Sal broke up with me. Basically. For reasons I barely understand (or rather, I understand the reason, I just have no idea how it makes sense as a good reason, but whatever) and would rather not go into, he decided he'd rather just be friends for now.
I took it pretty hard.
Last night I cried harder than I have in a very long time. It's just...this gut-wrenching sense of loss and emptiness. I'd keep going over what he said in my mind and it felt like someone was punching me in the diaphragm. Of course, once it was on Facebook, I was getting comments from all my friends saying they hope I felt better, but it was little consolation. The only real consolation was after I got back from Sal's house (yes, he did have the balls to do it in person, thank goodness for his sake) I invited Fred over for dinner. He always helps me feel better (again, though, ITS NOT LIKE THAT. He's like a brother). He was as surprised as I was, and had little inspiration to offer as to a cause. Regardless, that cheered me up until he left and i was reduced to a sobbing fetal position. *Sigh*
He made it clear that he isn't interested in dating other people just yet, and that he definitely still wants me as a friend. And after today when we talked I'm convinced he still cares about me, that's what so f^&*ing confusing. Psh. Guys. xP.
BUT! HAVE NO FEAR!!
Because, if you'd just scroll down a tad, you'll see that 3 days ago I was writing on this very topic about how there's always hope and to never give up because everything can change. So inbetween my still continuing (but less frequent) bouts of bawling, I shall stay positive and be happy with what i have. It could be worse, he could have cheated on me with his cousin or turned gay. But this was just a simple changing of status that takes some time getting used to. I won't lie, I'm far from over it, and I'm using every eyelash wish i get for a second chance, but even if that doesn't happen, I'll find a way to be happy as his friend because that's what's making him happy. That's what happens when you love a person, their happiness is more important than your own.
Oh! This is a good time to tell you my 3 qualifications for love! It's basically the 3 questions you ask yourself and if you answer yes to all three then you can honestly say you love them. They are:
-Do you trust them absolutely and completely with anything? Like would you put your life in their hands without a second thought?
-Do you care about them infinitely? As in, do you put their well-being and happiness before your own?
-Would you die for them?
So that's my qualification system. And i do still love him, I can't deny that, so I do still put his happiness before my own, so I will find a way to deal with this because that's what he wanted and there isn't much I can do anyway.
So, again, I'm staying as positive as I can.
♪: "Breathe" by Taylor Swift
♫: "When We Die" by Bowling for Soup
Breathe - Taylor Swift
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