The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who has more to say on AHC

I mentioned it a while back, remember? Awkward Hallway Complex? I'm doing an updated edition: Exes.

See, Ash and I both have issues with our exes. His is clingy and bitchy and Sal is immature and spiteful. Now, see, that shouldn't matter, because we don't need our exes, we have each other.

But they don't seem to get that.

See, I've had issues with She-Voldemort before. She's tried to break us up, she's made it quite clear she hates me, etc, etc. But after a couple incidents and I got totally fed up, Ash expelled her from his life for good. She's tried getting to talk to him again (even recently, she'll come up to him and be like "I miss us talkinggg" and he just tells her to get a life.) and it doesn't make me afraid or anything, I know Ash has no feelings for her, but she still makes me nervous. She's a senior too, which doesn't help.

Which brings us to Ex-AHC Type One: The silent but deadly. See, She-Voldemort doesn't go out of her way to irritate me. She just glares, or brushes into me, or hangs out talking to her sister where we hang out in the morning. So it's nothing outward, but it's just present enough to give me that stomach-sinking feeling...like you know when you're on a roller coaster and you just go down that really big hill and it feels like your stomach just dropped? That's what it's like. Not a fear, just a kind of tension. Not pleasant.

Then, there's Sal. I've been trying so f***ing hard to stay friends, keep it civil, but the jerk refuses to cooperate for more than a week. He'll say something to upset me, I'll get pissed, call him out on it, things will be okay, and then he'll do it again. And trust me, this upsets Ash just as much as it does me. He offers to talk to Sal for me, but of course that would make it worse so I tell him to just chill. Ash knows he doesn't have to worry about me having feelings for Sal (god knows i most certainly do NOT.) but he IS worried that someone (no matter who it is) is upsetting me this frequently. He just doesn't know how to react, because of Sal's position. Ash isn't a vengeful guy or anything, and he does try to be cool to Sal, but with Sal changing his opinion of me so frequently, it's impossible for him to know how to act.

Ergo, Ex-AHC Type Two: The Katy Perry. You know the song "Hot and Cold" by Katy? That's what it's like. Sal is friendly one minute, and a jackass the next. So sometimes Ash will try and say "hey" in the halls, because Sal is one of my friends. But Sal has been known to either say "hey" back, or just completely not acknowledge him at all. Or just like the look, approach, look away. So, as the name suggests, it is quite awkward.

There are other Types, not necessarily with Exes, but with a new signifo. Like my friends haven't exactly been overly welcoming towards Ash (as Sal's friends they all take his side) but he's still trying. My girlfriends have been a lot better about it, Rayne has been really nice to him and my other best girlfriend Cissa went from hating him (because of an untrue rumor) to really liking him now. And there aren't a lot of people she actually likes xD. So Ash is okay with that, but he's still trying to find a middle ground with my other friends. I've been doing great with his friends, actually, some of them I knew in elementary/middle school so it's cool to hang out with them again, and they all really like me. From the first week I was going out with him I felt totally comfortable saying hello to them, a really nice relief. So yes, there are situations that you can avoid AHC. They're rare xD.

Anyway, I know I don't really give any advice on how to combat AHC, goodness knows I would if I had any, but I hope if you're going, 'OMG ME TOO!' you know that you certainly are not the only one xD. Maybe if we all realize how awkward we're being with each other, we can all just relax, get over ourselves, and be friendly.

Now off to write a history essay :). Have a nice snow day!

♪: "Why Can't We Be Friends?" by War

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen Who is Thankful.

So yesterday was Thanksgiving.

Well, before I go into the whole thankfulness thing, I'll give you a quick update on stuff.

Ash:

Everything's fabulous, basically :). He is such a good boyfriend to me, really. It's so obvious he cares about me with everything he does, he shows concern for my happiness. And at the same time, I love doing stuff that makes HIM happy. What I like best is that he makes me feel special, for doing nothing at all. He dared me to wear sneakers one week instead of items from my 36-strong shoe collection. It was strange for me, I hadn't worn sneakers to school since I was teased for it in 8th grade. He told me I looked pretty every day though, then at the end of the week, he gave me this cute little plastic bracelet with a note saying that I didn't need fancy things to be pretty. That's the kind of guy he is :).

Friends:

Ugh, let's not go into this. The guys have pretty much all but isolated me, it's obvious now that I'm not with Sal they won't be nearly as welcoming. Whatever. Devon and I are still close, and I made a new-ish friend, we'll call her Chiki, in my Chem class and she's really sweet, a really good listener.

Family:

Daddy's home until after New Year's!! But Mommy is mean xP.

School:

Still holding my perfect 100 in French :D. My Chem teacher is psycho but other than that, stuff is good.

So anyway, NOW about Thanksgiving :).

I like Thanksgiving because, as my Lit teacher put it, it's a family holiday but there isn't any kind of delusion with anything like presents, it's just strictly family and food. Now I'm not the biggest fan of my family, but I do enjoy food :D. I stuffed myself last night (to the point I couldn't sleep) and it was really fun. Especially because I got rid of the fever I'd had since Tuesday. I find Thanksgiving is more of an internal holiday for me, simply because my family doesn't make it much of a deal. I take the time to reflect and really be grateful for what I have, because I know not everyone does. And I try not to list every single thing from my cellphone to my parents, so here are the big things I'm really, really thankful I have, and who helps me have them:

-My Sanity: Devon and Ash
-My Happiness: All of my friends
-My Love: Ash, of course!
-My Success: The decent teachers I have and friends that help me with homework
-My Health: The OJ that got rid of my fever
-My Family: Um, other relatives of my family, i guess xD
-My House: Mommy and Daddy!
-My Possessions: Mommy and Daddy and friends that get me gifts
-My Singing Ability: My totally awesome voice coach
-My Brain: Mommy mostly xD
-My Body: Genetics and Hula-Hoop!

-Ash, and the fact that he's happy and healthy

-Technology

-Education

-Food :)

So there you go. Amidst the face-stuffing yesterday I hope you at least thought about something you don't think you could live without. I know I have a few, and I'm so glad that they exist :).

NOW LET THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT BEGIN!! :D

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen whose Starmie will kick your ass.

I was Misty for Halloween, Ash was...okay seriously, you should be able to guess that xD. He didn't get that codename for nothing!

It was a lot of fun. We made an adorable couple, got some cute pictures, and spent literally 21 of the last 48 hours together, and it still wasn't enough, we were on AIM until after midnight last night :).
We talked about what our favorite part of October was. Literally, I couldn't choose. So much was magical this month, just as expected :). But I'll tell you one thing that really made my Halloween:

Ash: What?
Me: You...you love me. And you're with me right now, because you care about my happiness, even more than your own.
Ash: *gorgeous smile* Well, yeah. I thought we established this.

It seems silly. But that time last year, I was at home, playing board games with Devon and my Mom, because I didn't want to go trick-or-treating, but Sal did so he and his friends--my friends--ditched me and went off without me. And I felt so alone that night, so unloved.

There's a difference between saying you love someone, and showing it. It's the difference between the trailer and the actual movie. Like, yeah, the trailer is usually pretty cool, but if there's nothing decent to back it up, then who cares? The movie can exist without the trailer, but not vice-versa. And last year, how could I believe I was loved? He did what he wanted to do without regard to my happiness, or my feelings. He could say he loved me all he wanted, but when push came to shove, I still wasn't more important than what he wanted. Contrarily, I can think about Ash holding my hand at the football game, or racing me to the car so he could open my door for me every time, or bringing me roses...and he didn't have to say 'i love you' any of those times, because he was communicating it through what he did. And to me, that will always mean more than words ever could.

Despite a few issues this month with the She-Voldemort, a faulty lung, and information I'm still not 100% sure how to deal with...I know I love him. I know this is real, that I'm safe. That he cares about me and would never want me to be unhappy for any reason.

And that's a movie that may just overload the box office. I think I'll just call it "October." :)

Here's looking forward to November, too.

