The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who, if she wanted to believe pigs could fly, could probably convince herself of that, too.

I need somewhere to vent right now and even though this isn't an axiomatic musing, I don't know where else to go. I'm shaking and I feel like I'm going to throw up and Ash isn't answering his phone and I'm still shaking.

Maybe...maybe She-Voldemort is just a horrible, spiteful, lying, horribly deceitful bitch. Ash is just a victim of another one of her horrible ploys to break us up.
Or maybe...maybe I just really want to believe that...and I'd be willing to overlook anything else that would let me believe otherwise.

I'm so torn.

I don't want to assume the worst. I HAVE to trust him, I HAVE to. But this has happened so many times before...and each time it's because she "hacked his account" or "made it up" just for the purpose of getting me to freak out. Can I really keep believing that? If he's perfect in every other way?
We promised each other at the beginning of our relationship. Because he knew how much it sucked to get cheated on. We promised that if either of us ever even started having feelings for someone else, we'd tell each other first thing. Because each of us deserves that kind of honesty. He promised me that and I should trust him.
But what about everything else?
I can't give you guys details. I just can't. Because I know if i did, anyone reading this would go, "...And you BELIEVED that?! More than once?! How STUPID and desperate ARE you?!" And i know that. I do. That little voice in the back of my head has been screaming that at me. But at the same time...
He's so perfect in every other way. He's been so amazing especially lately. He's kind and funny and affectionate and loving and caring...why would I let anything ruin that? If i didn't know I could go on being happy and care-free and not have a problem at all.
But I did see it. Whether it's true or not I saw it, just like I saw it the other times, and now I have to wonder. If he's been telling me the truth, and this time is like the others where she's just made it up, he's going to start getting pissed that I don't believe him. But I just can't see her motives anymore! If she's just doing it to piss me off and break us up! There's no point anymore, she just graduated and has her own boyfriend (as far as I know, they're still together) so what's the point of making it up?

~OKAY, HE CALLED ME A LITTLE WHILE AGO AFTER I WROTE THE TOP PART AND NOW I AM WRITING THIS~

I emailed him the screenshot of what I saw and he when he finally called me back he was as pissed as I was. I was calm and explained how it isn't that I don't trust him, it's just that it's getting hard to believe. And before I could even finish my sentence he was saying how he knows, that's why he's so pissed off that she would keep doing this. He said he totally understands that I would be pissed, he would be too. He said he'll figure out some way to shut her down, so I guess we'll see. He also said that she broke up with her boyfriend really recently, so I there's a motive there that now she's single she might want Ash again...
I WANT to believe him, I do. But there's still that little niggling doubt at the back of my mind. What if he's still lying? What if he's just keeping up the charade? But then, what if he's telling the truth? There is no possible way for me to know except to trust him. So, I guess that's what I'll do for now. He had to leave for a haircut and doctor's appointment shortly after but I guess I'll talk to him later more and we'll see.

♪: "Be Good To Me" by Ashley Tisdale.