The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's a firework flying solo because there's a she-wolf in your closet and the DJ's got us falling in love again.

That was honestly the most fun I have had at a party in SUCH a long time. So before I describe why, I'd like to give a thank you shout out to two awesome girls, codenamed Hope and Naomi. Naomi is actually a featured dancer like me in the musical so we've been talking more, and then I got invited to their joint birthday party/fundraiser, and it was a blast!

So when I first got there, everyone was outside playing volleyball while awesomeness like, "Raise Your Glass" and of course, "Friday" were playing. We weren't keeping score or being serious like Ash and his friends get, we were just having a good time laughing and playing and dancing around, it was really chill :). Oh and I got hit in the face with a volleyball. NBD though xD. There were a lot of people too. All the cool nerds who didn't wanna go to the hockey game ;). Lia and her boyfriend were there too, it's always nice seeing them together. It's so obvious how much they're into each other, but at the same time they don't flaunt it and they aren't all over each other all the time, it's just kind of a given and they're chill. It's where I wish I could have gotten with Ash...ah well. Bygones.

After, I went in for some food and of course the food was delish, AND THEY HAD ARIZONA GREEN ICED TEA WITH HONEY AND GINSENG. So i basically drank half the bottle. Teehee ;). Then the lights went down and awesome songs started playing and we danced our hearts out! And I may have mentioned this before but dancing validates my existence. Just jumping around with all these awesome, friendly people, to an awesome song...there's nothing like it. Such freedom, it's just exhilarating.

So we danced around a bunch, and I did quite a bit of dancing with Devon :). That's one of the things I like about Devon; he isn't afraid to let go and dance as crazy as I do and just have a blast. And I do always have fun with him, if it's dancing or talking or anything, we just can always make each other laugh. It's not that I like, have those sorts of feelings for him or anything...I just think he's attractive in a v-neck and I really like being around him, and talking to him, and giving him hugs, and making him laugh, and getting compliments from him, and things like that. He's just..he's a cool guy. I'm very glad he's my best friend. :)

We danced around a bunch more and I just had a ball. I felt like I could really let go because I didn't have to be worrying like, "Oh, is Ash at home bored? I wonder what he's doing. I hope he isn't talking to ___. Anxietyanxietyanxiety!" No worries at all, just fun. And I even got to put my hands up during "Single Ladies" this time! :D.

Ooh, the 'talking to ___' thing reminded me of something else! I've made friends with another girl in the musical, codename Fay, who's a total sweetheart. Ironically, she was one of the girls that Ash had had a crush on last year (but she rejected him, so I hold nothing against her), and was one of the girls that made me really insecure (she's really skinny and pretty, her codename comes from French 'parfait'), but since Ash and I broke up I have no reason to feel that way around her, and we've become friends! She's a darling and introduced me to Mocha Iced Coffee Light and Sweet from Dunkin Donuts so I basically love her xD. Anyway yeah she Facebook chatted me while at the party (idk why my phone signed me onto chat automatically but whatever) because Ash was texting her. So we talked for a little bit until I explained where I was and that I had to go. But yeah, she's been really warm and friendly to me. I've even been nicer to Cady too (remember her?) and that's going nice :). It's not that I'm taking back my reasons for disliking/avoiding these girls before, but it's just that those reasons simply don't exist anymore. Which is good :).

Did I mention my French teacher came to the party? Wearing a sequined tank top? And was dancing with us?? She's basically the most radical educator I've ever known :D. Mega props, Madame, mega props. Vous etes hyper cool ;).

OH I ALMOST FORGOT MY FAVORITE PART! There's this girl in my advisory and math class, codenamed Millie (because it rhymes with her last name and idk, it would sorta suit her). She's an amazing student, very smart, very modest and fairly shy at school, and just the sweetest doll you've ever met. Doesn't raise her voice ever. There's also another guy whose regular name I'll have to use because otherwise the quote isn't as funny. But anyway he's very obnoxious. And during volleyball he must have just irritated Millie just past that point where she couldn't hold it in any longer and she just bursts out, 'EAT SAND, ERIC CHEN, YOU NERD!!!!!!!!". And something so unexpected from someone so sweet basically made my entire night xD. She really does loosen up when she's with her friends though, she's quite the good little dancer too :).

So yeah, had a great night! It was just such a great time to let go of all the stress and just enjoy the company of my friends. It really was exactly what I needed. Lost my flip-flops at the end but Smash helped me find them. (I don't hate him as much since he's in my Lit class. Plus I don't think I'll be running for Class Prez again anyway but that's another post). Talked to Devon and Cissa when I got home for a little while, then to Ash for a few because I'm worried about him, his tumblr and FB status were really worrisome. You don't have to like someone to care about them.

LOZAD tomorrow/today since it's 12:03am :D.

♪: "Raise Your Glass" by P!nk
♪♪: "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who is relieved!

There are lots of very good reasons that it is worth attempting to be friends with an ex (as long as they are a nice person, not psycho, and also not psycho) and this is one of them :).

I'm gonna go to prom with Sal.

Whaaa?!


Yeah! Like, he's a really good friend and nice guy, it'll be a great night. But the awesome thing is that there is NO emotional tension between us at all, so therefore no stress! I don't have to worry about breaking up and hating him in the next month or anything, i know we'll be cool. He's reliable, and I know (and adore) his mom and I know she won't let him do anything silly like wear an orange tuxedo or whatever :P. So I think it'll be really good. Maybe by some stroke of magic he's become a better dancer by now too ;). Haha kidding :P.

How nice! What adorable way did he ask you?


I asked him, silly goose! :D. I'm not used to just like, waiting to be asked by a guy on a date, that's just weird for me. When I want something and I see an opportunity to get it, I go for it! I see no problem with that at all :). No cute story this time though sadly :P. I did hear some cute ones around though, one of my friends sang a song and replaced one of the lines with "Will you go to prom with me", Devon wrote an acrostic poem for his date, things like that. Maybe next year ;).

And what about Ash..?


Let's...let's not go there. It's a long story. Well not very long, it all happened far too quickly, but the point is that it's complicated and I don't know who he's going with. I really do hope he finds someone nice. Not that flaky blonde pedo but someone nice. He does deserve that much :).

Sooo, yeah! Basically I just got very lucky with Sal and I think this is gonna work out splendidly! I hope you all find lovely dates to prom as well if you choose to go! :).

[P.S. SHAMELESS PLUG: Come see South Pacific next Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at the CHS Auditorium at 7pm! It's gonna be awesome!]


♪: "Everything's Coming Up Roses" from Gypsy

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who LOVES her featured dance part in the musical.

There's just nothing like it.  

Late night. Wake up early. Rain, grey, dark, cold. Gym. NLE. In-Class Essay.
Sit around. Call him back. Talk, fight, yell, frustration, anger. Ugh.
Cool down. Apologize. Move on. Let well enough alone. Scenes.
Make a friend. Drink some liquid hyper. Change into leggings, slide on the tap shoes.

And then.

Energy! Smile-beaming, toe-pointing, ponytail-twirling energy!
Wash the troubles right out of your hair!
Sell it! Own it!
Twirly twirly twirly. Live adorably.
Get to my partner. Run, run, run!
Chase, turn! Chase, turn! Swing swing swing! Rock!
Chene, chene, chene, jump into his arms! Ta daaaaaa!!!!

One-and-a-two-and-a-three! Da-da, da da, da!

Tap, twirl, click! Applause coming from my very own feet. 

On the beat, between the beat, be the beat. 

Nail it. 

There is just...there is just nothing like it. 

♪: "Electricity" from Billy Elliot

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who loveloveloves her Lit Class.

Just an update on the Occasional Paper.

I decided I would read it to the class and I did. I went after another girl in my class who read hers, she was fantastic. Just a beautifully written description essay of only a few moments but they were described just amazingly. I was getting all nervous like HOW THE HELL DO I FOLLOW THAT but my teacher called on me and so I read it. I started getting kinda shaky in the middle but I pulled it off and finished and the class applauded and then they gave comments. They said that the end of the first paragraph was great because when I read it, I started speeding up like everything was piling on faster, it gave it an added effect. My teacher even agreed that the way that first paragraph was written was absolutely perfectly for the feeling I was trying to convey and it was just great, I was really proud because that means a lot coming from her :). She said the whole thing had that undertone of the fear of a loss of control that was haunting and really intensely well-written. So that made me really happy! One of my classmates mentioned that she almost was scared for the narrator, not of her, because it screamed E.D. Which is exactly what I was going for: the essay sounding so good and convincing although the reader knows in the back of their mind, 'but wait, that's not supposed to be right, yet they're justifying it...' So it got the intended effect I wanted and I also got to straighten out my own thoughts by writing them down: everyone wins! :). I also just love how they can understand and be mature about it and comment on the writing of the essay and not just react like, "YOU'RE A SCARY YOU MUST BE ANOREXIC I'M REPORTING YOU TO GUIDANCE" the way most other kids in my grade would. So I really do appreciate everyone in that class, it's just the best atmosphere ever :).