♪: "When We Die" by Bowling for Soup
♫: "Earthquake" by The Used
♪♫: "Somewhere In The Between" by Tomas Kalnoky
♫♫: "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback
♪♫♫: You know what? I could go on forever with songs that describe how I feel about him. We'll leave it at that :)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who would rather be blissfully ignorant.

Okay, first order of business:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just turned 15. Had an amazing day, and I couldn't be happier!!!
Ash got me a bracelet. I don't think I'll be taking it off any time soon, it's very pretty :). He hung out with me all afternoon and came out to dinner with my parents and I, it was just a really, really great day. I'm really falling for this kid.

There's a catch, though. Isn't there always?

As much as I love Ash, I feel almost...hesitant? I think? Like I love snuggling with him, and hearing him say he loves me, but in the back of my mind there's a little voice going, "Yeah, well, Sal said that too and then broke up with you an hour later. This kid could too.". In my heart, I know I can trust him, but that friggin' voice just unsettles me every time. It's not fair!! I shouldn't lose faith in every guy just because of stupid Sal.

So I told Ash this. I'm honest with him. And he just cuddled me and said that he would never do that (i did warn him 'never' is a difficult promise to keep...) and that he loves me, and really wants this to work out, and I can trust him. He said he wanted to prove it to me, and that all he needs is a chance.

Remember my rant about chances? ;)

So I say to hell with the little voice. I found a guy who is so sweet, so thoughtful, and so dedicated that he stayed up until midnight to wish me happy birthday on my Facebook wall and then 2:30am drawing a picture of us and my favorite Pokemon :). It's a really cute drawing too, I have it hanging up on my board and when I look at it it makes me smile :) :) :). And if he makes me happy, why should I be worried? I trust him, I really do.

And because of that, it was indeed a very happy birthday :D.

P.S. Sal got me raspberry-filled Lindt chocolate (faveee), some cute chopsticks, and scented rocks (i lurrrve aromatherapy). It was nice of him :).

♪: "What's Left of Me" by Nick Lachey
♫: "Innocence" by Avril Lavigne

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who doesn't know everything.

I never said I did. I mean, every teen would like to think they know everything, but we don't.
Not to say we're stupid. We still know more than adults would like to give us credit for.

Ash and I are official, by the way, as of last Wednesday. :).
I had an amazing night last night. Ash is just one of those people I can spend hours and hours with and it's still not enough time. We went for a walk around the woods in the back of my house, then my other friends came over for a game of Manhunt, and it was just a really fantastic evening. I couldn't have imagined better if I tried.

And now I'm re-evaulating my qualifications for "love". Because see, when I'm Ash, it's this amazing feeling...where all I want is him, all I can think is him, and all I want to do is see him smile. And that feeling...the only word for it is love. But we've only been dating for like, 5 days, so obviously it's not the real, deep kind of love that I felt for Sal when I was writing my old qualifications. If you don't remember, they were as follows:
-Do you trust them absolutely and completely with anything? Like would you put your life in their hands without a second thought?
-Do you care about them infinitely? As in, do you put their well-being and happiness before your own?
-Would you die for them?
Now before I had said, 'it's love when you can answer 'yes' to all three of those questions'. But I can't quite answer 'yes' to all of those, but I still feel in love. So instead of having to fufill all of those at once, I'm considering them levels.
So this first lovey-dovey cloud-9 deeper-than-crush is level 1. I can very easily promise that I trust Ash completely with my life. It's amazing how honest and open we are with each other. Then, somewhere along the line, I'll be able to surrender and confidently say that his well-being and happiness is infinitely more important than my own. Then, when the feeling is a real, true, deep emotion...when I get to the point where I have a physical need for Ash, where I wouldn't ever want to live without him, where I would die for him...that's level 3, and that's the truest, deepest kind of love. But it doesn't just happen. The other stuff has to come first, and it takes time.

But, for now, I'm completely happy in admitting that I may just be falling in love with Ash. :)

And it feels spectacular.


♪: "Pretend" by Scott Porter

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's back, baby!

I'M HAPPY.

And I mean it this time, like this happy is here to stay this time. Really :).

Remember the last post before Sal and I broke up? How I said that everything happens for a reason, that everything can change when you least expect it? And then we broke up and I tried not to be a hypocrite but I totally was?
Well. Let me tell you a story.
I was at the fair in town with Sal and some other friends and, as usual, I broke down crying with Rayne. It was just so difficult to see him and not be with him. At one point it just got so bad that I ditched all of them, found a nice tree to sit under, and I just sat there singing softly to myself and crying. Eventually another heartbroken friend of mine joined me and she listened while I had a panic attack. She, contrary to my wishes, went and got Sal. We talked for a while and I told him that I still had feelings and am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work again. The night ended with him saying, "I think you should move on."
Yeah. It sucked. So I went home, and like any depressed teenager, posted a sad status on Facebook. This guy who I kinda vaguely knew as a nice person but we had never really talked commented saying that if I ever needed to talk he'd be willing to listen. So I got his screenname, went on AIM, and pretty much emotionally vomited everything. He listened patiently, told me about his own heartbreak experience, and it was just kinda nice to have someone listen like that. That was mid-September. Since then we've been talking more and more every day and I really got to like him. Then yesterday, we went to the movies together, just us, and then hung out at my house. And yesterday night we admitted that we liked each other :).
Yeah, that's right, I like a guy. Who isn't Sal. This hasn't happened in over a year.

But it feels pretty freaking awesome.

And even though Sal has been acting funny around me lately, I honestly just don't care anymore. He and his friends have a habit of constantly excluding me, making me feel on the outer because I'm always doing something wrong. Whereas Ash doesn't. He likes me for who I am. And he listens to me, and I listen to him, and we like each other's music, and everything just feels so easy and natural around him. I'm not constantly worried about how I'm acting like with Sal nowadays. And honestly, even if Sal and I had ended up getting back together at the carnival that night, I still would have been afraid of doing something wrong that would make him leave me again. But with Ash, I can start fresh, and it's this totally amazing feeling.

So in the past like, 3 weeks, I have gone from:
Constantly crying uncontrollably->Constantly giggling uncontrollably
Checking my email for emails from Sal every 2 minutes->Talking to Ash for hours on end
Hanging out in a group with Sal being miserable->Watching Pokemon reruns with just Ash (yes, that is where i got the codename ;)) being happy
Being up late at night shaking with panic attacks, feeling like my heart was physically hurt->Being up late at night listening to songs Ash sent me and smiling until my face hurts
Wishing for something I can't have->Having something I would have never dared wish for.

So, I was right the first time when I said everything happens for a reason. And yeah, it's hard to believe that sometimes. But when you least expect it, magic can come down from the sky and make everything alright again. And although we aren't *officially* together yet, I'm so enjoying this anxious feeling. That feeling when you're just on the edge of a new crush and everything about him gives you butterflies and makes you smile and giggle...I feel like I'm 11 again!
And I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

"I believe in pink.
I belive laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing; kissing a lot.
I belive in being strong when everthing else seems to be going wrong.
I believe that the happiest girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day;
and i believe in miracles."
-Audrey Hepburn

Lots of songs today...
♪: "Catch Me" by Demi Lovato
♫: "Pretend" by Scott Porter and the Glory Dogs (Bandslam)
♪♫: "It's a Wonderful Life" by Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution
♫♫: "The Remedy" by Jason Mraz
♫♫♪: "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade

Oh! And!

Happy October!!
It's my favorite month. Magical things happen in October :).

Song for the Sitch

It's all I really have to say :). I wouldn't say "never", being honest, but still. I love the second verse :)

"Pretend" by Scott Porter and the Glory Dogs (Bandslam)

Say, won't you stay; we can talk about nothing at all
We'll sit here and make up the words as we go along

The games, we could play
Maybe silently write us a song
Quietly shout from the roof that we don't belong

They told me baby she's crazy a little like you
Everyone said you were nothing but trouble and
All that I know is that I've never been here before
And no I'll never leave, if it's alright with you
Dreaming of oceans while jumping in puddles and
All of my life I pretend you where there by the door
I don't need to pretend any more.

Strange, oh so strange
When it feels better being alone
You except there is nobody else and set it in stone
And then you, came along
Your reflection was so sad it's wrong
You made me believe once again that I could be wrong.

