The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen whose life is wonderful :).

Oh the joys of being a mercurial-minded teenager xD.

Disregard the previous post. I overreacted. Too much stuff had just been building up, I guess, and snowballed into one big anxiety attack. But I talked to Ash and we agreed we each had things to work on and that we love each other enough to work on them. Aww, right? He's such a sweetheart. I love that we can talk stuff out. Sal and I never really did, we were too stubborn with each other in lots of ways. But the fact that Ash is willing to compromise makes me willing to do te same, and I think that's what ends up being the basis of a healthy relationship. Or something like that, point is we worked it out, I'm happy again, very in love, and all is right with the world. I spent the day with my parents at our timeshare in MA which ended up being very nice, I liked showing off my tummy piercing by the pool :D.

Sorry this post doesn't really have an axiomatic musing, I just kinda wanted to leave an update. My advice for the day I guess is that things can be worked out if you swallow your pride for a minute for the sake of someone you care about.
Oh! Which reminds me to tell y'all that Sal and I are actually getting to be friends again! It only took a little less than a year of obnoxious comments and irritation and stubbornness but lately he's been actually nice to Ash and I, and I can have an actual human conversation with him. I'm not exactly calling us besties yet, but just seeing that it's easier to get along with him gives me hope. It's so much less stress than hating him. Although I won't speak too soon xD. But yeah, that's another awesome thing that's going on. As for Rayne...eh. Maybe I'll do a post about her sometime soon. I don't wanna do anymore indepth thinking tonight. xD.

• [on my iPod, no alt characters]: "Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz
••: "The Way I Love(d) You" by Taylor Swift <3.
•••: "Curbside Prophet" by Mraz

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is very disappointed in herself for being this self-pitying.

But we can't all be confident all the time.

I think I'm actually jealous. I mean yeah, I've always been a little high-maintenance, a little bitchy. But jealous? That I'm finding hard to believe.
But recently every time another girl I'm not familiar with writes on his wall with a little (: and every time he 'likes' another girls profile picture and every time i see he's been on Facebook or Formspring but isn't IMing me like he usually does...I just get upset. Or lately he's been becoming better friends with my 'best friend' than I ever was...I don't know what to do. I start wondering if he's losing interest in me, what else he's doing, why i'm even upset in the first place...But i don't know what else to think.

I'm trying to figure out what leads to this jealousy. I've narrowed it down to:

1. Lack of Trust. But that isn't my situation, I trust that he loves me and would never cheat on me. We've agreed upon this before. He knows what it's like to be cheated on and would never put me through that. So that isn't it.
2. Lack of Personal Confidence. Since a minor issue in the beginning of the week, I'm just not confident enough in myself anymore to be confident I can actually keep a guy interested this long. I keep trying to take a prettier Facebook profile picture because one of his other [girl] friends is so pretty. Nothing yet but I'll keep trying when I wipe the mascara streaks off my cheeks. I start wondering why he's even with me in the first place, and thinking that it's pure luck he's with me anyway so why WOULDN'T he find some other girl? He's so gorgeous. And popular, too, whether he thinks so or not. I just love him and think he's so goddamn attractive in every way I figure that other girls must think the same way, so why doesn't he pick one of them? I start criticising myself. I'm too violent, I'm too embarrassing...now every time he pokes fun at me like he usually does, instead of taking it as a joke, I almost take it personally now because I wonder if THAT'S the thing that'll change his mind. I just can't tell. And I hate myself for thinking that, because confidence is attractive. Lack of confidence, this constant insecurity, is not. I used to be SO confident. I don't know what changed. But the more it happens, the more unattractive i am, and the more confidence I lose...This is not a fun cycle.
3. Need for Attention. Now see, this was never a problem before. He used to IM me as soon as I got home from school, when I woke up in the morning on a weekend, when I got back from rehearsal. He'd leave me adorable inboxes, write me cute notes, put his arm around me any chance he got...and now he just doesn't as much anymore. I don't understand why. Sure, part of it is just that he's been exhausted lately. I get that, obviously. God, I'm not that much of a bitch. It's just that he's too exhausted to talk to me...and yet has plenty of energy to be on Facebook or Formspring talking to someone else. That's when I get confused and upset. I used to be so happy because he'd always make me feel so special, like a princess, the most important part of his life. And now...it just doesn't seem that way. And if we're getting to the point where it's becoming less about being all over each other and more of just a relaxed best-friend-with-kissing type of relationship, okay, I don't mind that either. Long-term relationships get to that point and it isn't BAD, it's just different. I just want to know if that's what it is or not, because I'm still madly infatuated with him. I'm not angry that he isn't as affectionate anymore or anything like that. I guess you can't expect a guy to keep that up for more than 7 months. I just wish I knew what the reason for the change was. Because if I don't, then I start theorizing myself (see #2).

