The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's back, baby!

I'M HAPPY.

And I mean it this time, like this happy is here to stay this time. Really :).

Remember the last post before Sal and I broke up? How I said that everything happens for a reason, that everything can change when you least expect it? And then we broke up and I tried not to be a hypocrite but I totally was?
Well. Let me tell you a story.
I was at the fair in town with Sal and some other friends and, as usual, I broke down crying with Rayne. It was just so difficult to see him and not be with him. At one point it just got so bad that I ditched all of them, found a nice tree to sit under, and I just sat there singing softly to myself and crying. Eventually another heartbroken friend of mine joined me and she listened while I had a panic attack. She, contrary to my wishes, went and got Sal. We talked for a while and I told him that I still had feelings and am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work again. The night ended with him saying, "I think you should move on."
Yeah. It sucked. So I went home, and like any depressed teenager, posted a sad status on Facebook. This guy who I kinda vaguely knew as a nice person but we had never really talked commented saying that if I ever needed to talk he'd be willing to listen. So I got his screenname, went on AIM, and pretty much emotionally vomited everything. He listened patiently, told me about his own heartbreak experience, and it was just kinda nice to have someone listen like that. That was mid-September. Since then we've been talking more and more every day and I really got to like him. Then yesterday, we went to the movies together, just us, and then hung out at my house. And yesterday night we admitted that we liked each other :).
Yeah, that's right, I like a guy. Who isn't Sal. This hasn't happened in over a year.

But it feels pretty freaking awesome.

And even though Sal has been acting funny around me lately, I honestly just don't care anymore. He and his friends have a habit of constantly excluding me, making me feel on the outer because I'm always doing something wrong. Whereas Ash doesn't. He likes me for who I am. And he listens to me, and I listen to him, and we like each other's music, and everything just feels so easy and natural around him. I'm not constantly worried about how I'm acting like with Sal nowadays. And honestly, even if Sal and I had ended up getting back together at the carnival that night, I still would have been afraid of doing something wrong that would make him leave me again. But with Ash, I can start fresh, and it's this totally amazing feeling.

So in the past like, 3 weeks, I have gone from:
Constantly crying uncontrollably->Constantly giggling uncontrollably
Checking my email for emails from Sal every 2 minutes->Talking to Ash for hours on end
Hanging out in a group with Sal being miserable->Watching Pokemon reruns with just Ash (yes, that is where i got the codename ;)) being happy
Being up late at night shaking with panic attacks, feeling like my heart was physically hurt->Being up late at night listening to songs Ash sent me and smiling until my face hurts
Wishing for something I can't have->Having something I would have never dared wish for.

So, I was right the first time when I said everything happens for a reason. And yeah, it's hard to believe that sometimes. But when you least expect it, magic can come down from the sky and make everything alright again. And although we aren't *officially* together yet, I'm so enjoying this anxious feeling. That feeling when you're just on the edge of a new crush and everything about him gives you butterflies and makes you smile and giggle...I feel like I'm 11 again!
And I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

"I believe in pink.
I belive laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing; kissing a lot.
I belive in being strong when everthing else seems to be going wrong.
I believe that the happiest girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day;
and i believe in miracles."
-Audrey Hepburn

Lots of songs today...
♪: "Catch Me" by Demi Lovato
♫: "Pretend" by Scott Porter and the Glory Dogs (Bandslam)
♪♫: "It's a Wonderful Life" by Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution
♫♫: "The Remedy" by Jason Mraz
♫♫♪: "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade