The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who really fucking hates being an only child.

Go hug your sibling.
Right now. I don't care how old or young, whether you just had a fight with them, whether you hate their guts or they hate yours. If they are in the house, go hug them immediately. Because their mere existence, whether you believe it or not, actually makes your life a little bit easier.

Don't have a sibling to hug? Then maybe you can relate to this.

Little bit of background first...
My mom and my dad don't get along. At all. She's a naggy bitch to him, he's mean to her in return, neither of them like each other and if it wasn't for me they probably would have split up long ago. They fight a lot when they're together. Luckily, my dad goes on business trips to California a lot. He's a lighting contractor who does high efficiency lighting projects for big warehouses, and there are a lot of warehouses in Connecticut who have branches in California so he gets jobs in both places. He'll spend weeks at a time in either place, depending on which jobs are where and take more time. I went with him 5 days ago to Cali go on vacation and see what his apartment is like over there, that kind of thing. We went to Disneyland and Seaworld and Universal Studios and Hollywood.
Without mom, though.
Because frankly neither of us wanted her there. For one he just didn't have the space (it's a 1-bedroom apartment, he slept on the couch) and for two they just fight too much when we're all together and it makes vacations less fun. So he just invited me, so we could do some actual bonding considering I don't get to see him a lot.
Now this isn't abnormal. Because of his work, he's missed vacations where just mom and i go places. We've done that once a year the past couple years. Plus most of the year I'm just with mom and he's gone. But does this change anything? Of course not. I got the guilt trip laid on me by her the entire time. I'd come home buzzing from a great day at one of the parks and get to hear,
"...Well all of that sounds like fun! I guess you won't want to come on vacations with me anymore if they won't be like that!"
"Ha, you probably don't want to come home now, do you?"
"Well THAT sounds expensive, we never get to spend money like that when its just us two..."
"Maybe he's got some plan to stay there and he wants to make this regular, like you just fly back and forth between us. Or maybe it was just a vacation so you could bond." [Me: "Uh duh."]
"Yeah he's the fun parent, that's why you don't like me."

Et cetera. And I mean what am I supposed to say to that? "Sorry for having fun"? Or lie? Tell her I'm having a horrible time and miss her like crazy? Thing is, even when I DO say "of course not! Remember when just you and I had that great trip? That was fun too!" she says, "Yeah, right." So what am I supposed to do?

I love my dad. He understands me a lot more than she does. He treats me like an adult, respects me like I have a valid opinion, and grants me basic freedom like wifi past 9:30 unlike she does. He spoils me but also makes me work when I want something big like a phone or iPod, he's taught me how to do business deals with stuff like that, (I made a power-point to convince him to let me get my bellybutton pierced...it worked, too!) and he's just chill in general. Mom is always asking what I'm thinking, about different philosophies on life, and gets on my case when I'm being monosyllabic. Dad and I can drive for an hour without saying much and it's perfectly fine, we can get along like that. So he's cool. He isn't perfect, but he's cool.
I'm just not supposed to like him more than mom, even if I do.

This is where being an only child sucks. I truly feel like there is a Mom's Daughter and a Dad's Daughter within me. When there are multiple kids in a family, I've noticed with my friends there is a Mom's Child and a Dad's Child. No one is loved any less, there's just one you prefer to hang out with, one you get along with better. But see, I'm both, so I can't be either. There's this constant balancing act where I want to hang out with dad more so I can stop developing these horrible looming "Daddy Issues" and get used to a full-time daughterhood, but I feel guilty doing that and then obligated to keep mom happy too. Both of them back-talk the other to me. And honestly, they're both right most of the time. I just can't stand up to either and say, 'Actually, they aren't that bad sometimes' because I can't take sides. I just have to sit there and be the Tug-o-War rope. It feels like they really are competing for me sometimes, for my favor and love. And I love them both, I do, but I feel guilty because mom wants me to love her best and dad wants me to love him best and i can't let either be second best or that's wrong and i can't let them both be best because that isn't good enough for them and i just have no idea what to do. Whether they mean to do it to me or not, that's how it feels and it's horrible. Maybe if I had a sibling it would be easier. At least I'd have someone that really was on my side and could go through this with me. But I don't, it's just me, and I'm stuck with this.

When I'm in a better mood I'll certainly post more about my trip, especially about my dad. I have an assignment this week to write a sonnet about something I love, I think it'll be about him.

Anyway, good night. It's sooo late I'm going to hate myself for this tomorrow xD. Jetlag is telling me it's only 10:40 though so whatevs. I still don't get to see Ash tomorrow because he's in Disneyworld until Sunday :(. I've been missing him like crazy too. Might hang out with Fred though, we'll see.

♪: "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World
♫: "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift