The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's going to sleep in her bed for the last time for a few months.

Am I an emotional wreck right now? Yes would be an understatement. This post is going to be pretty all over-the-place but so is my mind right now.

I don't understand this. I don't like this town, I don't like most of it's people, the thought of Cornell has made me euphoric for months...the only way to explain this is fricking graduation goggles.

For those of you not familiar with the How I Met Your Mother episode, "The Exploding Meatball Sub", 'graduation goggles' is a term for that feeling you get when a horrible experience is ending and then suddenly you look at it with these magical goggles that somehow distort it and make everything seem better than it actually was. Kind of similar to Stockholm syndrome, I guess.

I won't miss the town, or the boredom, or the high school. I'll miss my brook, my privacy, and a few of my teachers. And goodness knows I'll miss my friends.

Hold on I have to set a reminder for myself or I'll leave my retainer at home.

I feel like I should have done some epic stuff in my last few days and I didn't really, I just spent time with my friends doing what we do best and I think that was exactly what I needed. Like, Keith made fun of me so I poured a water bottle on his head, because that's what we do. Ash and I played Halo and ate candy because that's what we do. Huck (oh, you guys don't know Huck...he's awesome. That's the best way to describe him, just awesome in every way) came over and I cooked dinner then he played guitar, because that's what we do. Devon and I watched Very Mary Kate videos and laughed because that's what we do. Sal and I took a walk, laughed a lot, and hugged a lot. Because that's what we, as friends, still do.

Well shit now I'm thinking about all the awesome people in my life and how I'm not going to see any of them until like, December. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

That's another thing I realized, I tend to curse like a sailor when I start to cry because I hate crying. Just a fun fact.

Just to elaborate quickly on Huck because I kinda just threw him in there...I knew him for months because he was in the musical but we didn't really start being close until we spent most of a summer party just sitting and talking. He's easy to talk to and in a word, interesting. He's cute, has lots of cool talents, he's really sweet, he's smart, and he makes me laugh. One of those people I just clicked with and so we started hanging out more. And by more I mean twice, and now I'm leaving. WOO.

I'm getting through this by telling myself that there will be more awesome and interesting people to click with on Friday and they'll all be living down the hall from me all year. Which is entirely true. I'll make it.

It's incredibly annoying that I finally made girlfriends just in time to leave them, too. Reggie and Hilary and Solay better clear their schedules for winter break because I don't care how fricking cold it is we're going on a reunion froyo spree and that's that.

Devon and I are kind of used to communicating mostly online so I guess that's okay. I'll just miss his laugh :/.

I'm so freaking grateful Keith will only be an hour away in Rochester.

Sal. Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal Sal.

FuckingshitgoddammitshitdamnshitshitshitshitTITSIFUCKINGHATECRYINGDAMMIT

Pardon mon francais, je pleure. Ca c'est difficile.

It's just really hard to be safely snuggled in the chest of your best friend feeling all warm and safe while his arms are around you one minute and be waving 'bye' the next. But I'm not the only person to have to deal with that and I'm sure it would be even worse if we were still together. I should be handling this better. Honestly Lia, I don't know how you guys did it but I have even more respect for you now that I understand what it's like. You deserve some sort of award.

I'm sure in a couple days I'll post again saying how happy I am at Cornell and how much I love it there but right now this is a rough night and I should probably go to sleep.

I don't want to be judged, and I won't be.
I don't think I'm strong enough, but I am.
I'm scared, but I shouldn't be.
I have all the weapons I need--
Time to fight.

♪: "The Great Escape" by Boys Like Girls
♫: "This Ain't Goodbye" by Train