They told me baby she's crazy a little like you
Everyone said you were nothing but trouble and
All that I know is that I've never been here before...
And no I'll never leave, if it's alright with you
Dreaming of oceans while jumping in puddles and
All of my life I pretend you where there by the door
I don't need to pretend any more.

And it hurts, to know, there was somebody out there as strange and
As beautiful, as you
If I know, sooner

Maybe she's crazy a little like you
Everyone said you were nothing but trouble
All that I know is that I've never been here before
And no I'll never leave, if it's alright with you
Dreaming of oceans while jumping in puddles and
All of my life I pretend you where there by the door
I don't need to pretend any more.

I don't need to pretend anymore
I don't need to pretend anymore.

:) things are looking up.

(yes, that is a reference to paramores new amazing album ;))(but it's also true.)

The Axiomatic Musings of aTeen who's been busy ;)

Hokay. So.

Between school and Sal stuff, it's been hard to find free time. Not like anyone reads this that religiously anyway, but still ;). I do apologize for the long gaps between posts. Try not to die of suspense.

Today I'm going to discuss my view on chances. I was talking about it to a new friend of mine (codename Ash) earlier and I think it's worth mentioning on here.
EVERYONE DESERVES ONE.
Everyone, and everything, deserves a chance. Sometimes even a second chance, if they prove they have earned it. See, my stance is this: With everything out there, it was invented, and wasn't annihilated as soon as it was, because someone, somewhere, at some point, liked it. And if that someone somewhere at some point found something about it appealing, who's to say you won't too? Closing your mind is ignorant and stupid. Don't do it. Don't bash an entire project because you don't like one aspect of it. Music, especially, deserves to be tried. Don't say you hate all of a genre. If someone reccomends you a song, try it out, even if its unfamiliar to you. You just might like it. I know I used to bash heavy metal (pun intended ;)) until last year when one of my friends turned me on to Metallica, and I actually liked some of their stuff (Judas Kiss FTW!). Changing your mind doesn't mean you were ever wrong, it means you have the ability to adapt, and that's a good thing.
People, most of all, deserve a chance. Everyone out there has something special about them. Maybe you don't see it now, maybe once you do you won't think it's very special at all. But you have to at least take a minute to find out what it is. Once you've given something a shot, bash it all you want, at least you have an experience to base it on. But to just block someone out, without even trying to make something work, is just cruel.
And it will only ever lead to "What If"'s.

"Above all, remember that the most imporatnt thing you can take anywhere is not a Gucci bag or French-cut jeans; it's an open mind."

♪: "World of Chances" by Demi Lovato

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who needs an escape.

We all do, really.

Terribly sorry it's been a while since a post. School just started and with AP US history I don't have much free time. Sophomore year so far is going...well I can't say good, missing Sal is driving me insane and my 6 year old dog was put down today for cancer, but the actual classes part is actually pretty decent. I like most of my teachers, and my schedule is convenient.

But regardless, shit happens and we all need ways to cope with it. I've recently discovered I can do that through songwriting. Since Sal and I broke up, I'd thought about writing a couple songs, but never really finished because they just didn't feel that right to me. The other day though, after struggling trying to put something together that rhymed well and had a good beat, I just stopped. And I took one of my favorite dismal chord progressions (Em, Cadd9, G, D, Em for anyone who's interested) and I just started singing out how i felt. Then it all just came together. I ended up finishing it yesterday, and I really really like the song. It's a little difficult to play without crying, but it really helps make the emotions more tolerable.

So what I'm saying here is that sometimes, when everything just seems so confusing, is to just take a minute and be honest with your feelings. Then do something with them. Write a poem, a song, a concerto, a journal entry, anything that can help you just kind of get the feelings out and define them. Once they're a little more definite and pinned down, you can start dealing with them a little better and they're a little less intimidating. Everyone is entitled to a sappy love song or depressing poem once in a while. Doesn't matter if no one else reads it but you. You deserve an escape from the world sometimes.

Let your creativity and emotions flow at the same time, and you'll always end up with something amazing.

♪: "Real World" by Matchbox 20
♫: "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift
♪♫: "Not Titled Yet" by Moi :)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who cut her hair and got red highlights.

Because I FELT like it :).

Since the whole thing with Sal I think I've changed and matured a lot mentally, so I wanted to change my appearance too--I wanted to be a whole new me for the new school year. The old me missed Sal like crazy and was pathetic about it. The new me...well, I still kinda miss Sal like crazy but I'm a lot more positive about it now ;). That can be attributed to both Dana and Devon (mentioned him before, the ex-turned-bff) just listening to my endless ranting and also my own mercurial personality. When I'm in that kind of a funk I just need something to click and I can change my mind about it. Until that click though, nothing really helps. Wait, what was I talking about before? Right. Change.
We all go through changes of personality and feelings and opinions. That's our job as teenagers, do that until you fall upon something that sticks. I believe due to that we also have every right to change our looks too. Granted, some things are just bad ideas (like if I were to get every inch of my face pierced and wear goth clothes) but when it comes to stuff like hair, I say go for it! Experiment! Try something you wouldn't have dreamed of before!
Sal thinks it's silly. He thinks it's kind of a rebellious thing (which it is, in a way, against my old self) and doesn't believe in doing things out of the sake of rebellion. He thinks it's important to be oneself and not try and change yourself.

Well I didn't change myself. He changed myself. I'm just going along with it ;).

I believe if you want to play around with your looks, you're entitled to. Hell, even if you don't want to, you should. Go for something you haven't tried before. I always thought long hair was prettier on girls than short hair, so i kept mine shoulder length or longer despite it was horribly split ends and frizzy and looked dreadful. I also never liked bangs. But last December, I just wanted a change. I went for a short, layered look with bangs (so when I flipped the ends out, it looked a little like Alice Cullen but a tad longer) and it looked great! I have no intention of growing my hair out any time soon, short hair suits me a lot better than long. But see, I wouldn't have discovered that if I didn't take the leap.

So take the leap, try something new, let your appearance be a reflection of you :).
That was corny. Whatever, I'm just saying that changes can be fun xD.

♪: "Tell Me Why" by Taylor Swift::"And I know that you see what you're doing to me; tell me why."
♫: "Just Yet" by an anonymous, unsigned singer.
♪♫: "When We Die" by Bowling for Soup

Lotsa songs, prolly shoulda done a SFTS xD

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who finds solace in the places she'd least expect.

Remember how I was going to use that as a title about Jack but ended up bundling him in with another post? Well I have another person I can use it for now who deserves a post all to herself :).

Her [code]name is Dana. She's the ex of another of my friends, Keith. Their relationship ended similarly to mine and Sal's, where everything was perfect until the stupid #&@$ broke it off randomly. We aren't exactly best friends, and I wasn't sure what would happen if I did this (she never seemed particularly the warm-and-fuzzy type to me), but I thought I'd Facebook-Inbox her to see if she had any advice for surviving that kind of breakup.

And boy did she ever :D.

You know the saying 'you can't tell a book by its cover'? Well first of all it's wrong, you can read the inside flap of the cover to figure out if you like the book. Metaphorically though, it applies here ;). Dana at first look is a softball-playing tough chick. That's why it surprised me when she started opening up about another of her breakups (pre-Keith, which was much worse) and how she dealt with that. It was eye opening, I didn't think I'd find those kind of feelings in someone as seemingly tough as her. She went through a lot of the same endless crying I did and understands that feeling when non-single friends just don't get stuff. I confirmed that it would continue to suck for a while, but got some good advice about not being afraid to be alone. She offered her cell phone number if I ever needed someone to talk to.

And I think that's just spiffy.

It's so nice to know that even when girls don't know each other that well, they can still bond and be supportive about how stupid guys are ;). It's a comfort to know that there's someone there who understands me a little better than some of my other friends because of our similar experiences. Maybe it's a little schadenfreude to say this too, but I do feel a little better knowing, as I said on the very first post after Sal and I broke up, that it definitely could be worse. But if i now know someone who has been through worse, and can offer me some advice from hindsight, then maybe I've made something good come out of her experience--she just comforted another heartbroken girl. (And recruited someone else if she ever wants to launch an assassination on the non-Keith ex. Seriously, that guy should not be permitted to live on the same Earth as me.)

