The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who would miss you if you were gone.

I've successfully pushed away most of my friends because I simply can't express feelings anymore. I have no patience for people that I can't trust and I've shut out anyone that I feel like is laughing at me behind my back (like Cissa) or they're insensitive (like Keith or Jack) or anything like that. I'm just so done so I just don't want to deal with people anymore so i removed them from my life. 

Sal, however, is a stubborn little bugger as usual. And I kinda love him for it. 

We were talking last night. Just about stuff in general. First he tried prying a little but just like with everyone else I changed the subject to get them to talk about themselves which 99% of the time anyone will be happy to babble about for ages and forget you have feelings too so it works out lovely. So we had a lovely conversation about things in our lives but he wouldn't let it go that something was bothering me. I was in a fairly good and rational mood by then after talking to him and as hard as it was i decided to, against my better judgement, actually tell him what's been going on the past week or so. Why? I guess because I know Sal is the sole person I know that wouldn't lie to me. Sure sometimes that's harsh but I will always appreciate that. Everyone else has some sort of ulterior motive, some plan of manipulation, some personal goal, that drives them to lie and deceive and betray. But Sal...he just seems to not care about that, so he doesn't need to lie, so he doesn't. And that's really great, I think. 

After I told him everything and i asked what he thought he said that I "scared" him. Sal doesn't scare easy, let me just put that out there now. He isn't big on expressing emotions at all. But he said I really scared him. He said that he's glad I got through that night and I'm slightly better now because he'd really miss me. 

He'd miss me, you guys. 

I actually wanted to burst into tears and run to his house and give him a hug. Because I don't think you can really understand how much those words can mean...I didn't even realize how much I needed to hear that until someone said it to me. Because I always felt like Ash could easily replace me, Cissa could care less, Fred is always busy, Devon doesn't really understand it at all anyway. So to hear I'd actually be missed by someone? That was just like, wow. (And don't take this as it means I have feelings for him, i don't, it's just really nice to have a good friend like that. I'd rather have a kind prom date like Sal than a skanky bimbo. Just saying ;).)

So my advice to you today is as follows. If you care about someone and you think they may be going through a rough time, or even if they aren't, just tell them you appreciate them, and that you'd really miss them if for whatever reason they weren't around. Even tell your parents, you never know if they've been having a rough week too, tell them that it's important they stick around. They may just look at you funny like 'duh', or you may give them a reason to keep pushing through every day. Never ever underestimate the power of a few genuine words.

And never, ever, ever make jokes about suicide. Especially on the Day of Silence. Goodness, people like that are the reason we need a Day of Silence. Ugh xP. 

So yeah. Sorry for the lack of posts. I kept writing ones but I could never finish because I honestly find it so hard to share my feelings anymore. Stuff has been weird lately. :\. Anyway hope you're having a nice Spring Break :). 

♪: "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne

♪♪: "A Better Place, A Better Time" by Streetlight Manifesto