I'm big into self-improvement lately. Just being the best I can be by like, cleaning my room, working out, dressing nicely, rehearsing choreography at home, anything I can to make myself better. It's a great feeling, knowing you're the best you can be, so I'm in a delightful mood today :). Although I am worried about Ash. He has tons of make-up work to do and it's stressing him out like crazy which just puts him in a weird mood around me. Like we went on a date yesterday and then he came over for dinner and it was just a perfect afternoon, he made me so happy. But then it's like as soon as he gets back home or at school he's just off again :(. Freaking teachers, idk why they couldn't just cut him some slack with all this work, it's inhumane. I mean goodness knows it took me 2 weeks to catch up with the week of school I missed in Aussie, I can't imagine how much it must suck for him...:\.

Anyway. Must get back into positive mode. Gonna go work hard on homework so my grades can be the best they can be, too!! :D

♪: "Friday" by Rebecca Black (if you haven't already heard of it, go google it. Lawls shall ensue.)
♪♪: "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train (part of my new tumblr URL and just so peppy like I've been recently!)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who thinks Earth needs to take a chill pill.

Cut your populous some slack with the natural disasters please, Mama Demeter? It's not very nice :(.

I was just watching the news about the earthquake/tsunami in Japan that happened this morning and I'm just gonna share my thoughts on the matter.

• The Internet is mind-boggling. Parts of the news report featured vlogs of people during the earthquake, showing things shaking and falling while narrating, "holy @#&% what the %*@& am i supposed to do?!" And naturally within minutes, there were thousands of tweets pouring out of Japan about it. The world knew INSTANTLY. There was instantaneous media coverage, Red Cross sprang into action immediately, everything got going in the blink of an eye. Then, Hawaii and California could prepare themselves for the affects of the tsunami as well and hopefully lessen the damage. That's just amazing to me.
  There is only one single eye-witness account of the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in 79AD, it was by Pliny the Younger, written to his friend decades after the event. After that, Pompeii lay preserved and undisturbed (save minor graverobbers) for over 1000 years until a farmer was digging and happened to find an entire city buried in ash and pumice. ONE THOUSAND YEARS before it was discovered. Today, thousands of people pressed "Enter" and we knew to go help in a SECOND. We take Facebook and Twitter for granted but like...think about how incredible that is.
• Similarly, there's none of this "I wonder what that's like..." You wanna know what it's like? Go read some tweets. You can find out exactly what it's like, from a person your age, through their eyes, exactly as it's happening. Likely with pictures to accompany. From our own safe little bedrooms in Cheshire, we can get a first-hand account of something on the other side of our planet. Unfathomable. It's a small world after all, folks. 
• But yeah seriously what the fuck is going on. Record-shattering snow storms in the US. Massive flooding in Australia and South America. Earthquakes in New Zealand and Japan. If this is 2011 I'm freaking terrified for 2012!!!! XP. 
• And as if all the horrific damage and tragic death tolls aren't enough, there's now a report on how the earthquake knocked out the cooling system for a nuclear power plant in Tokyo. A cooling system that's pretty freakin important when uranium hangs out in nuclear power reactors at like, thousands of degrees. So now they government has to not only try to save survivors and repair incredible amounts of damage, but they also now have to work on restoring the cooling system so there isn't a meltdown ON TOP OF a tsunami ON TOP OF an earthquake. And you think YOU have a lot on your plate??? 
• I sincerely hope this doesn't become another reason for prices to shoot up. When i went to Australia and grocery prices as well as just about anything else was doubled, the phrase was, "It's cuz of the floods". And i get that lots of farmland was decimated so crops were lost, supply down, demand up, simple economics. But honestly, these disasters have been happening in so many places and so many people have lost everything...people aren't going to be able to afford things that are priced twice as high "because of the ___" just because the fat entrepreneurs know they can jack up their profit. That's so wrong; this is really the point where they world has to come together and go, "Okay, so basically we're all as fucked as each other, let's just help our bros out for a while until we're all back on our feet." Like let's keep prices down in every industry so that people can sell and buy things cheaper and thus afford to not make as big a profit while other people can afford to start rebuilding their entire lives. Fair enough, methinks?
• Basically let's just keep our thoughts (and prayers, if you're into that) with these people as they try to recoup. Sitting here on my bed with my personal laptop all dry and intact, I really can't imagine that kind of destruction, but I know it would suck. So let's hope the death toll doesn't get any higher and they can recover as quickly as possible :). 

