornell was absolutely surreal. I met some really nice people, got to see Statler Hall where all my hotelie classes will be as well as the rest of the campus which is just gorgeous this time of year. So many beautiful flowering trees, little birdies and gophers running around, overlooking the fingerlakes...just wow. And the coolest part was that my usual awkwardness at meeting new people was just non-existent. Because like, I'm finally in a place where I fit in. Where people selected me because they knew I would fit in. Especially in Statler: everyone there is as smart as or smarter than me, loves being friendly and personable, and has the same interests and career goals as me. Even the few people I met for half an hour on our tour were willing to introduce themselves and chat and friend me on facebook. It's one of the nice things about hospitality school; everyone's nice xD.
Any of the upperclassmen around campus that I asked for directions were perfectly welcoming and helpful. I just felt welcomed, and supported, and happy everywhere I went. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the perfect school for me and I'll be very happy there for the next four years. Obviously it'll be a lot of work (and a lot of money :/) but it'll be worth it. 

One of the things I really loved was when the Statler tour guides talked about the Alumni network and how great a resource it is, they used the phrase, "Once you're a Hotelie, you're a hotelie for life." So I not only have this amazing wealth of resources, friends, and faculty now, but I'll be able to tap into it for the rest of my life. They mentioned how Bill Marriott reserves 10 out of 20 internships per year strictly for Hotelies, and always greets them personally. I just think it's incredible to realize the kind of network that this school opens up. I'll always have a place to go :).

Basically, the next four years are going to rock. However much I miss Sal and the others, and however cold and sleety Ithaca gets, I'm going to make it rock :D.

*: "You Fckn Did It" by Jason Mraz
**: "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is not a fat gross disgusting blubbery hippo.

Not even a little bit.

Let me tell you why. 

I went shopping for jeans today. My mom finally forced me because my old pairs were worn through or the fly was busted because I'd had the jeans for literally 4 1/2 years. I kept avoiding getting new ones because I HATE jeans shopping; it's just blow after blow to your ego as you wiggle and struggle into the size you thought you were but apparently need a shoehorn to get into now. It's enough to make any self-conscious teenage girl fall [back] into an eating disorder. 

And I don't think I'm alone in feeling that way. 

I'm a tentative size 5. I know that isn't thin, but I know it isn't fat either. I'm 5'7", but I also have a butt, which is apparently is an impossible concept for most designers to grasp these days. I went to Forever 21, JC Penney's, Macy's, and even Abercrombie** and found nothing. It seemed that any size 5 jeans did not account for any hint of a butt or hips. But, any size 7 jeans that accounted for a womanly shape also assumed that I had a waist circumference of about 3 feet. It didn't make any sense to me. I sat there teary-eyed in the dressing room thinking about my thunder-thighs and hippo ass and wondering what I could do, how I'd have to lose a few inches off each of my thighs just to find a pair of pants that I could wear. It was pathetic. We had wasted 3 hours at the mall and I had gained nothing but a bunch of bruises to my ego and a strong desire to purge. 

I decided to try one last place, Old Navy**, because they always advertise how they have jeans that can fit any shape. I didn't hold a lot of hope. I picked out some pairs to try on in sizes 4 and 6 because they didn't have 5's. I went into a fitting room, and tried on one of the size 6 pairs. I could get it on, which was a nice change from the rest of the day, but it was a little loose around the waistband. I tried on the 4, and to my surprise, it was a perfect fit! I was elated. Every other size 4 pair I tried on there fit great, and I ended up getting 3 pairs in no more than 20 minutes. No awkward tugging or gaping, and the length was perfect. They're flattering, not overly stretched or baggy. I could have started dancing right there in the store :D. I wanted to just run up to one of the salespeople and give them a hug while screaming, "FINALLY, SOMEONE GETS ME!!" It was that feeling you get when you've been standing in the cafeteria on the first day of school for two minutes looking for a place, then finally seeing your friend waving to you. 

So I've learned my lesson now. Sizes mean almost NOTHING. They'll get you in the ballpark but from there it's all a guessing game based on the designer, the brand, the style, the way the particular pair of pants was sewed, and a trillion other factors that you can't control. Never jump to assuming it's because you're a freak because you are NOT. It's okay to have a butt or to not have a butt, it's okay to be tall, or short, or round, or triangular, or hexagonal or...where was I? Point is you're fine, it's these freaking stores that don't know anything about actual people. Just find a brand that accounts for whatever body type you have and stick to it. As long as you feel comfortable and confident, you'll look great :). 

*: "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars

**I am not advertising positively or negatively for any of these stores in particular, just saying what happened. 

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen with 20/20 vision.

In hindsight, primarily.

Sometimes I find pictures of myself from 8th or 9th grade, and my initial reaction is, '...ew.' It's even worse if I ever go back and reread blog posts or IM logs from then. I want to just yell at myself for thinking I knew things when I just didn't, and being obnoxiously high-maintenance and demanding and just an annoying, undesirable person. I look back and wonder how anyone even wanted to talk to me, goodness knows I wouldn't have :P.

