The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's going to say hi to Kevin on Monday.

Sal and I have both always supported the idea that everything happens for a reason. We're living proof of it. Today he used that same idea (plus some comforting cuddles) to help me come to terms with something that's been eating away at me for a while.

I've mentioned Stephen before. Codenamed after a photographer he loves. He's the super individual hipster that I fell hard and fast for back in March until he left to move back home and never contacted me or replied to my attempts to contact him since.

The reason it bothered me so much wasn't necessarily that he totally shunned me and most of his other friends from Cheshire once he left. It was more that I was angry--furious, even--at myself for throwing myself yet again into a daydream that meant nothing to the other party, thus setting myself up for failure once again. I mean even if he acted like he liked me for a time...clearly if he actually did he'd at least have tried to continue a friendship, that's all I would have wanted since I knew he was going to college anyway. Anyway, I was furious at myself for allowing myself to get hurt again, dangerously furious, and I tended to take it out on the obnoxious junior in my French class who had at one point in June taken it upon himself to tell Stephen that he should ask me out xP. I liked to pretend it was that kid's fault for scaring Stephen off and that's why he won't talk to me, so I could direct all my hatred to him when truthfully it should have remained aimed at myself.

Or, maybe it shouldn't. At least that's what Sal came up with. Maybe my desperation to impress Stephen was the best thing that ever happened to me.

One evening, Stephen and I had been chatting on Facebook about traveling and why we both love it, and how other countries have such awesome foods and awesome desserts. He mentioned how he loves desserts and cakes and such. So the next evening I had nothing to do so I figured why not throw together a batch of cupcakes to impress him? I picked out a new cook book that my mom had bought but never touched and made a batch of vanilla cupcakes with purple and yellow colored raspberry/lemon/vanilla frosting flowers. (And for the record, that same book is now stained with numerous splotches of batter because it's the best vanilla cake recipe I've ever found). I brought them into Physics the next day first period and offered him one which he seemed to enjoy. I thought that maybe I should try a more impressive cupcake, like coffee cupcakes with creamy frosting and a munchkin on top, loosely based on a cupcake I had seen on Tumblr. He really enjoyed that one, and so did the other friends that I offered the cupcakes to. The next weekend I thought I'd try another recipe. Then another, and another, until soon enough I realized I had quite a talent and passion for baking.


Now, several months later, I'm applying early decision to Cornell School of Hotel Administration because they offer a degree program where one can get a Bachelor's degree in hospitality management, and in the middle spend 9 months at the Culinary Institute of America earning an Associate's degree in Culinary Arts, thus graduating in 4 to 4 1/2 years with all the knowledge needed to own, run, and cook in any restaurant in the world. Then likely I'll return to the CIA to earn an Associate's in Baking and Pastry Arts as well, because that's my true passion.

And that very well may not have happened without Stephen.


So Sal's theory is that the reason Stephen was a part of my life was to introduce me to a passion I was meant to discover. I shouldn't hate myself for allowing myself to become attached so fast, I should be glad I did; if I hadn't, I wouldn't have been so intent on impressing him and wouldn't have started all the baking. It's still pretty shitty that he just left without a single look back and I'm not sure about the reason for that yet, maybe it was just to remind me again that I need to be careful with who I trust.

Regardless, tonight I finally came to terms with the fact that maybe jackasses who ignore your homemade cookie care packages are really blessings in disguise. I don't feel as angry anymore, at myself or at the dorky junior, and it's a really nice relief. So yeah. Sal tames the crazinesses that are my emotions once again. At least this one I know I'm not making a mistake by trusting :).

Oh, and for the record I'm pretty awful at Boggle.
Also for the record Pokepark Wii: Pikachu's Adventure is one of the most adorable and fun games ever.
Also also for the record things with Sal are going great and I couldn't be happier to have him :).
Also also also for the record my interview with Cornell is next Monday. If anyone else has done Ivy interviews and can give me tips or pointers please comment! I'm so nervous, I want to get into that program so badly :(.

*: "I Don't Wish You Were Dead Anymore" by Bowling for Soup
**: "If My Heart Was A House" by Owl City