Us double-X chromosomes gotta stick together ;).

♪: "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne

Songs for the Sitch

I am so f%^@ing confused right now in my brain that I don't trust myself to talk about my feelings. I'll let lyrics do that for me. Songs are embedded at the bottom if you're interested in listening.

"You're Not Sorry" by Taylor Swift

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before

"Broken Heart" by Motion City Soundtrack

I’ll start this broken heart
I’ll fix it up so it will work again
Better than before
Then I’ll star in a mystery
A tragic tale of all that’s yet to come
Fingers crossed there will be love

But I get carried away with every day
And every fantasy
The deeper the wound,
The harder I swoon and wish that that was me
There's so much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it
You have to get used to it

I’ll devise the best disguise
A brand new look and take them by surprise
They’ll never guess what’s not inside
I’ll express myself with ease,
With confidence and character complete
With fingers crossed, they’ll talk to me

But I get carried away with every page
In every magazine
The cheaper the thrill,
the deeper I fill my head with blasphemy
There's so much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it
You have to get used to it

I’ll destroy this useless heart
I’ll fuck it up so it’ll never beat again
Not just for me but for anyone

But I get carried away
With every phrase and made up malady
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate
There's so much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
You never get used to it
You just have to live with it

"White Horse" by Taylor Swift

Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
My mistake I didnt know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings;
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse,
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

"Before the Storm" by Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas

Miley:
I'm standing out in the rain
I need to know if it's over
Cause I will leave you alone
Nick:
Flooded with all this pain
Knowing that I'll never hold her
Both:
Like I did before the storm (yeah)
Before the storm

Nick:
With every strike of lightning
Miley:
Comes a memory that lasts
Both:
And not a word is left unspoken
As the thunder starts to crash
Miley:
Maybe I should give up.

"Pushin' Me Away" by the Jonas Brothers

Stop.
Tell me the truth,
Cuz I am so confused.
I'm spinning round, these walls are falling down and I need you.
More than you know,
I'm not letting go.
Take my hand and please just tell me why
You're pushing me away, every last word every single thing you say.
Pushing me away, try and stop me now but it's already too late.
Pushing me away, if you really don't care then say it to my face.
Pushing me away,
Push, push, you're pushing me away.

"My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne

It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared,
And making me feel like I was the only one.
It's nice to know we had it all,
Thanks for watching as I fall,
And letting me know we were done.
He was everything, everything that I wanted.
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it.
All of the memories so close to me just fade away.
All this time you were pretending,
So much for my happy ending.

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The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who likes playgrounds.

Because playgrounds are FUN.
I don't care how old I am, there's still nothing quite like the feeling of climbing to the top of the jungle gym and looking out at the world beneath.

I think lots of teens are like that too. Or at least the ones that I know. See, across from my high school, instead of there being an arcade or cool cafe or something, there is a playground. And it's a pretty flipping awesome one. It used to be all wooden with lots of cool hiding places and tire swings and metal slides that burnt your butt if you wore shorts, but a year or 2 ago they tore it down (*sniff*) and built a new plastic one. Which part of me is sad about (no one likes losing childhood memory sites) and the other part of me things is AWESOME. Not because of the actual playscape per se, it's not actually that great, but there's this giant rope webbish thing which is perfect for hanging out on and climbing and feeling like a ninja :).

Playgrounds are not only a great way to meet new kids to babysit, but I think everyone has a soft spot for climbing on stuff. And why not?

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional ;).

[[Note: Comments are welcome, people! :)]]

<--I'm the one in lilac. You know, outside of the main group ;). P.S. Sal got back today. Whoop-de-freakin-doo. I'm not totally sure why i'm becoming so mad now, I guess I just thought a lot without his pretty eyes to distract me this week. And without pretty eyes to distract me I realized how pissed I am. Ah well. I'll survive. My poor pillow-slash-punching-bag might not xD.

♪: "That's Just The Way We Roll" by Jonas Brothers



♫: "I Can Do Better" by Avril Lavigne

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who ACTUALLY ENJOYS TWILIGHT.

[Apologies for no post in a while! I've been hanging out with my friends a lot :)]

Yeah, I like Twilight. I like the books and I liked the movie. Sue me.

I've been wanting to do this rant for a while because it's something I really find annoying. I'm getting really sick of Twi-haters. Any time I feel like making my facebook status Twilight related, I'm bombarded with hate comments telling me how stupid it is and how poorly written it is, etc.
IT'S GETTING OLD.
See, teens like to fit in. But, almost as much as they like to fit in, teens like to feel smug about sticking out. We take a sense of pride in being able to say, "i don't like what all the sheep like because that makes me original". It's part of the reason I don't wear Hollister brand (other than the fact it's ridiculously expensive and not even that pretty). That's all well and good. If you feel proud and smug about that, GREAT!
Don't bother me about it.
Keep it to yourself, really. If you want to make yourself feel important, go ahead and hate Twilight. But it's downright rude and disrespectful to rub it in other people's faces. Because by telling someone, "You like Twilight, but I don't, because I'm not a sheep" you're effectively saying that the other person is a sheep. And that's just not nice. This doesn't just go for Twilight haters but for any other obnoxious people out there. Cut it out.

Let us Twi-Hards live in peace :).

P.S. If you're wondering about Sal, I am too. He's in Arizona and hasn't called me since Thursday. WHATEVER. Today would have been 11 months. WHAT-FREAKING-EVER.

♪: "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen whose life is average.

Well, maybe not always, but still. I am developing a love of that website.

I mentioned the "I Love You" text fad previously. Now however that the website itself is discouraging the texting, MLIAers are finding different ways of spreading the love. I read stories about girls who made signs and stood on street corners, people who shouted it in crowded malls, etc.

That's amazing. People recognize the phrase too from the website, according to the stories. It's cool that you can find someone anywhere who has something in common with you. In fact, I find that well above average. I think that's freaking awesome. But, of course, I won't mention that, because we're all very happy knowing we're average together ;). It's great that a band of random internet geeks can make the world a little more full of love. If i ever actually get a following on this blog, I'll start a catchphrase like that, so these readers can feel a sort of bond too.

Keep spreadin' the love and livin' average lives, guys :D.

♪: "Kids In America" by Kim Wilde (more specifically, kids in america with average lives ;))

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who payed it forward.

I love making people happy.
It's something I've loved doing since I was a little kid. I mean, why wouldn't I? I love when random strangers say/do things to make me happy.

At a grade campout/week-long fieldtrip in 6th grade, I slept in a dorm thing with a bunch of my girl classmates. Every morning, I'd be waken up by a teacher, then I'd walk around to all of the other rooms, knock, and when someone answered, I'd say good morning to everyone in the room very cheerily, then on to the next room, etc. I wasn't even friends with most of the girls, but there was always at least one girl in the room who appreciated it, and that made it worthwhile.

So today, I was at the mall. I was walking around and sneezed. A random guy walking near me said, "Bless you." I thanked him and felt appreciated. Then I went to the bathroom, and while I was drying my hands, the girl at the next hand-dryer had very pretty teal sandals. I told her I liked them, and she smiled and seemed like she felt appreciated. Then, when I got back to the hotel, my Swedish Fish (one of my all-time fave candies) got stuck in the vending machine. A hotel worker was walking by, so I told him and he shook the machine for me (risking injury...2,500 people die a year from vending machine accidents. no, seriously.) and got my fishies. Then as i left the lobby, a man held the door for me. It felt so very nice to be treated kindly by random strangers. I knew though, that I would be staying in my room the rest of the evening, so I couldn't pay it forward anymore.
So, I made a sign. It's on lined paper, and all it says is, "Hi! I hope you're having a wonderful day! :)" and stuck it on the window in my bedroom that leads to a sort of walkway, so as people walk by they'll read it.
Then, I went to mylifeisaverage.com (love that site, btw) and heard all about this new "text 'i love you' to a random number" craze. I think it's really cute, so I texted a random number saying that i hoped they have an awesome day (I love you is a bit creepy, and i'm very serious about only saying that when I mean it). I hope it makes someone smile. Maybe it's someone who is recently single like me, and they could use any support they get. Maybe it's someone who just got the job of their dreams even in this economy, maybe it's someone who just got home from Iraq. Maybe it's someone sitting at their computer bored.