And voila, my two cents :).

[P.S. I'm gonna try posting more because a friend told me at lunch yesterday how he knows some readers that were going to start petitioning me to post again xD. It made me smile, you guys are the best <3.]

ONLY ONE PHYSICS LAB REPORT, A PATISSERIE LAB (e.g. making muffins) AND TWO MATH QUIZZES LEFT FOR MY MAKEUP WORK! TALLYHOOOOOOO!!!

♪: "A Wonderful Guy" from South Pacific (#personal. Can't exactly think of a song that relates to a tsunami...)

The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen, in the Form of an Occasional Paper for AP Lit

[I'm not sure if I'm game to actually read this in class, but I thought I should post it here anyway. Also hiii! Sorry it's been a while. Shit's been going down. Update: I broke up with Ash, I went to Australia for 3 weeks (post about that soon), Ash and I are dating again, I really love dancing in South Pacific, and all is going pretty well :).]

Occasional Paper

The Facets of a Diamond

[Warning: I really really hope this isn't a trigger for anyone...Don't read if you're emotionally unstable.]

This is mine.

This is my own little poisonous secret. This is unaffected by school, by my parents, by anything else in life.

Every moment of the average teenager’s life is controlled by one external force or another. The state law decides for me that I must wake up early each morning to attend school. The teachers decide what I learn. Powerschool decides that I must spend my evening doing homework. My parents decide if I can leave my house. My friends and my boyfriend decide what mood and emotions I experience. The clothes I own are decided by the money in my wallet, the money in my wallet is decided by my employment status, my employment status is decided by my ability and free time, my free time is decided by homework and extra-curricular activities, my extra-curricular activities are decided by the preferences of colleges I like, which are decided by the major I pursue, which is decided by the job market and income of carreers…and none of this is within my reach.

But this, this is mine.

This is my rebellion. This is the stubborn two-year-old shouting, “no!” and relishing the power of the word. This is denying regularity because for once, I can. This is bringing a horse to water.

Every external force in my life cannot be stopped. It is a constant, a wall that I cannot alter. I cannot choose to refuse to attend school, or the school will place consequences on my transcript and my future life. I cannot choose to refuse the wishes of my parents, or they will decide consequences that will limit my freedoms even further. But if my body decides it would like to be fed, I can tell it, “no.” And then I control the consequences. I thrive in the thrill of being able to, for once, decide to refuse. And refuse, and refuse, and refuse,  as much as I want, while no external force has the ability to choose the consequences for me.

This, the control over the options in my life, is mine.

This is my confidence. This is how I can look in the mirror and smile and be proud of myself. This is not having reason to pick out flaws, this is giving my body the opportunity to have none.

Any female of any age will appreciate and treasure a compliment on their appearance. Of course I'm no different. And when a friend observes that “You must be working out more, you look great”, of course it brightens my day. I love feeling my shirts loose, I love having to wear a belt with my skinny jeans, I love asking the store clerk if they have this in the next size down. I feel more confident, more radiant, than I ever had before. And no external force can take that pride from me.

This, these numbers, are all mine.

This is my challenge. This is daring myself to push my limits. And this is a reward. This is creating the feeling of success when you earn what you have.

The only way to improve is to expand out of one’s comfort zone. It’s telling myself to do those 5 extra sit-ups, even when I’m sore. It’s convincing myself that no, I don’t need those cookies, I’d rather have some metabolism-boosting green tea. It’s not giving in to every urge I have for something fatty, it’s challenging myself to improve. And then it’s the reward. It’s seeing that number go down, just enough, and knowing I deserve that because I worked for it. It’s not feeling guilty about indulging once in a while, because I know I’ve earned it. It takes each moment of my day and turns it into a competition with myself that I can win.

This victory is mine.

This confidence is mine.

This rebellion is mine.

This venomous habit, this sparkling compulsion, this drill sergeant with the grace of a nymph.

This is all mine.

I will behave and obey, and I will acquiesce to all that is theirs.

But they cannot take what is mine.

[so um...yeah.]
♪: "Supergirl" by Hilary Duff