I've been trying so hard lately to be a good girlfriend. I hold in my comments when I could be getting angry and I vent to you, dear internet, instead of him so i can calm down before I talk to him and therefore don't sound like I'm angry and blaming him when we do talk. I think of cute things to tell him to keep him in a good mood and I leave him 'good morning!' wall posts. It just seems like he barely recognizes or reciprocates that anymore, but he gets upset when I crack under pressure and do something wrong. I don't know what to think or do.

I need to talk to him. I need to know how he feels about everything just so I know how to react. Once I know, I can stop worrying. It's the confusion that's killing me. But oh, look at that, he's not online. Just poked me on Facebook though. Not online there either. I might try calling him.

I need sleep really badly too, and I'm in a horrible mood from B1 day. More about that on my dA, i don't feel like reiterating here. That probably isn't helping this either...I'm so disappointed in myself. And I'm so tired of blaming myself...But I've been trying so hard not to get easily upset anymore. But I'm not upset. Not yet. I just need to know what's going on, then I'll decide how I feel. That's all. I hope he still thinks i'm worth this stuff that goes through my mind. I really hope so.


♪: "Who's That Girl?" by Hilary Duff
♫: "World of Chances" by Demi Lovato
♪♫: "Solo" by Demi Lovato

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who just doesn't understand the Y chromosome somtimes...

Guys, and their logic, make near to no sense to me. Which is weird, considering most of my friends and certainly my best friends are all guys. But some things I'll just never agree with them on.

Top Things I Will Never Understand or Agree With About [most] Guys:
-Their need to 'explore' and need for a 'chase'.
-Their general avoidance of heavy emotional or time commitments due to a drive for independence.
-Their obsession with boobs. Like maybe it's just cuz I already have them, but it just doesn't seem like they're as much fun as guys think xD.
-Some of their humor, and what they find a funny joke that is absolutely not a funny joke.
-How quickly they can change their mind (it's actually not just girls!).
-Their complete oblivion to what girls think are very obvious hints (e.g. when you like a guy and they have no clue whatsoever)
-Or, their complete overanalyzation of every move a girl-of-interest makes. No, there actually is no code to the meaning of "byeee!" versus "byeeee!", sorry!
-How they consider girls the 'complicated' ones. Actually; 4 C's: Chocolate, Care, Constant loyalty, and Compliments. Not hard.
-Their frequent exclusion of girls from close 'best friend' groups as if we have cooties.
-Their all-costs avoidance to admit defeat or accept help, especially from a girl.


Amongst other things. Call me sexist but I can promise you I'm not the only girl on the internet that's ever gone, "Wait...what?? That makes no sense!" to something a guy has said or done.

But at the end of the day, when you care about a guy, even if he does something that makes no sense to you, there's a point where you have to say, "You're completely illogical...but fine, I'll respect your opinion because I love you." Because even if I'll never agree, sometimes I can at least see their point of view. And i think once you learn to do that, it's kinda like that "maturity" thing i keep hearing about. Who knows :).
Point is boys can be stupid. But you gotta love 'em anyway. :)

Ash and I have been talking more relationship-y stuff lately. A couple incongruousnesses of opinion that we worked out in the end. I find it all just really comes down to a respect thing. Even if you can't agree with the person's viewpoint, respect them enough to try to understand if nothing else. THAT'S when a relationship can really work.

Oh! And i decided to re-record "Smother Me" as soon as I get a chance. The first video is too fast, methinks. Just a heads up :).

♪: "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall
♫: "Summer Breeze" by Jason Mraz
♪♫: "Best Damn Thing" by Avril Lavigne

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen in a daze of lovey dovey happiness.

There are perfect moments.

