The Axiomatic Musings of a Teen who's depressed, stressed out, and sick...but it's okay! Everyone's doing it!

Firstly though;
SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY!!!! My week has been CRAZY. Monday I was just exhausted, Tuesday I got my Learner's Permit (I'll do a post on the DMV eventually), Wednesday I had One-Acts, Thursday I spent freaking out finishing a bunch of AP Lit assignments...gah. So much stress. BUT now it is the weekend and although I have a shit-load of homework still, I'm taking a break for at least this afternoon. Another little update; Ash is doing fine, he's hoping to start half-days at least back at school on Monday! I'm so excited, I've really missed him at school.

Which brings me to today's topic: Anxiety and stress. There's a lot of it going around.

I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday to get a flu shot and while I was there, my mom mentioned how my appetite varies from normal to non-existent for weeks, and I vomit when I'm upset, which is frequent. She left the room and they asked me some questions and whatever and it appears I have anxiety, and they would strongly encourage me to start seeing a counselor. But don't worry; this is very common in someone your age.

It is? And you don't see anything wrong with this picture?!

Most of you reading this are probably procrastinating an essay or project. You probably have a low grade in a class because the teacher isn't very good or fair. You probably are involved in some sort of activity, sport, or job that takes up a lot of your time. You probably don't get more than 6/7 hours of sleep at night. Your parents are probably on your case about grades, or cleaning your room, or applying to colleges, or anything else they can think of. You probably have a boy or girl on your mind all the time, especially if things aren't going so well.You probably got into a fight or disagreement with someone this week that upset you.You probably can't remember the last time you "didn't have a care in the world".

But don't worry! That's very common.
...What?!

Parents, teachers, future, take the freaking hint! We're going insane!!!

None of us want this! We want to be able to sit at home with our friends and tell jokes and play Apples to Apples and watch Disney movies if we want and eat cookies without counting the calories and drink as much soda as we can and run around playing tag and climbing trees and sleeping in the sun. We're just kids...

But we do want to be perfect. You've taught us that to be perfect, we need the perfect job when we grow up, and a perfect family, and a perfect plan. But to do that, we need to get into the perfect college. So we need to get perfect grades, have a perfect attendance record, have a perfect mix of extra-curricular activities. But we also need to be accepted by our peers. So we need a perfect car, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect clothes and shoes, the perfect newest phone. A perfect reputation.
We want that.
I want that.
And I'll do anything for that, however sick it makes me. Because eventually I'll get what I want, and that will make me happy.

I could sit here and bitch about all the things that stress me out in my life. But then people would get upset at me for what I'm saying. And I don't want that; I want everyone to be happy. I want Ash to be happy, I want my parents to be happy, I want all of you to be happy! Because people like people who make them happy. So I won't go into all that. I'll just keep dealing however I can until it gets better or it kills me.

The first thing I'm working on is becoming more secure in myself. I need to not feel threatened or jealous and I need to just be sure of my own importance and value. Because sometimes I feel like I'm just one of many, or  even less than the many, and so I need to remind myself that I am special to myself. So I will do that.

And then I will think of clever blog posts to write again ;).

Have a good weekend, guys <3.

♪: "Innocent" by Taylor Swift (have you gotten this album yet? go get this album. it's amazing.)
♫: "Story of Us" by Taylor Swift (seriously. get the album.)