Whoever it is, I may have just made them smile.

The littlest things can brighten someone's day. It doesn't take a lot to be a good person.

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who probably won't watch Idol next season.

For one, the show is getting old anyway.
For two, now there's no crackhead to make fun of :(.

This is just a quick little blurb about my stance on the Paula Abdul not being on Idol thing. I think it's too bad, she's been there since the beginning and she's always funny and fun to make fun of, plus I love her outfits. I don't know why they didn't just get rid of Kara, I can not stand her at ALL, she can talk for hours about nothing because she just loves the sound of her own voice. Regardless, it's too bad. I don't think the show will be the same.

And if anyone agrees with me, maybe we can boycott the show and do something productive on Tuesday nights instead, like read :D. I think this preoccupation with what celebrities are doing every second of the day is silly anyway.

Also, another quick blurb, YAY FOR BILL CLINTON GETTING THE JOURNALISTS OUT OF NORTH KOREA!! I have no idea who gave him the right to go over there and do that when he isn't President anymore and it's none of his buisness, but either way, i'm happy for the girls :).

And a quick note on the Sal thing (unless you're getting sick of this), I'm pulling a G. Wash. Takin out a policy of isolation until I can rebuild my own infrastructure :).

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is a friend.

One of my other friends, Joe, just went through a break up too. Lovely time of year, huh?

And i've been talking to him. Over Facebook, because he moved to Japan last summer. I knew him mostly through Sal and Fred, and he's a very nice kid. He hated me for virtually no reason for the first few months he met me, but we've come to an understanding and are now very nice to each other.
That's why when i heard about him and his girlfriend, I inboxed him to tell him I was here for him. I told him about Sal and I (he hadn't heard, and he seemed as upset about it as i was) and he told me what happened with his girlfriend. She said she "wasn't ready for a boyfriend" and seemed like she wanted Joe to wait. I replied to Joe this:
"it's cruel of kylie to ask you to do that. focus on your own happiness in the meantime, joe. if something happens and she's ready for you later, and you are too, maybe it'll work out. if not, then just be happy on your own account."

....then I realized that's the exact same advice Fred has been giving me for the past few days. In a way, Joe and I are kinda in the same boat, where both of our signifo's (me-speak for significant others) still want to be friends, but don't want to be in a relationship right now. And what I told him is exactly what I need to be doing. It's hard, definitely, because I feel a tad hypocritical because I can't stop thinking about Sal and it's destroying me, but i realize that maybe I should be practicing what I preach. If i can show Joe that I can be happy, then maybe he'll know that there's hope too. It's all I can do right now to try and enjoy my vacation, i just can't freaking stop thinking, about him, about what could have been, about why, about how unfair it is to me...I'm going into a kind of angry phase now, where I feel angry at him that he made me so upset I can't enjoy my vacation, that he's fine at home while i'm miserable, that he expects me to just forget it all and be friends. But I can't really be angry at him because most of that is my state of mind, too. So maybe I'll follow my own advice and focus on my own happiness, say screw him, and maybe it'll work. It's a logical solution, that's why I advised it to Joe.

Maybe the best way to get advice is to give it to other people.
Maybe the best way to help yourself is to help a friend.

♪: "Broken Heart" by Motion City Soundtrack (a very honest break up song, not exactly cheery but relatable)
♫: "Lost In Your Own Life" by Alexa Vega. I'm here for ya, Joe.

[[apologies for not embedding the music in posts right now, I don't have the time to search and embed right now. i'll get back to it once i get back home]]

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who hasn't lost all hope.

He loves me.
He freaking still loves me.
In accordance with my qualifications, anyway, and it doesn't sound like it's complete sisterly love just yet. I asked him and he loves me.
My god, i can't believe how relieved I am. I mean, i know he probably doesn't intend to get back together until he's had his own "experiences" and whatnot, but holy crud, he still loves me. I still have someone who cares that deeply about me.
Nothing's really changed, I just feel a little better now. Maybe it's cuz my heart still would like to think there's a chance. I won't push it. He can do whatever he needs to do, as long as I know i still have that strong, special kind of bond with him, cuz it means he won't be able to get me out of his life any time soon.
I'm going to bed smiling now. I'll try to wake up that way.

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who adores P-Town

Provincetown, Massachusetts, is freaking fabulous.
I can say that because it is both full of gay people and because it's just such a cool place.

I feel like I should mention my stance on homosexuality because it's kinda a hot topic nowadays (thanks, Miss Cali). I myself am obviously straight (Sal is not short for Sally. I like dudes.) but I support love in all forms. I mean, a small part of me that has been indoctrinated by my snooty small town kind of has a 'people-that-arent-like-me' radar. Then the much larger thespian part of me says, 'who cares?? they're fun!'. As a theater dork, I love gay guys. They're so much fun to be in productions with, because they're such good listeners and so funny and just fun to hang out with. I haven't had any actual experience with lesbians, but I'm sure they're nice too. I just think love in itself is such a wonderful thing that I could never shun someone for being a part of it, no matter who the love is with. Personally, I don't even know how someone could consider hating people for being in love just because they don't follow that person's template. A state of mind, i suppose, but completely incomprehensible to me. Maybe they're jealous that gay people can be happier than themselves. I, on the other hand, appreciate happy people.
And P-Town is FULL of happy people :D.
As soon as you hit the main drag (pun intended? ;)) there are red convertibles blasting Rihanna all over the place. Homemade icecream parlors are plentiful and there's tons of cool places to get jewelry and gifts. It's a great place to hang out on a windy and cloudy but warm afternoon when it's not nice enough to hang out on the beach. Most people are really friendly, which my mom loved, she could strike up a conversation with anyone and instead of AHC like our hometown, people were just as warm in return. It's refreshing. I wanted to get a ring while I was there. We ended up going into a nice little jewelry store (I wish i could remember the name to advertise for them. All i remember is it's close to The Purple Feather [which is way overpriced for gelato, fyi] and it's kinda set back from the road and there's a counter on the left side when you enter where you pay and they lady was really friendly). I found a beautiful little sterling silver ring with a leaf design on it that I fell in love with and bought.
I like the idea of leaves. They can die but are always replaced. They embody growth; in spring they can go from buds to big leaves overnight. Never moving backwards. Besides, I love when the leaves change in fall. So I got the ring. It's going to be one of the pieces of jewelry I don't take off. I had one of those last year; I bought it after breaking up with my first love, Devon (we're still friends :)) and it was a beautiful ring with butterflies and leaves on it that my mom bought me in a little boutique because she felt sorry for me. I lost it about 5 months later and was devastated...I loved that ring, it still makes me sad that I could never find it. I was sure i left it on my makeup desk, but could never find it no matter how hard I looked. Since then, my only other ring I've been wearing was one i got as a party favor at a grad party for a senior i knew from the drama department in the beginning of this summer. It's a little plastic one that says "Friends". I like to keep it on to remind me that I can always depend on my friends, if nothing else. It looks out of place now next to this elegant silver ring, but I like it. They make up the 2 sides of me; the elegant refined one and the fun relaxed friendly one. A girl's jewelry always has meaning. If you have a friend with a necklace or ring or bracelet they always wear, as her someday where she got it. She'll have a story, and you might learn a little something about her that you didn't know before or wouldn't have expected. Just try it.

Anyway, bottom line, i had a great day today. Although Sal crossed my mind a little more frequently than I would have liked, I pushed anything that might bring me down straight out of my mind. I think being able to email him this morning helped. Hopefully I'll get to talk to him later too.

Stay fabulous :).