Sometimes you don't even realize it. But other times, you can be curled up against his chest, protected by his arms, tired after an exhausting but very fun day, and you realize that this is one of those moments.
This is one of those perfect moments when everything is right with the world. There is no stress, no thought of the future, no fear of the past. There is only this perfect moment in which everything falls into place.

These moments don't come along too often.

Because these moments require love--the absolute purest form of love. Be it for your family, your dream, your art, or the boy that you just can't seem to imagine yourself without. When all the love of a day is concentrated into a few moments, that is when the world stops turning. And all that matters is the warmth inside and out, the comfort, and the pure happiness.

I had one of those moments last night on the car ride home from a very fun day with Ash. And it just reminds me how lucky I am and how important it is to appreciate every second I have with him. No matter what happens with this election or anything else in my life, I have him and he'll get me through it. And I couldn't be luckier to have someone like that.
So whatever love you have in your life...go appreciate it. Tell them you love them. Go play your sport. Draw a picture.

And go make your own moment. :).

♪: "Today Was A Fairytale" by Taylor Swift
♫: "Sleepwalking Cover" by BeeBee Free

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen running for Class President!

Ohh what a week xD.
BUT AT LEAST AP IS OVER!! It wasn't as bad as it could have been. Frankly studying for it was worse than taking it. And the bottom line is now I'm relaxing on my front lawn, looking at sunlight filter through the dense leaves (you can't even see the road from here) and watching a squirrel nom the seeds that fall out of our birdfeeder. All is right with the world :).

It'll just be more right if and when I become Class President.

See, this is my 3rd year running and I'd kind of like to break my losing streak. The past years I think I've just been too unpopular, too annoying, and not focused enough. But this year I have posters, candy, and even buttons (and those things are NOT cheap, people!!) in hopes of appealing to more people. As far as I know so far, I have just about all of the female vote. Girls know we need females choosing the prom theme ;). I'm still a little skeptical though. :\
My opponents will be codenamed Shmash and Leppy (as in leprechaun. so fitting yet so ironic.). Leppy's been beating me for Class President the past 2 years. His support comes from the football team, rugby team, and most of the guys. Shmash is hard to tell. He has a lot of people in his Facebook group, but only because he harrasses people in the hallway and on FBChat asking for votes. He's in about a trillion other clubs too, so some people doubt that he'll be able to handle everything and still be a good president. Sounds like I have a good shot, sure, but it's so hard to tell. High school elections are crazyy and people can be swayed by anything. Believe me, I know that well enough...I haven't won any sort of election since 7th grade though I've run for everything; I've been THAT unpopular.

But you know what? I'm not giving up. I just got this Formspring comment from a friend:

on a feild trip today a few girls had a conversation about how much they like you & how good of a president you'd be. they were saying you're so sweet, & perky then they compared how you would do opposed to a couple other candidates. good luck :)

And that basically made my day.
Sometimes, when people come up and tell me they're voting for me, or ask for a button to show their support, it really feels like I have a chance. Then other times when I see Leppy's FB fan page get more fans in an afternoon than mine did in a week, or I see some of my own close "friends" sporting Shmash buttons and I wonder why I even bothered.

Then that popped up in my inbox, and I remembered exactly why I bothered.

I WOULD be a good president. And I'm confident of that. I'm friendly, organized, creative, and enthusiastic. I have SO many good ideas for possible prom themes already (how awesome would an Aurora Borealis prom be?? Or Candyland??) and I've always wanted this. Like, since elementary school I've been running for everything i could, be it student council or 'class leader' or anything. I've always been the organizer...in 4th grade, I organized a talk show/comedy show with the other creative kids in my class. We had a news section, an advice section, a comedy skit with the class clowns, and we'd perform a new show for the rest of the class once a month under my direction. It just always came naturally to me to lead, and naturally for others to follow me. Well, until they realized they didn't like me. But until then, yeah :).
That's why I'm running. Not because I want the control. Not because I feel the need to be involved in something. Not because I think I'm the most experienced or qualified. I'm running because this is just who I am and what I love. I LOVE organizing events, I LOVE helping people, I LOVE to be able to organize something awesome and then have someone say, 'This is a memory I'll always treasure' because of what I did.  I LOVE that feeling. I want to make junior year awesome, and frankly I don't trust either other candidate to do that. But I know I can. And I will. :).

