The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who thinks she rocks, because you rock.

I think Nesse might like this post :). Let me explain.

I just got back from my counselor after a really interesting discussion.
We were talking about how I gain my personal worth and value myself based on my ability to make others happy. Like even when I'm unhappy, if I make someone else happy I feel as though I can then be happy because I've done something right. But it leads to a lot of disappointment. Sometimes if I don't think they appreciate my efforts to make them happy, or they don't become as happy as I'd hope, it has the opposite effect. I think there's something I've done wrong, or not done enough of...etc. And this isn't just with Ash, it's with most of the people in my life. So she was saying how I need to value myself just for myself, not based on other people's standards. I need to rely on myself to make myself happy. That isn't to say that I should completely stop doing things like complimenting my friends' outfits, or texting them randomly that I appreciate them and they rock--I just need to stop expecting them to reciprocate. Because even if people do care--and I have no doubt that they do, my friends are great--just not everyone is as outgoing when it comes to expressing that. And i need to understand that and not let it continuously disappoint me when I don't get the reaction I hoped for.

Maybe this is familiar to you, too. If that's the case, here's what my counselor suggested and what sounds like a really good idea.

Firstly, I have to take a step back and not drain myself doing things for other people. I only have to do what i have to, and then call it a day. Now this isn't exactly my personality. I'm an all-or-nothing type, as anyone who knows me is well aware of :P. So, what to do instead? A win-win situation sounds nice :).

She suggested making it a fair game. Anything I do to make other people happy, I need to do to myself, too. So say I'm texting someone just to say hi, and that they're a great friend. I need to tell myself, "Hey! You're a great friend to that person!" Or if I make a bunch of giant personalized gingerbread cookies as Christmas gifts. I should make myself one too, and enjoy it! It sounds kind of stupid but also kind of...really nice. Because then I'm not relying on other people to say, "Wow, this is amazing! What a great job!" Because a lot of times, people just don't. (As Phyllis says, "Sometimes people just suck." xD). It's not that they're bad or anything, it's just not their nature, and that's totally fine. I can accept that and not rely on their approval, because I can just approve of myself! And on the rare occasions someone does appreciate what I do, it's just an added bonus, not something I desperately need to feel validated.

So I'm gonna try this :). It might just help me perk up a little.

Hope the first day back from break wasn't too hard on you guys! Have a nice week :).

♪: "Song For a Friend" by Jason Mraz