♪: "So What" by P!nk (it was playing in one of the stores we walked by really loudly and got stuck in my head ;))

Songs for the Sitch ♪

Sitch being short for "sitchieation", sitchieation being me-speak for "situation". Sometimes there are too many, or I just want the specific lyric that I like, to put in the regular blog post, so I shall make a new post like this. [[note: see previous post for the sitchieations these songs apply to]]

Current songs for the sitch:

And I'm holding on, I'm holding out
And I figure that I
Figure that I just might make it
And I'm waking empty but seldom sleeping
And the words repeat breathing histories
Into stories untold but I unfold
-"Unfold" by Jason Mraz

I'm outside of you, and I'm so confused...
~
You're overlooking the beauty that's dying inside me; can't you see?
-"Outside of You" by Hillary Duff

You know you have to go through hell before you get to heaven
-"Jet Airliner" by Steve Miller Band

Everything was everything, but everything is over;
Everything could be everything, if only we were older.
I guess it's just a silly song about you,
And how I lost you and your brown eyes.
-"Brown Eyes" by Lady Gaga

If it's a broken part, replace it.
If it's a broken arm, then brace it.
If it's a broken heart, then face it.
And hold your own,
Know your name,
And go your own way.
Hold your own,
Know your name,
And go your own way,
And everything will be fine.
-"Details In The Fabric" by Jason Mraz

It takes some fears to make you trust,
It takes some tears to make it rust,
It takes the rust to have it polished, yeah.
Ha, la, la lalala life is wonderful,
Ha, la la lalala life goes full circle...
-"Life Is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz

Guess I should leave this behind
Guess I should erase and rewind
But somehow I can't seem to stay away
I don't want to sound desperate but I am
So say that you'll come around
Guess I should erase and rewind.
-"Erase and Rewind" by Ashley Tisdale

What if I need you baby?
Would you even try to save me?
Or would you find some lame excuse
To never be true
What if I said I loved you?
Would you be the one to run to?
Or would you watch me walk away
Without a fight?
-"What If" by Ashley Tisdale

You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading;
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is.
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is.
-"A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who can't decide if she loves Jason Mraz or the beach more

This is gonna be a long post, just to warn you, I have a lot to say :D.

To begin, I feel like I should give you an update on how I'm coping with the single-ness thing.
I'm not, really. It sucks. I keep feeling like I'm about to break down and cry, mornings are horrible, I keep imagining futile fantasies where he tells me he was stupid and takes me back, and I'm constantly skipping songs on my iTouch because they remind me too much of him. I have absolutely no appetite in the mornings, and not usually for lunch. By dinner my tummy usually wins out my heart. It's a miserable, miserable, horribly pathetic way to be and I hate myself for it but I just can't seem to shake myself out of this funk. Also I do apologize for loading this blog up with New Moon-esque depressing insights instead of witty musings, but I just really need to get this stuff off my chest and there isn't really anyone else to talk to. Fred is in Iowa without wifi, telling Sal would only make him feel bad or guilty (and no matter how much he's hurt me, I still can never hurt him). I just wish we could have just a long time to be alone and talk about everything, just getting it all out until there are no more misunderstandings and guessings and we're both on the same page understanding each other. I'll admit, talking to him and emailing him really cheers me up, it's like old times, where we'll just make each other laugh and enjoy the conversation. There are more silences now though, and I can't break them with "I love you!" like before. I mean, I could, but that would be odd. I do still love him. I don't know if he still loves me. I wish with all my heart that he does, god I don't know what I'd do if I knew he didn't...but I don't know if he does and I don't have the guts to ask him in case I get an answer I don't like. It's the kind of thing where I'd love to know if he did, but I'd hate to know if he didn't. And even if he did, what am I supposed to make of that? It would make me happy, certainly, but would it lead me on if he doesn't intend to get back together any time soon? And I don't think he does, so I'm trying to give him space, but I still enjoy talking to him, and I don't want to seem clingy or whiney...Gah. Are all break-ups this hard?? The only other experiences I've had either don't count (1x) or I've been the one deciding to/causing the break up (2x). I don't know. All I know is this sucks and I want so much to be happy but I don't know how I can. Every time something makes me smile, I remember a time when Sal did the same thing to make me smile. It's just bad. alsdjvaeliufaweiuasd fml.

Okay! Now happier things!

This mini-section, had it been the entire post, would have been titled "...Teen who finds solace in the strangest places". Just saying.
See, I've had this sorta-friend since 7th grade. A guy, of course, girl friendships in my life generally don't last that long. His name is Jack (well, his code-name is) and he's an interesting kid. He's not exactly good-looking yet (but he has the bone structure and nice blue eyes to be potentially very attractive once he gets more confidence) but he's got such a cool personality that I can't help enjoying his company (I repeat, enjoying his company. I'm not gonna even be considering romance for a longgg time). He also takes Latin, and was in my Bio class this year as well as One Acts (a theater thing at my school, entirely student-run) and he's both very smart and a very funny actor. I started emailing him when I finished the last Star Wars movie (inside joke) because I wanted to tell him I was an official nerd now that I had seen all the series. Since then, we've been emailing back and forth about One Acts next year and just other random stuff. I mentioned that Sal and I were just friends and "that's why I'm not using my normal volume of exclamation points and emoticons". So when he replied back, he said he was sorry for me and then at the end added a p.s. with a bunch of exclamation points and emoticons to make up for it. It's the stupidest, most trivial thing, but it just made me smile because it was so unexpected but just showed that someone out there gave a hoot. It's nice. I mean, it's one thing to comment on the changed FB relationship status saying sorry, but something extra like that is just nice. I urge everyone reading this to do soemthing like that. The next time you have the chance to do something stupidly trivial but sensitive and kind for someone like that, please do. It's just such a nice little break in the clouds.

Next, i feel the need to tell you in very large, bolded, colored letters that
I LOVE JASON MRAZ BECAUSE HE IS EASILY ONE OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND PROBABLY OTHER UNIVERSES BECAUSE HE IS JUST INCREDIBLY AMAZING.
See, I went to his concert yesterday, and it was flipping spectacular. The opening acts (Ka'naan and G. Love and Special Sauce) were alright, but Jason was surreal. He got the entire crowd involved singing along and dancing. He'd have sections sing, like "Just the ladies! Just the guys! Just the short people!!" and other funny things. The music was phenomenal, he did songs that aren't on his albums, like "Three Little Birds" and "All Night Long". Then, at one point, he got off the stage and left, and some people left thinking it was over--not likely! He went to the very back of the floor seating, right in front of our section at the back of the arena, and sang a couple songs there!! It was great!! We went from being in the back, to being 14 rows away from the Jason Mraz! I just thought that was so cool of him, to try and connect with all of the audience, not just those who were lucky enough to get front row seats. He sang some of my favorites like Details in the Fabric (probably my all-time favorite song) but not ones like Curbside Prophet and Wordplay, which was surprising. However, I appreciate that he did his new songs. I remember being pissed that Avril sang Complicated at her concert with the Jonas Brothers last year, because I wanted to hear her new album. So i think that was cool too. I didn't end up getting home until after midnight so i'm absolutely shot today, but it was worth it. I felt really truely happy the entire time despite Sal. The feeling of chanting "hold your own, know your name, go your own way" as well as "every little thing is gonna be all right" with 5,000 other people and your musical idol is brainwashing. You can't not feel good. I was impressed with his range too. Some of the songs he'd say, "Just the ladies!" and sing really low, then "just the guys!" and have an amazing strong falsetto. As a singer I really admire that. So I definitely reccomend catching one of the shows on the Gratitude Cafe tours if you can, it's a really great time.

I'm on vacation right now in Cape Cod. It's a timeshare we go to every year (although we've been screwed by it before, timeshare is really not as great as it sounds when you start out) and there's a nice beach. When we arrived here after 5 very long, grueling hours in traffic for a trip that's usually 3-4 hours, we went straight to the beach and I went for a swim.
I love swimming in the ocean. The water was so warm and inviting. The only thing I don't like is the crabs. Mom got nipped by one on her toe and it bled, musta been a really big crab. I escaped them this time, luckily, but I still have kind of an irrational phobia of them. Moths, too, but that's a different story. Mom swam with me for a little while but after that she went back and I just floated along calmly. The water wasn't very deep and currents weren't too strong, so I just laid on my back and let the waves bounce me up and down. It was really relaxing, to have something else controlling me than my emotions. The waves decided when I was up and down, and there was nothing I could do about it. There was no point fighting it, so I didn't, and I just relaxed and watched my toes pop up and down from the water. It put me in a nicer mood. Then we came back to the unit and had some delicious homemade and freshly grilled hamburgers-yum! I hope I'll be able to let go of Sal long enough to have some fun this vacation.