But then I'll come across a picture of that shrill little gremlin and she's standing next to this really cute guy, and they're both smiling. The same cute guy that happens to be smiling next to me in my junior prom pictures, and the picture from my birthday that pops up on my phone when he calls me. Somehow, that guy fell for the loud brace-faced twerp, and somehow she couldn't quite scare him off. He saw the swan while she was still an ugly little duckling; saw some tiny little fleck of gold in the mud and decided to see if there was more. He claimed he wasn't paitient when it came to waiting, but now I know he lied: he had all the patience in the world. He was patient for 3 years for the frizzy-haired freak to learn to dress nicely, do her hair tidily, get haircuts that suited her, smile metal-free, and become more mature. Well, a little bit more mature. Just go with it ;).

It just baffles me sometimes, is all. It makes me really appreciate the kind of guy that Sal was and is. It's the reason I can relax so much around him--If he liked me when I looked and acted like that, then there isn't anything to worry about if I forget to wear mascara for the day, right? :). And maybe I'll look back in another four years and say the same thing about how I look now, but that still doesn't worry me. Clearly even if I don't have faith in myself sometimes, someone's seen something good at me from the beginning, and I just have to trust that he's onto something.

*: "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's gonna make it through this post without crying.

Senior show reflection. Sigh.

Last night was the last time I'll be part of a Cheshire High School musical production. The last dance break, the last cheesy pose, the last obnoxious "ye gods!" It's still barely hit me. I think the worst was just after we finished Shipoopi last night. I got off stage and immediately burst into tears when I realized it was done. Done, over, finished. But for the sake of my makeup I managed to contain most of it and make it through the rest of the show and most of the cast party.

AND THEN FRICKIN CJ HAD TO GO AND BE TOO FRICKIN NICE AND CRYING AND GAHHH.

Sorry, I think I'm in the anger stage of grief. Last night when people were being all teary-eyed and loving I kept screaming at them. Out of love, of course, but I still felt bad :P. It's just easier to be angry at everyone than to admit how much I'll miss them.

That's the weirdest part, I think. I'll miss them.

I kind of touched on this when I gave my ribbon this year, but I've never really felt that at-home with the drama department. Everyone always talked about it like it was this big happy family. I felt like if it was, then I was the one awkward step-kid who everyone smiles at but avoids talking to. I sat across the aisle from where most of the cast sat during notes, I sat alone to put on make-up and everything, and as much as I was friendly and didn't have anything against anyone in the cast, I kept to myself. I always felt a little detached, distanced: alone on a crowded stage. But last year, and especially this year, I finally started feeling like I belonged. Just in time for me to leave, naturally. Especially with someone like CJ, because I only got to know him for a year. As soon as he got to the high school, I got ready to leave it. He was one of those rare people that you don't have to know very well at all to know that you click with them. He and his girlfriend remind me a lot of myself and Sal when we were freshmen, although I hope whatever happens with them in the long-run is easier of a ride than what Sal and I had ;). And of course Dave. That's a story.

I pretty much despised Dave when we were paired as partners for the musical. He had let us down with the One Acts set, I found him really annoying to direct because he gets very defensive when given acting notes, and we just didn't get along. If he thought the same or worse things about me I wouldn't be surprised. But once rehearsals started, we never showed it once. We valued our roles and we knew our characters couldn't work unless we let down our guards and trusted each other. So, that's exactly what we did. I sucked up my pride and irritability, let go of the grudges, and moved on for the sake of Zaneeta. And ye gods, I am so glad I did! :D. We became excellent dance partners, daredevil stunt performers, and even maybe friends :). We'd chat backstage, psyche each other up for our dances, and I really came to appreciate him as a person; no matter how much I cursed Dusk for pairing us up at first, I realize now it was all for the best. And I think that means we grew up a little.

Ironically, this week I've also tried the exact same approach with Cissa. I figure that rather than ignoring each other, we can at least acknowledge each other as human beings, so I've tried to treat her the same way I would any member of the cast that I may not necessarily be friends with, but who i don't hate. She isn't having it, and is apparently mad that I'm acting like nothing ever happened.

Meh. I'm becoming more and more convinced that I was so right in having more guy friends than girl ones.

I could keep rambling on about nearly every member of the cast but I'm exhausted from the cast sleepover and I need to go nap. There's just one more I have to mention.

I don't know how or why this is happening suddenly now, but my friends are actually starting to like me. Yes, me. Not Sal's girlfriend, not that girl who makes good food, but me. Last night, Mickey pulled me aside and said he had something to say that he was originally going to save for closer to graduation but didn't want to wait any longer for. He said a lot of really nice things that I won't reiterate here for privacy's sake, but basically it came down to him saying that now, he really considers me one of his friends. On our own terms, not because I'm dating Sal or anything else. And he might understand a little because he's apparently found this blog, but I don't think he could possibly have known what that meant to me. I...I can't even explain how it felt. Among my awkward comments and not-funny jokes, I must have done something right. I could have danced around the room but I didn't want to push it xD. All in all, it was an amazing addition to an already incredible night. Senior year really does awesome things to people.

Alrighty, well on that somewhat inspirational note, I really need to go rest. Thank you so much to everyone in the musical for such an amazing experience. I know how cliche that sounds but honestly I couldn't put these emotions into words anyway. All I can say is see you all at Halos :) <3

*: "Goodnight, My Someone" from The Music Man
**: "Shipoopi!" from The Music man