So there's my little rant on the campaign. I'm losing sleep over it, and I keep tweaking my speech, but I just hope it's all worth it. And so far I haven't been too affected by the poster vandals, *knock on wood*. So wish me luck! Speeches on Monday, voting on Tuesday! Eek! :D.

♪: "Supergirl" by Hilary Duff
♫: "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall <3

OFFICIAL CLASS PRESIDENT SPEECH (as requested for posting by an anonymous Formspring user):

Hey! I’m running for Class President…again. And although I keep getting turned down…well, I’m still here, aren’t I? Clearly I don’t take no for an answer too readily. Call me stubborn--but if I don’t give up on this then why would I give up on anything YOU guys wanted badly? If you as a class demand you want a certain theme for your prom, a certain event hosted as a fundraiser, then I’m gonna work my butt off until you get it! I just WON’T give up when there’s something I want and know I can get done. I can get obsessive and controlling about situations, but isn’t that what you need in a president? Someone who won’t back down when it comes to what you guys ask for? I’m determined and efficient and in the end, that only helps me help you.

Another way I’ve fine-tuned my skills in getting things done is through directing One Acts for the second time this year. Directing a production, I need to know what's going on with everything at any given time so that when people ask me a question, I know the answer and can point them in the right direction. I have to find a way to get everyone involved in the production, from the stars to the stagehands, and I have to come through or it won't be a success--and if you saw our performance in December, you know that thanks to the extremely talented and cooperative cast and crew--it was certainly a success!

I wanna mention quickly about my Formspring the past couple weeks. I’ve been getting numerous questions asking about my plans, my qualifications, and my opinions on different situations—and answering them all honestly and explicitly. It’s truly been a great experience for me, because I’ve gotten to know you, the voters, and what your opinions are. That’s not just a group on Facebook, that’s not just some poster or some speech—that’s me, the candidate, talking directly to you, the voters, about your feelings. If elected president, I want to keep that kind of bond, so I know what you all are thinking. No matter what kind of experience or qualifications or skills I have, if you guys don’t like what the student government is doing, then nothing can succeed. If elected, I’ll start a Facebook ‘fan’ or ‘like’ page or whatever it is nowadays and make sure everyone in the class can be a member. Then after each student government meeting, I’ll send out a message letting you all know what we’re doing, what we’re planning to do, and how you personally can get involved with your class. And if you have any more questions before voting, check out my Formspring and I’d be more than happy to answer them for you! I just want every person in this room to feel involved in their class.

All in all, you guys know me. I work as hard as I can for things I believe in, I’m efficient, organized, and a skilled and experienced leader. And for those of you who don't know; it IS the student government that decides the themes you vote on for prom, the prom committee is only in charge of decorating and tables, etc. I'm very creative and I’ve already been thinking up awesome possible prom themes like Neverland, Northern Lights, and even Candyland. I have original fundraising ideas and I look forward to making next year—especially prom—memorable and enjoyable.  Vote Davana!

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who shoulda taken Level 1 History.

But, being the overacheiving idiot i am, I took AP. Which means I won't be blogging this week if I'm studying. Just a heads up.

Wish me luck!! I'm so scared :(. I mean it's not detrimental to my future but even still...it's the biggest test I've taken in my life so far. And it's 3 hours long, ughhh!

So yeah. Right now I have to finish my math so I can study for a math quiz and then have time to study for a Latin quiz before I study for a Chem quiz so I can finish that and then study for the AP History exam and then write my campaign speech (I'm running for Class President...again xD. There will definitely be a post about that soon.) So I better get on all that xP.

Other stuff's been going on too but nothing I need to tell you about at this moment when there are other things to do. I've just been considering something lately. Have you ever had 2 completely valid, completely evidence-based, completely logical viewpoints on a topic, that completely contradict each other? And on any given time one will seem like the correct viewpoint, and then the other one will ten minutes later? It's rather frustrating because I don't know how to decide how I think. Hmph. :\.

♪: "Slow Me Down" by Emmy Rossum (SUCH a good singer. She was Christine in the latest Phantom of the Opera movie :D.)
♫: "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti and Spearhead (This song makes me so happy because it was in the movie Valentines Day and brings back happy memories ♥.)