I shall hold my own, know my name, and go my own way. Because that's what Jason Mraz would want if he read this blog :)

♪: see next newest post

<- Jason and a whale with a guitar :D <-no zoom. shows the perspective of our seats, where he went to halfway through the show, and where the stage is. <-Singing "Lucky" with one of the managers of the Gratitude Cafe in San Fransisco

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who won't be a hypocrite

Well. Um. How do i put this.

Sal broke up with me. Basically. For reasons I barely understand (or rather, I understand the reason, I just have no idea how it makes sense as a good reason, but whatever) and would rather not go into, he decided he'd rather just be friends for now.
I took it pretty hard.
Last night I cried harder than I have in a very long time. It's just...this gut-wrenching sense of loss and emptiness. I'd keep going over what he said in my mind and it felt like someone was punching me in the diaphragm. Of course, once it was on Facebook, I was getting comments from all my friends saying they hope I felt better, but it was little consolation. The only real consolation was after I got back from Sal's house (yes, he did have the balls to do it in person, thank goodness for his sake) I invited Fred over for dinner. He always helps me feel better (again, though, ITS NOT LIKE THAT. He's like a brother). He was as surprised as I was, and had little inspiration to offer as to a cause. Regardless, that cheered me up until he left and i was reduced to a sobbing fetal position. *Sigh*

He made it clear that he isn't interested in dating other people just yet, and that he definitely still wants me as a friend. And after today when we talked I'm convinced he still cares about me, that's what so f^&*ing confusing. Psh. Guys. xP.

BUT! HAVE NO FEAR!!

Because, if you'd just scroll down a tad, you'll see that 3 days ago I was writing on this very topic about how there's always hope and to never give up because everything can change. So inbetween my still continuing (but less frequent) bouts of bawling, I shall stay positive and be happy with what i have. It could be worse, he could have cheated on me with his cousin or turned gay. But this was just a simple changing of status that takes some time getting used to. I won't lie, I'm far from over it, and I'm using every eyelash wish i get for a second chance, but even if that doesn't happen, I'll find a way to be happy as his friend because that's what's making him happy. That's what happens when you love a person, their happiness is more important than your own.
Oh! This is a good time to tell you my 3 qualifications for love! It's basically the 3 questions you ask yourself and if you answer yes to all three then you can honestly say you love them. They are:
-Do you trust them absolutely and completely with anything? Like would you put your life in their hands without a second thought?
-Do you care about them infinitely? As in, do you put their well-being and happiness before your own?
-Would you die for them?
So that's my qualification system. And i do still love him, I can't deny that, so I do still put his happiness before my own, so I will find a way to deal with this because that's what he wanted and there isn't much I can do anyway.

So, again, I'm staying as positive as I can.

♪: "Breathe" by Taylor Swift
♫: "When We Die" by Bowling for Soup

Breathe - Taylor Swift

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who believes in second chances.

A year ago, Sal and I broke up.

We got back together 2 months later, but still. It was a landmark. I won't go into detail, but let's just say it was kinda messy, and mostly my fault. At first, i didn't regret it at all, i was sure i had lost all feelings for Sal. It took about 5 minutes the next time i saw him though for me to realize how stupid and wrong i was. When i finally did acknowledge that I still had feelings for him, though, he was already crushing on my best friend (a girl bff, not Fred xD). It was tough, but eventually love triumphed and we were back and happy as ever.

Today, we spent the day catching fish in the stream i mentioned before with Fred. We hung out there, keeping cool, before going out to icecream and then watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist. And it was wonderful. Everything about being with him now just seems so right, so perfect. I seriously could not be happier.

Showed me this blog post a year ago? I woulda said you were nuts.

But, we must always remember that amor omnia vincit. That's latin for 'love conquers all'. It's true. So for anyone heartbroken reading this, remember that there always is hope. Sure, some ex's are better left in the dust, but sometimes it's just a temporary rough patch that can be turned around in the space of a weekend. Don't give up. Ever.



♪: "When We Die" by Bowling for Soup

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who likes makeup

Not wearing makeup, though. Mainly cuz it's a pain in the butt to get off.

But I like the idea of helping other people look prettier. I also like the idea of being very knowledgeable about something (don't we all?). So after watching some of MichellePhan's makeup how-to's on youtube as well as reading Bobbi Brown's Makeup Manual, I was intrigued. I decided I want to stop just lathering stuff on my face until it looks good; I wanted to know what i was talking about and have the tools to really become good at makeup. So after inheriting some brushes from my mom, we went off to Macy's to pick up some pointers and possibly a couple more brushes.
The Lancome lady didn't have a clue about the questions i was asking her, and I ended up looking like a vampire with a black eye without gaining any kind of tips or pointers. However, as we were leaving, we saw a lady getting her makeup done by one of the MAC employees. She was explaining each step as she did it and the woman looked great!

Interesting thing though: after layering a bunch of concealer, foundation, primer, eyeshadow, blush, etc, Sarah (the MAC lady's name) made a comment like, "I'm not going to use eyeliner because we're going for a more natural look." I just found that hilarious. The makeup trend right now is to look like you aren't wearing makeup---by putting on as much makeup as possible. If the natural look is so appealing, can someone explain why we can't just not wear makeup on a day to day basis? (Although I can understand wanting to dress up for evenings and parties). It's much easier. But, society says we have to, so we do. Another one of those unspoken rules that don't make much sense.
I did end up going back to Sarah so she could do my makeup and I could learn how to apply stuff properly, which really explained a lot. No longer will i be one of those clueless teens with mascara out the wazoo and makeup lines that could divide countries! Huzzah!! :D

I shall do more pondering on this whole concept of "makeup". It seems like there's a lot more to it than meets the eyeliner.

♪: "Stupid Girls" by P!nk

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen with a nerdy, male best friend

I prefer guys to girls any day of the week.

I find girls are shallow, bratty, too talkative, and disloyal. I know this not only because I am one, but because I have had negative experiences with girls exhibiting some or all of these qualities. As I've said, I do love acting, so until mid-8th grade I could giggle and take stupid pictures in the bathroom as good as the next one, but it all just seemed so fake. This was proven when I got a boyfriend that year. He wasn't just a boyfriend, he was a nerd. That's right, he liked calculators. I met him in my Latin class, to give you an idea. Oooh. I began sitting with him more during lunch, and my "biffles" weren't having it. So, we grew apart. 2 out of the 4 girls I was hanging out with don't even acknowledge me in the hallways anymore. However, by growing farther from them I grew closer to my boyfriend, and started hanging out with him and his friends during lunch instead. I had written them off as nerds before like my friends, and they certainly were, but they were much more fun to hang out with than I would have expected. They were good listeners, great at helping with school (although some were too arrogant, a couple were really helpful and patient with me, and continue to be. Two helped me get through math last year with a B+!) and they were genuinely nice people. They were too smart to be into any kind of drugs and their label was too unapplealing for them to be caught up with girls (except Sal of course. That's the codename I'm giving my boyfriend for these posts ;)). I was shunned by them at first, of course, because of my cooties, also possibly a defense mechanism. Howevs, once they saw I wasn't being repelled, and was more intrigued by their homework-completing calculator programs than disgusted, and could actually hold my own in a debate about the Constitution, they warmed up to me. I got close to one in particular, Fred. He was a rather sad case at that point, hopelessly immature and creating horribly complex plans to win over a girl who probably didn't know his name, but he was a nice kid. The more I hung out with that group, the closer I got to Fred. Granted, I started picking up more "that's what she said" jokes too, but still :D.
Fred and I would IM a lot, he'd tell me about his latest scheme to get the attention of his current crush, I'd tell him it would fail, it would fail, he'd think up a new plan or find a new girl, rinse, repeat. I'd then go to him with my latest frustrations with Sal, he'd help explain them or just calm me down...he was a good problem-solver. And now, more than a year later, he is far more mature (still making innuendos, but that's par for the course with nerds), has a girlfriend of 2 months (I can barely stand her, she's psycho to me, but they're really fond of each other), and is truely the only person I know I can really talk about anything with and it's never awkward. He asks me the most bizzarre questions about girls, I sigh and answer them, and vice versa. He's always there for me.
Unlike Sal. I was on vacation last week, then the day i got back he had family arrive to stay for a week. He's had almost zero time to call me, I haven't seen him in 10 days, and it was frustrating the bazooka outta me. I invited one of my more tolerable girlfriends to go to the mall, she was busy. So i called Fred. He's been wanting to learn basketball so he could play with his girlfriend. I've been playing for a while so I invited him over so i could teach him some basics. He's the first guy other than Sal I've ever had over my house by himself. My mom was there, of course, but you get the idea.

