When you got your Nintendo 64, I was playing with my GeoGenius Interactive USA.
When you were playing with your GameCube, I was reading a book.
When you played GameBoy stuff with your elementary school friends, I was taking dance lessons.
When you were playing Halo, I was learning to fence.
When you were meteor-smashing your friends off the edge of the stage then double jumping back and ledge-blocking, I was making you nachos in the kitchen.
I grew up healthy, intelligent, and skilled.
And yet, I still feel like the loser.
Because I don't fit in. So many parties now involve Halo, or L4D, or COD, and I just can't fit in with that. Because no matter how hard I try or how much I practice, it's only ever on OTHER people's Xboxes and Wii's. My mom won't let me buy my own because it's a "waste of my brain". So I can't even get any decent time to figure stuff out on my own. And even if i DO get good, you all still have 10 years of experience on me. So even if I play, I'm the handicap on the team. I'm the, "well, you have the two best players...but you also have her so I guess that's fair." I'm the failure that hides in the caves in the corner of Blood Gulch during Team Slayer just so people can't get kills on me, or the one who sits in the base with a shotgun and STILL can't defend the flag. I'm the Sheik that just teleports anytime I can to get away from people, the Kirby that floats and B-Downs whenever I can. I'm the one whose Machoke has Rock Smash, Low Kick, Cross Chop, and Karate Chop. Have i made my point yet? I'm a disgrace.
It's always been this way. Sal and his friends always played SSB Brawl or COD and I'd fail at that. They made me quite aware of that so I just gave up and agreed with them and felt like shit because I was and I couldn't be as good as them. Now I play Halo with Ash and his friends and I suck at that too. At least they're nicer about it, I guess. I just don't have the experience, and I don't have the opportunity to get any decent experience, and I don't even have the WANT to get any experience because I just struggle through games I don't understand with reflexes that are non-existent and it's discouragement after discouragement. And that just isn't fun for me, sorry. I wish I WAS good. I wish I could be a girl gamer that people actually took seriously. I wish i was good at SOMETHING that anyone values that would make me worthwhile. I'm good at learning languages and writing essays. Woop-de-do, my friends are just SO impressed by that.
But instead it seems like everything I try to do, I'm not good enough at and no one takes me seriously (not even Ash, most of the time) and I'm just one big joke and it makes me just wanna cry.
So I'll practice, I will. Not for me; for all of you. For the me that should be like you already. Fuck novels, I'm reading up on Halo Multiplayer strategies. Fuck response essays, I want to be able to write an essay on how to be good at Brawl. Fuck being an outsider, fuck being the handicap, fuck being the laughing stock. The past few days all I hear is how much my opinion DOESN'T count, how little control i DO have, how little i AM doing right. I'm sick of it. I just want to be worth something, anything, to someone. I want to do something right.
Maybe video games is just a personification of that frustration. But it's something, and I guess that's where I'll start.
♪: "Welcome To My Life" by Simple Plan (angst ftw.)
3 musings in reply:
Why are you concerned about? They're better at some things and your better at others. You mentioned fencing and dancing, howany of your friends can do that? Maybe the only reason they don't is because they don't have fencing equipment or dancing shoes, but if you don't own a game system how can you expect to be better? It seems like a lot of practice to be good at video games, and if your doing it for practice, it might as well be work. Your friends that play it for fun will do better because it's fun. You don't sound like you want to play video games to have fun, you want to play to avoid being "the handicap." If you ARE doing it for fun, then tell your mom that she thinks fun is a waste of your brain xDDD And people like that might as well be named Scrooge. Your never wasting yor brain if your having fun, and your not having fun if your trying to impress everyone. I wouldn't recommend using time on video games when you have homework, because then your fun-hating mother may be right xD
Honey, Whoop-de-fucking-do!
So what? You can't play those games, who the fuck cares?! Halo honestly confuses the fuck out of me and who cares about the others? I own SSB and still occasionally can get beat by the nine year old I babysit. And he doesn't own it!
who the fuck cares? Guys do that. Guys like stroking their ego and playing mad video games gives them another chance to do so.
And with sal, pshaw girl! The only thing that family does besides track is video games. Literally. Don't base anything on trying to beat them.
You do plenty of things exceptionally. Don't fall into some funk while people play and waste money on video games. I bought a wii after babysitting one summer. I like having it and playing it occasionally, but I play the ps2 we already owned more than anything. Dont worry.
i really just want to give both of you a hug and then bake you cakes and give you more hugs. and a puppy. that is the kind of love i have for both of you <3333333.
so, rei, expect a massive glomp the next time i see you. and dammit nesse i wish i knew who you were so i could give you one too!! this internet glomp will have to do! *glomp!!!* :D. thanks guys, really.
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