The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is not a fat gross disgusting blubbery hippo.

Not even a little bit.

Let me tell you why. 

I went shopping for jeans today. My mom finally forced me because my old pairs were worn through or the fly was busted because I'd had the jeans for literally 4 1/2 years. I kept avoiding getting new ones because I HATE jeans shopping; it's just blow after blow to your ego as you wiggle and struggle into the size you thought you were but apparently need a shoehorn to get into now. It's enough to make any self-conscious teenage girl fall [back] into an eating disorder. 

And I don't think I'm alone in feeling that way. 

I'm a tentative size 5. I know that isn't thin, but I know it isn't fat either. I'm 5'7", but I also have a butt, which is apparently is an impossible concept for most designers to grasp these days. I went to Forever 21, JC Penney's, Macy's, and even Abercrombie** and found nothing. It seemed that any size 5 jeans did not account for any hint of a butt or hips. But, any size 7 jeans that accounted for a womanly shape also assumed that I had a waist circumference of about 3 feet. It didn't make any sense to me. I sat there teary-eyed in the dressing room thinking about my thunder-thighs and hippo ass and wondering what I could do, how I'd have to lose a few inches off each of my thighs just to find a pair of pants that I could wear. It was pathetic. We had wasted 3 hours at the mall and I had gained nothing but a bunch of bruises to my ego and a strong desire to purge. 

I decided to try one last place, Old Navy**, because they always advertise how they have jeans that can fit any shape. I didn't hold a lot of hope. I picked out some pairs to try on in sizes 4 and 6 because they didn't have 5's. I went into a fitting room, and tried on one of the size 6 pairs. I could get it on, which was a nice change from the rest of the day, but it was a little loose around the waistband. I tried on the 4, and to my surprise, it was a perfect fit! I was elated. Every other size 4 pair I tried on there fit great, and I ended up getting 3 pairs in no more than 20 minutes. No awkward tugging or gaping, and the length was perfect. They're flattering, not overly stretched or baggy. I could have started dancing right there in the store :D. I wanted to just run up to one of the salespeople and give them a hug while screaming, "FINALLY, SOMEONE GETS ME!!" It was that feeling you get when you've been standing in the cafeteria on the first day of school for two minutes looking for a place, then finally seeing your friend waving to you. 

So I've learned my lesson now. Sizes mean almost NOTHING. They'll get you in the ballpark but from there it's all a guessing game based on the designer, the brand, the style, the way the particular pair of pants was sewed, and a trillion other factors that you can't control. Never jump to assuming it's because you're a freak because you are NOT. It's okay to have a butt or to not have a butt, it's okay to be tall, or short, or round, or triangular, or hexagonal or...where was I? Point is you're fine, it's these freaking stores that don't know anything about actual people. Just find a brand that accounts for whatever body type you have and stick to it. As long as you feel comfortable and confident, you'll look great :). 

*: "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars

**I am not advertising positively or negatively for any of these stores in particular, just saying what happened.