No matter WHAT Jack likes to say to be an ass. And I'd like to apologize in advance if I come off as an ass in this post, I don't mean to sound stuck up or anything.
Anyway I'm inspired to write another post because it appears overnight since that last post I got 32 views on here...you guys don't mess around xD. Also it's snowing wooo! The cold might actually be worth it!! Ash and I are planning on spending a nice day together tomorrow decorating my room with garland and such so it'll be a nice Christmas-y atmosphere with a dusting of snow :). ANYHOOZLE.
I deleted my Formspring a week ago at Ash's suggestion. He didn't really like that I was getting creeped/hit on by random sleezebags, and he was getting bored of the questions being en mass all the time. BUT nevertheless, haters gonna hate, and sure enough someone (anonymous, of course) found their way to the ask box on my Tumblr (yes, I got one, but only for a personal blog kind of thing, I'm not moving this site) to ask me this:
"Legit, you're only in modern world?"
To which I replied that I was flattered, but yes, I decided against taking AP European history after the insane amounts of stress brought on by AP US history last year. They then asked again,
"for someone who's so "smart", you're pretty dumb for being in that low of a class"
To which I said...well, very rude things in reply.
Because the thing is, I get this ALL the time. From Jack (you guys remember him, right?), or Sal, or anyone else that hears I'm only in Level 1 history, and only taking Latin 4. It's always a surprise; "Wait, you aren't in Euro?" NO, NO I AM NOT. Because I freaking value my sanity, thankyouverymuch. So then Jack's retort is always, "Yeah, well, we'll see who's laughing when you don't get into college."
I HAVE A 4.2 GPA AND I'M GOING TO GET INTO A FUCKING GREAT COLLEGE DAMMIT, AND I DON'T NEED TO KILL MYSELF WITH STRESS FOR THE NEXT 2 YEARS TO DO IT.
...is what I feel like shouting at him every time he or any one of my other AP-snob friends says that.
Sure, some people thrive in history classes. Like my friend Calvin had like over 100 in it for a while because that's just his forte. Or Fred is doing great in his AP science classes. Good for them...but it's not my thing. Literature is my love, so I'm taking AP Lit and doing great, I love that class. But history...it'd be just as bad as APUSH was last year, always feeling inadequate and stupid amongst kids that this just came so naturally to. Even though I was capable, (I got a 5 on the exam last year) I didn't want to put myself through that again, it was a personal choice that I'm proud of.
So then why do I still feel stupid?
Because of all these incredible expectations, I guess. Since I was a little kid, I got good grades. So everyone congratulated me. So I wanted to get more good grades. So then people congratulated me more. So then I had to get even better grades or they wouldn't be impressed. And pretty soon I'm one of those people who's crying over a B- in an advanced math class. We talk about this in Lit sometimes, we have really interesting discussions which are great because everyone's in the same boat about being a high achiever. It's so much more of a curse than a blessing, trust. There's this constant expectation from our parents, teachers, and even our peers that we're just smart people. So we should be taking all AP's, and going to Yale, and becoming doctors, and saving the world. Anything less would be wasting our potential. Some kids would kill for a brain like mine, why would i waste it on something like level one? And I hate that, I hate that expectation. I hate that my friends follow that expectation and I feel like the idiot of the group because I'm not. Why would I burn myself out now getting into a crazy elite college just to put myself through even MORE stress? I would honestly end up suicidal from the pressure, I could tell you that right now. I don't want to save the world...I want to be happy when I grow up. I want to live up to my own expectations and be happy for myself, not for everyone else. So Jack and Sal will go to MIT. Great. I'll become a quad-lingual language teacher (and no, Sal, I don't really need to take AP Latin or Euro to get into a college for that). And while they're stuck in a lab pining over blueprints for some aircraft engine with an upcoming deadline to a harsh boss in a diploma-lined office, I'll be helping kids understand a magical code that will help them communicate with people they wouldn't be able to otherwise, and watching their faces light up when they understand that.
Because dammit, I wanna learn to be happy with my life.
And CollegeBoard doesn't seem to have a course for that.
♪: "Fat Lip" by Sum 41.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 musings in reply:
lol theres no way sal's getting into MIT at all. so you still win
aww thats not very nice. i know it's a really hard school to get into (my cousin was in the top 3% of the US in SAT scores and even she didn't get in) but sal is smart and takes good classes, it could happen :P. i have no doubt he'll go SOMEWHERE smarty-pantsy.
Post a Comment