And you know what? It was awesome.

We played for a little while until it got too hot. Then we went to a small lake a short walk from my house and stood in the water while minnows nibbled our toes. Then we did some archery with the target I have (or, in Fred's case, the ground behind the target...) then came inside and he played me the latest songs he's learned on guitar while i sang along. All the while we talked about our significant others, he asked more bizzarre questions, etc. There wasn't a single awkward silence. It was just really easy and relaxed being with him, and he cheered me up about not seeing Sal. He's the best friend I've ever had. And before you go insinuating, no, there is no romantic interest whatsoever. We both have our own boyfriend and girlfriend respectively, and I consider him like a brother.

So the moral here is that nerds are people too. Not just people, amazing, kind, trustworthy people. So before you go reapplying eyeliner and gossiping about how they'll never get dates, reconsider. They're a lot cheaper than private tutors and you might just make a new friend.

As Bill Gates said, "Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."


♪: "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" by Jason Mraz

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who lives in an unfriendly town

Small towns are weird.
Small snooty towns are weirder.

We have a paved path in our town where joggers, bikers, rollerbladers and dog-walkers can sport their new Underarmor spandex shorts and iPod armbands and get some exercise. The strange thing is that even with adults on this path, there's still the Awkward Hallway Complex (AHC).
The AHC is something any school kid has experienced. It's when you're walking down the hallway to the bathroom or water fountain and the halls are empty, and from a great distance you see someone you know. Do you wave for the entirety of the time they're in your vision? Or ignore them until you've practically run into them? Wave once, then enjoy the awkward silence as you wait to say hello as you pass them? Until then, do you just grin? Or what? And what if you're in said silent hallway and you see someone you were best friends with 5 years ago but drifted from and have nothing in common anymore? Deny existence all together? Awkward wave? OR, what if it's someone you've never talked to in your life, but you love their shirt, or have the same backpack? Do you mention it? It could make their day, or they could take it entirely wrong! It's a traumitizing decision! This is understandable with kids who haven't yet found their place in society, realized their true allies and enemies, and are a little awkward all the way around.

But adults?? Really???

I think it's hilarious. I go for walks on the path regularly with my Mom, who is a very friendly person. She used to live in a southern, sunny city where everyone you could make best friends with someone by talking to them in a grocery checkout line. Tiny New England town? Not so much. So she has no AHC whatsoever. I love going for walks with her because we'll see all these Nike-clad adults walking briskly ignoring everyone else and my mom will say something like, "Oh, Hi ____! It's me, from ____! How are you?" and try to strike up a friendly conversation. The other person is a little taken aback always, clearly surprised that Mom doesn't know the rules of AHC, and makes some small talk before continuing on. Sometimes they'll ignore her all together. The best is when there's a dog. My mom always comments how adorable it is, will soemtimes talk to the dog (no, really) in that squeaky baby-and-pet-voice before letting them walk by. Sometimes the people are nice and Mom will discuss our spastic black lab with them for a while beofre passing on, sometimes they'll just smile politely and yank the dog away. I think it's entertaining to see how different adults react to situations they aren't expecting; something that goes against their unspoken social rulebook. Try it sometime, create an awkward situation someone isn't expecting and see how they react. See if there's a section in their unwritten rulebook for that.

That of course, then begs the question, is the rulebook unspoken because it doesn't need to be? Or because it's all in people's heads? It's all a state of mind, really.

And it wouldn't hurt everyone to be a little friendlier.


♪: "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band (although I'm not a fan, it suits the situation. I'm actually trying to learn to sing it because my boyfriend can play it on the piano and if I learn, we can play/sing together. I've told him I hate the song though, can't wait to surprise him ;))

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who just watched Star Wars Episode VI for the first time

Well. That was quite a movie.

I've been watching the entire series for a while now, chronologically (eg, I-VI, not IV-VI then I-III) and i enjoyed them. Padme was probably my favorite character of the series (rip) seconded by Leia, then the little teddy-bear warrior things that worshiped C3PO in VI. I do have an observation though.

Luke: You're wrong, Leia. You have that power too. In time you'll learn to use it as I have. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And... my sister has it. Yes. It's you, Leia.
Leia: I know. Somehow, I've always known.

So somehow she's always known. And yet in Episode V, Leia makes out with Luke to make Han jealous. Do you think she knew then?? That just kinda weirded me out. It still made me happy that she and Solo got together in the end...if they got married, did he change his name to Han Duet? So many unexplored answers.

They are good movies though, and I don't feel like a poser now when I call myself a nerd. Now you're wondering how I can call myself a nerd if I haven't seen all of the Star Wars movies until today. Well, I have an obsession with XKCD, Cyanide and Happiness, Yugioh Abridged, and programs on my TI-84. Star Wars was just the finishing touch :).

May the force be with you all!

♪: "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al :)
♫: "Across the Stars" from Star Wars II (my fave song of the series)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who just started a blog

Hello, Internet!

I suppose I should explain myself and why I'm here instead of doing something more productive. I just finished this book, see, called "Little Brother" by Cory Doctorow (and I definitely reccomend it) and it enlightened me on the power of the internet. Yes, i know it's a fiction book, but the theory still holds. I figure if I can post my daily, weekly, or wheneverly thoughts and opinions, people might listen and agree. And if enough people realize that they aren't the only one who has a certain opinion about something, maybe they'll do something about it. Enough people together can change a society's ideas. So I'll be posting interesting ideas or opinions which occur to me and see if I can't alter a few mindsets, entertain a few, and invoke a few, "OMG! I do that too!"'s. It's always nice to see other people with the same thoughts as you.

As for about me, you don't need to know who I am. This is for a few reasons. Mainly, I don't need people harassing me for my thoughts or giggling behind my back. High school isn't very friendly of a place. Also I don't want you to approach these musings with a history with me in mind, I'd rather you were open-minded. And lastly, I don't want to pick up any stalkers :). All you need to know is that I'm a girl about to enter her sophomore year. I enjoy Jason Mraz music (not just "I'm Yours") and Twix. I love the theater, everything about it. I'm not particularly popular, but I have friends who I'd do anything for. I have a boyfriend whom I have been with for about a year. And FYI, I'll be changing the names of said friends and boyfriend if I mention them, for the same reasons as why I'm hiding my identity.

Now you're probably wondering what the heck "axiomatic" means. It's defined as "pertaining to or of the nature of an axiom; self-evident; obvious." Don't ask me what an axiom is, i have no clue, but self-evident basically covers it. I consider my musings to be something obvious, indisputable. Because anyone's thoughts are obvious and indisputable to themselves :). I guess you could abbreviate it to AMT. Like Amped. Or Axiomusings. Ooh, that sounds kinda cool actually :D. Frankly, you could call it ham and eggs if that floats your boat, as long as you don't actually come here expecting a delicious breakfast (because Wonka only developed how to transport food though TV, not internet ;)). Whatever you wanna call it, it's here and it's gonna be fabulous.

That's it. I'll see where this goes.

♪: "Geek In The Pink" by Jason Mraz