A Friendly Guide for the Incoming Freshmen :).

[[I had this on my DeviantArt but most of you probably don't follow that, so I wanted to post it here too because I thought you'd enjoy it. Note: this is not a blanket statement for EVERYONE in the class of 2014. Of course some kids are nicer. But you'll still probably find this true for most of them xD. I was inspired to write this after seeing the Facebook pages of a few of the 2014 girls and I couldn't stop laughing.]]

A Friendly Guide for the Incoming Freshman Class of 2014.
So! You're going into your first year of high school this year. Congratulations! I bet you think you're really hot, senior boys will love you for more than your body, and the friends you have now are going to be your very best biffles until you graduate! Keep thinking that, it'll be funny to see your face when you realize the truth ;). But, as an incoming freshie, you're going to face much taunting and harassment. You will probably deserve it. BUT if you follow these handy-dandy tips, you can avoid the stereotype and hopefully make it through this year without anyone wanting to trip you in the hallways! (...Because they will.)

And now, your helpful tips!
Facebook.
For the purpose of counter example, this status update was taken from an actual incoming freshman (the one that inspired this rant, actually). Names have been hidden to protect the moronic.
"[Stereotypical Freshman] I Dislike when old creepy people add me on facebook.=] ILoveYou[Boyfriend]♥ 7/4/10<333"
Tip #1: If you're receiving friend requests from creepy old people, you may want to change your profile picture to something where you AREN'T wearing shortshorts that have been rolled up 10 times, and from an angle were we CAN'T see straight down your shirt to your A-cups.
Tip #2: Facebook is truly wonderful. Right in the information bar under your profile picture, it says, "In A Relationship With _____". Therefore, anyone who views your profile already knows your significant other! You don't ACTUALLY have to put it in every status update! See how much time that'll save you? You're welcome!
Tip #3: Best Friends, Friends, Acquaintances =/= Siblings. We can usually tell this when the 30 people you list as "Siblings" all have different last names.
Tip #4: I really don't care that you woke up tired. And now you're taking a shower. And now you're getting on the bus. And now you're going to school. You could fit this all in one status if you didn't typeee evverryyy letterr moreee thann onceee(((: <333.
Tip #5: If your comment on that photo of yourself is "uglyy :P" why did you post it in the first place? I'm confused...

Appearance.
Tip #1: PUT. THE EYELINER. DOWN. GOOD GOD WOMAN YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING RACCOON. AND THAT'S AN INSULT TO RACCOONS. I REALLY CAN'T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH BECAUSE AS A MAKEUP ARTIST-IN-TRAINING IT MAKES ME WANT TO STRANGLE MYSELF. If you are unsure how to do *classy* and *natural-looking* makeup, ask me for advice! I'm really good with makeup! I can help! No problem at all! Because if you keep up this look where it seems you just got a black eye, I might as well give you a real one! Much less hassle in the morning!
Tip #2: Wear clothes that fit. Not clothes you can "squeeze into", clothes that FIT. And when they do fit, do not then roll the shorts up and pull the shirt down so everyone can see your underwear. Underwear goes UNDER what you wear. See how that works? So clever! :)
Tip #3: There is no appropriate weather EVER to wear a miniskirt AND Uggs. It's either warm enough for a miniskirt or cold enough for Uggs. Make up your mind.

Speech.
Tip #1: It is not ladylike to swear every few words for the sake of it. Angry? Fine. But, "so I went to class today and the fucking teacher bitch gave me some sort of homework shit and now I have to fucking go home and do it ass" is unnecessary.
Tip #2: Back in MY day, "whore", "bitch", and "slut" were insults. Not pet-names for your friends.

Hallway Etiquette.
Tip #1: Walk. Fast. Or you will be pushed, until you walk fast. Or you will get trampled, until you learn to walk fast.
Tip #2: There are PLENTY of places to hang out before class. The Cafeteria (but not the Commons, that has been claimed by the Nerd Herd), the back hallway, the Assistant Principal's hallway, the cooking hallway...therefore, you really don't need to stand in a group of 20 of your friends that extends into the middle of a hallway that has lockers on both sides. You, once again, will get trampled.
Tip #3: If they look older than you, don't cut them off or shove them in a busy intersection. End of story.

Boys.
Tip #1: That senior guy that you met yesterday who already promised you he loves you and doesn't just want to get in your pants? Yeah, he just wants to get in your pants.
Tip #2: Sleeping around does not gain your peer's approval. It gains your peer's STI's.
Tip #3: "Always&Forever" doesn't really apply when you get a new boyfriend every few weeks.

Drugs and Alcohol.
Tip #1: Don't do them. Seriously. Chances are you can't risk damaging any brain cells.
Tip #2: If you're still going to do them, for goodness sake don't do it in public! We have to take freaking Breathalyzers at Homecoming now because of morons like that! And you WILL get arrested! So at least keep your drunken shenanigans to the privacy of your own home, please.

Upperclassmen.
Tip #1: Respect the seniors.
Tip #2: No, seriously, respect the seniors.
Tip #3: I LOVE THE SENIORS <333.
Tip #4: Basically, when you enter the high school, no one in a higher grade has any respect for you whatsoever. You want them to? You'll have to earn that respect. Gossiping and being obnoxious will not earn that respect. Being polite and respectful by honoring their seniority WILL.

And there you have it! Follow these helpful hints and you'll be on the right track to NOT getting laughed at this year! Best of luck!
Love,
Me :).